The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/04/07

Voting aftermath. Mike feels betrayed by Sione, Filipe and Helen. Kristin is wowed at what's going down. Ron does a ha-ha-not-really-a-joke death curse on everybody who voted for him. (Which kinda scared me.) We see a flashback to when Filipe attempted to prop up his integrity on a technicality: when asked whether he would vote for Ron, he replied "You'll be fine." Since Filipe thinks Ron will "be fine" whether or not he goes home, and since "you'll be fine" is technically not a yes or no answer to the will-you-vote-for-me question, Filipe maintains that he did not actually lie, per se. Ron, of course, points out the obvious: "What the hell did you think I thought you meant?" So okay, if we're picking nits, "lie" is not the correct verb. "Deceive", though? Hell, yes. Dumbass move on Blue's part there, I think - although of course if it had actually succeeded in voting Ron off, it would have been a good move. (Which Ron admits.) They risked a lot and kinda screwed themselves. So Filipe gets served by Ron and interviews that he kept his mouth shut during the tonguelashing because his culture teaches him to respect elders. But in reality it's pretty obvious that he kept his mouth shut because he's freakin' intimidated by Ron. :) Plus also I think he knows he done wrong.

So Mike and Ron go back to their room so Ron can give his first-born son a little lesson on what happens when you break with Da Family. He talks smack about Filipe, then we see everybody else talking smack about Ron. Tara makes horsehead jokes. Ron talks Sonny, er, I mean, Mike, down from punching the wall and tells him not to get his emotions involved. (Damn, he's a cool customer. Totally reminds me of my dad there.) Nuthin' personal, you realise, but business is business, and when tings start ta stink, ya gotta take out da garbage. Mike rubs his chin thoughtfully. In the background, we hear strains of string music which seriously evoke the love theme from The Godfather, as we are shown clips of Ron being the father figure, getting pampered with a glass of wine and cucumbers on his eyes, and finally standing nobly alone beside the pool as he talks about being the house father. Good grief.

So, moving on from Italian stereotypes...

(I hate the gameplay and the fractured harmony. Why can't these people just like each other and do their best to lose weight? Damn you, reality TV!)

Temptation? And how! Complete with desperately obvious product placement! (DH: Most jawdropping temptation? Most jawWORKING temptation!) The set-up: There are 100 covered food platters (like the ones they use in voting elimination, but bigger and fancier). Ali tells everybody that most of these platters contain high-calorie foods, but some of them contain a combination of Extra gum packets and money prizes! Everyone gets really excited about this, because wow! GUM! However, just ONE of the platters contains the ULTIMATE prize, a golden ticket: the ONLY VOTE at this week's elimination.

Well, money and power (and gum!) are up for grabs, so of course everybody loses their minds and goes for the platters. (Anybody else think that Tara's legendary barfing skills would come in handy about ten minutes after the temptation was over?) People starting revealing and wolfing down cupcakes, pop, pretzels, PB&J sandwiches, etc. Ron at first appears to be the lucky one, as he gets two plattersful of gum and a total of $1500, which he's really excited about because he immediately pops a stick of the wondrous chewy stuff. Laura and Filipe also luck out with the gum, and they get $5000 and $500 respectively. Platters continue to be opened and calories continue to be snarfed. We are treated to belching sounds, complaints about pretzels going straight to the ass, threats of ralphing, and so-forth. Finally, Kristin emerges from the feeding frenzy long enough to realise how stupid all this is. She says the ultimate way to save yourself is to stop sucking back empty calories and just stay the heck above the yellow line, so she stops opening trays.

Finally, Laura gets the golden ticket, which sends Tara into leaps of glee. (Laura's pretty good at managing to luck out with the extra votes, huh?) Everyone else looks bummed and nauseous, while Laura immediately goes off on a massive power trip. She ruminates on the possibility of extorting massages and stuff from her fellow competitors, and tops it all off with a rather skillfully executed evil Margaret Hamilton laugh. (I'll vote you off, my pretty! And your little dog, too!)

Then Laura and Tara huddle in their bedroom and discuss strategy. For some bizarre reason, Laura thinks that Tara should deliberately fall below the yellow line. Tara interviews that the purpose of this strategy would be to help guarantee that Laura doesn't fall below (we're later told that Laura has to stay above the yellow line if she wants this single vote to remain in her hands, otherwise, we'll revert to the usual everybody-votes elimination process). Of course, if they BOTH end up falling below the yellow line, Tara's completely screwed. Tara says that she's conflicted about deliberately falling below the line, and DH and I agree with each other that it's a strategy that could seriously bite her in the @$$ if she goes along with it.

Anyway, back to the aftermath of The Ultimate Temptation - everybody's trying to clean up the evidence, and Bob and Jillian come in mid-carnage. Kristin (getting all holier-than-thou because she slammed on the willpower partway through) outlines to them what just happened. Jillian nearly loses her shit and starts talking about disrespecting weight that no longer exists. (The hell?) Bob tries to turn it into a "lesson" for everybody, but then learns from Ron that his own team almost voted Ron out, so BOB nearly loses his shit. (Certainly his jaw gets a good workout.) Bob and Ron then go outside and discuss a) Ron's miraculous skill at evading vote-off, and b) Ron's desire to wreak revenge on anybody who screws with him. (Never mess with a Sicilian when WEIGHT is on the line!)

(Okay, I don't know if Ron is actually Sicilian. But the takeoff of the line scans really well.)

Bob and Jillian are so disgusted with their people that they beat the crap out of them in the gym, and even trade off people in their teams. Jillian works a bit with Kristin and Ron, and Bob destroys everybody else on the spin bikes. Later, Helen is still feeling gross from all the calories she ate, and takes a lifelong vow of cupcake celibacy.

Kristin decides to be (hilariously) blatantly obvious about sucking up to She With The Power, and brings Laura breakfast in bed, complete with some lovely flowers and bed number adjusting. Just about the only thing she didn't do was fluff up Laura's pillows. DH threatens to be ill. :)

Jillian brings her team to Subway and brings out Coleen and Jerry from last season to shill the joint. Coleen is wearing a poofy apron and is kind of waddling, which makes me wonder...is she pregnant? Dunno. She's still looking lovely, and Jerry's looking terrific.

We then move to this week's challenge, which takes place in the Rose Bowl stadium. Being American, all the contestants are thrilled. I couldn't care less, myself, but since everyone else seems happy, so am I. The deal is: boys against girls racing up and down 2,156 stadium stairs. Top boy and top girl then do it all over again to determine the final winner. The prize is...wait for it...a two-week trip for four people to Utah.

UTAH?!?

Geez. You know the economy's bad when. Anyhow, anyone who couldn't see right from the start that this would be a face-off between Tara and Sione obviously has not been watching the show very long. My money was on Tara, and of course she wins. Sione is bummed and Ali rubs it in.

Then we get right back into gameplay and headgames, because Blue, Purple and Pink all have a nice, brisk walk together. At least, it looked nice until everybody tried to pressure Kristin into promising to vote against Ron. Sione, Filipe, and Helen are all apparently terrified at Ron's Evil Mastermind-like ability to manipulate everybody into voting the way he wants it to go. Guys, it's called leadership. Ron didn't get a place on his city council back home for nothing, you know. He's charismatic, likeable, is good at persuading people to see his side of things, and is a natural leader. He is also probably pretty used to petty little backstabbing plots going on behind his back, so unless you want to choose the open and honest route, your plots are likely going to fall flat. Sure enough, Kristin doesn't want to promise a damn thing (remember, she was with Ron on Bob's team this whole time, whereas Blue went Black for a while and Helen's still with Jillian), and after weeks of hearing how Kristin considers Sione and Filipe to be her brothers and how Filipe and Sione adore the team camaraderie of being with Bob...Filipe interviews that he doesn't think he knows Kristin anymore. Nice.

But the headgames-disguised-as-nice-brisk-walks don't end there. We next see Helen talking to Laura. She advises Laura that getting Tara to go below the yellow line is not good for Green. She almost has Laura convinced that it's a bad strategy and that she has Laura's best interests at heart, until she brings up the possibility that if Tara does drop below, Laura might do the old bait-n-switch and vote Tara off because Tara's such a huge threat. Laura tells Helen that she would NEVER do that (right, cupcake, like you never thought of it) and then interviews that now she's wondering if Helen's really being honest with her. She brings up the possibility that maybe Helen's trying to play both sides? Well, DUH! I think Helen is super-spunky and that she will absolutely help others out when her own heinie isn't on the line, but ultimately, Helen is totally looking out for number one. And in this environment, who can blame her.

Bob makes a last desperate bid to restore harmony and talks to his team about reconciliation. Tensions build. Bob is powerless to stop the avalanche. At least things didn't get violent.

(Hey, Ron's eyes are looking really nice this week. Maybe it's because of the revenge glinting out of them?)

Jillian also tries valiantly to pull everybody out of their gameheads and into themselves. She tells Tara not to throw the weigh-in. Helen confesses that she's nervous she'll fall below the yellow line, and I also think she has a lot to worry about since she had such a kick-ass week last weigh-in.

Bizarre product placement: DVD plug for a movie I've never heard of and which certainly doesn't sound like appropriate entertainment fare for a bunch of grownups with no children around. The contestants fake enthusiam totally unconvincingly. Then, a further plug: healthy popcorn! Sione gobsmacks us with the shocking news that 300 calories is LESS than 1000 calories! Amazing!

Off we go to the last chance workout. Jillian plans to open up a serious can of torture. Tara wimps out all day and butts heads with Jillian. But Helen, bless her, sums it up for everybody. She may be the one person here who gets that the only person you can control is you. Helen looks like the strongest woman ever with all the weightlifting, it's awesome. Mike boxes and, I'm sure, makes teenage girls all over the continent swoon. Bob tells Filipe mid-stairclimbing to tell him how good he feels! If Filipe had a hand free, he totally woulda flipped Bob the bird right there. Finally, Sione has a crisis of confidence. He never wins against Tara. His best isn't good enough. Wah wah wah. But Bob takes him in hand and leaves pools of Tongan sweat all over the floor. (We even get a closeup. :P )

Off we go to the weigh-in: Laura's still limping, and Ali is wearing a goddamn FANTASTIC dress. Mike's up first and twitches with uncontrollable nervousness. He obviously still has a lot to learn from his dad about staying cool under pressure.

(DH points out that Tara could totally guarantee Brown's support for her for the rest of the show if she popped Mike's cherry. Now it's my turn to feel slightly ill.)

Results of note:

• Mike and Sione go from clinically obese to obese.
• Kristin moves from morbidly obese to clinically obese. I do a little happy dance on my sofa.
• Laura DESTROYS the 25% total weightloss mark
• Filipe passes the 30% total weightloss mark
• Kristin and Mike drop below 250lbs

Other things that happened at the weigh-in:

• Ron gets sad that his weight loss might push Mike below the yellow line. Mike rightly tells him to shut up and be happy. :)
• Tara loses only 3 pounds. Laura swears up and down that she didn't do that on purpose.
• I think it might just be shadow, but Kristin looks like she has freckles on her face in her weigh-in interviews! They make her look totally cute!
• Filipe foreshadows that Sione is doomed by interviewing that if HE lost seven pounds, Sione will of course lose even MORE. Kiss of death, dude. You shoulda kept your trap shut.

So, weird week, weird results: The top three contestants in overall weightloss (Tara, Mike and Helen) are three of the four lowest losers of the week. Sione and Helen fall below the yellow line, and Laura alone holds their fate in her hands. She meets with each person separately. Sione is really nice about it. Helen plays the game for all she's worth.

As Laura's agonizing over what to do, Sione and Filipe bond in their room. Then they get it all out of their systems by haka-ing like crazy. (Filipe is REALLY good at that, I love watching him.)

Personally, I thought it was a tough decision. Helen's a serious gameplayer and an excellent loser, she's a big threat. Sione, on the other hand, is half of one of the three intact pairs left in the house. If Laura gets rid of him, she will be part of one of the only two twosomes left. Plus, Sione is a huge threat in challenges to her partner, Tara. Overall, I thought it was a better move to get rid of Sione, and apparently Laura agrees with me. I'm sure Ron is doing the happy dance inside (one down, two to go) as Sione says goodbye and vows to be a Tongan Brad Pitt. He goes home to his family and his dad says he can't even tell Sione is his son anymore. Uh, dude? Have you seen you? We can TOTALLY tell he's your son. Flash forward to the "Sione Today" segment, and we find that he's down to 235lbs. Part of the loss is no doubt due to the haircut that he FINALLY decided to spring for. Yay! And he's a trainer now! And he channels Bob! And his wife is thin, too! Everybody's happy! We end the week on an up note. (In all seriousness, I think Sione will make a fantastic trainer.)

Potential milestones for next week:

• Kristin could drop below the 1/3 total weightloss mark
• Laura and Ron could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
• Ron could pass 125lbs total weightloss
• Filipe could drop below 250lbs
• Laura could drop below 200lbs
• Filipe could move from clinically obese to obese
• Laura could move from obese to overweight
• Mike could break the record for pounds lost on campus (144lbs, previously held by Roger Shultz in Season 5)

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The players receive makeovers with guidance from Tim Gunn, Tabatha Coffey and Brandon Martinez. Elsewhere, a player sustains an injury that will affect her workouts, and the contestants reach new heights in the challenge.

Week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The players take part in a health-trivia challenge to win a trip to New York, Later, Bob and Jillian critique the contestants' grocery purchases; the players face a balance challenge; and someone hits a milestone at the weigh-in.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/31

So the Tongan Terror Twins are POed because Ron made a case during deliberation last week for sending Filipe home. Now, Ron has one priority in this house, and everybody knows it because he's been completely honest about it from day one: Mike. He wants Mike to stay as long as possible, bottom line. And keeping himself around as long as possible too is a good way to help that along. Filipe's a big threat; Aubrey could probably have been counted on to help keep Ron and Mike safe by falling below the yellow line again. So it shouldn't have been a huge surprise that Ron put forward the idea that Filipe should be voted off. However, because there was an alliance formed among Bob's original team, this move puts Ron in the doghouse, despite the fact that he ultimately was the guy that sent Aubrey home. Bonds have been broken, alliances are in the dust, harmony in the house is crumbling, Tongans are whining, producers are licking their chops at the dramatic possibilities...

Thus opens the Week Of Total Insanity.

We go to the gym to find that we've traded Ali-the-usual-host for Ali-the-season-five-winner. Ali S. has had her baby (Megan Hope), and is now on mat leave. I fully expect Ali V. to be great at this gig. The preview texts for this week's show also tell us we should expect Michelle (last season's winner) to show up and do some hosting as well.

Also thanks to the preview texts, it was fairly clear that this week, at least one person would be coming back into the house. I expected the usual everybody-shows-up-and-weighs-in deal, but instead, just three people were given the opportunity: the three people who only spent one week on the ranch and who were eliminated before the 30-day bring-'em-back mark. I thought that was a FANTASTIC idea! Really wonderful, beautifully fair. (Although I'm really disappointed that we didn't get to see how Dan was doing.) And even before the doors opened and we got to see Estella, Nicole and David, I fully expected that Nicole would be a slam-dunk, whether the method of choice was weigh-in or challenge. Heck, I thought Nicole would be a contender back when I figured ALL the eliminated contestants would be brought back for a weigh-in. I mean, after Week 3 when we saw her at-home profile, she'd lost 58 pounds and had reduced down to an "overweight" BMI. And this bring-back weigh-in takes place AFTER the at-home profile, chronologically, so I expected she'd be even further along with the weight loss than that 58 pounds we saw before. Anyway, we find out that Estella's down to 197 and David's down to 347. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by David's 46-pound loss, I thought it was going to be a lot less. And Ali V.'s words of encouragement and positive spin on that 46 was wonderful. Dave's not going to win a place back on the ranch, and he's not going to win the $100K at-home game. But if he keeps going with the gradual weight loss, he WILL EVENTUALLY GET THERE, and that's the important thing.

So anyway, we're told that Nicole needs to have lost more than 50 pounds to get back on the ranch, and they actually attempt to put us into suspense at the results by going to commercial. Hello?!? Like the at-home profile hadn't already told us she'd done it? Like we couldn't see her freakin' six-pack RIGHT THERE? (Damn, she's looking gorgeous and vibrant!) Anyway, back we come from commercial and it turns out Nicole's weight is an astounding 182, which gives her a BMI of 27.7, which is the LOWEST IN THE HOUSE. And, as Ali V. points out, she's got the 2nd-highest overall weight loss percentage in the house, too. Mike had it right - anybody who isn't scared of her is so totally lying.

So we go back to the house, and poor Nicole is completely ambushed by every single person. They all want to talk to her about the game. They all want to give her advice (which is really just a front for talking to her about the game). They all want to tell her what's going on in the house, and the alliances, and the drama, and get her to not want to vote for them ever, and on and on and on ad nauseum. I thought Nicole's head was going to start spinning around! You really have to feel sorry for anybody who comes back into this game, doncha? Poor girl can't even go for a relaxing morning run, because Tara talks her ear off about percentages and pressure and blah blah blah freakin' blah.

Of course, Tara has issues of her own. First of all, she's totally threatened by Nicole's presence. Didja notice how she gave the fuck-off laugh to Kristin when Kristin implied that now Tara will have serious competition in the challenges? :) But finally, FINALLY, we see Tara trying to wrestle with her issues, and Jillian actually talking to her about them. Hooray! So Tara has no idea where the weight gain came from, but really wants to know. Okay, fair enough. It's obvious to the viewing audience (major control issues), but often, knowing ourselves is the hardest thing, so I can get that she just doesn't know. Why Jillian didn't slap her upside the head and plain out TELL her is beyond me, but at least Jillian had a great point that just being aware that there's a problem is a huge start. Hopefully we can see Tara sussing it out a little more as the weeks go on.

DH was wondering which trainer Nicole would go with, but of course she started out as part of Bob's team, so it looks like that's where she goes. She walks in, and Bob is totally gobsmacked and delighted. I got a lot of glee out of seeing his reaction.

Bob then discusses Drama with Kristin and Sione. They complain again about Ron's actions in last week's deliberation, and speculate about how far he'll go to protect Mike. Bob, as always, has no control over what his team is doing. Also as usual, instead of trying to fix things by, say, gathering everybody up to teambuild and mend fences, he compounds the divide by pointing out that Ron will drop them each like a hot potato if Mike's at risk, and then plays favourites by giving just Kristin and Sione a tough workout. What Bob is thinking is beyond me.

One thing I've been thinking about since last week is that this season's done a really good job of blurring the lines between Black and Blue. They've done so much team-shifting and trainer-switching that it's not surprising alliances are starting to fall by the wayside. It truly is, for possibly the first time ever, a game of individuals. This might be what's messing Bob up. He's used to unwavering loyalty.

Then suddenly, we're utterly sideswiped! What we think is going to be Jillian discussing house drama turns around into the week's painful product placement! Augh!

And more insanity for the week: Ron's having chest pains with lightheadedness and dizzyness, and goes to the hospital. It looks bad. We find out right away that it's not a heart attack, but it is some kind of bloodloss. Swell. We're treated to closeup shots of Ron's large and hairy chest before cutting to a commercial, during which various famous people are asked to determine who would win if you pitched Celine Dion against Shania Twain. We are treated to Jacob Hoggart imitating Celine Dion. Gold. This puts us in a happy mood, which is totally dashed when we go back to the hospital to totally violate Ron's privacy and hear more about his medical condition than anybody who isn't his immediate family has a right to know. As if seeing his moobs and back hair every week isn't embarrassing enough for him, we also get to see the inside of his intestines! Geez. Fortunately, it's nothing serious, which is an IMMENSE relief to me. Ron's a pretty hard-nosed ruthless guy when it comes to gameplay and making sure Mike is safe, but I love him. And as Ron's interviewing about his diagnosis, I'm struck by how much thinner and better his face is looking. Way to go, Ron. Unfortunately, he later interviews that he had so many fluids pumped into him at the hospital (not to mention three lost days of working out) that he expects to be doomed at the weigh-in. Rats.

Challenge time! With Michelle! This week it's one huge mother-bleepin' "balance" metaphor. The prize is a one-pound advantage at the weigh-in. Mike confesses that his balance sucks so badly that he's doomed. (This turns out to be prophetic, as he becomes the first to poop out of the challenge.) Nicole gets told that her win (since she already has immunity for the week) would allow her to give a one-pound PENALTY at the weigh-in to anyone she wants. DH points out that she does NOT want to win this challenge. She's already overwhelmed by all the drama crap going on, does she really want to sabotage herself by being able to hand out a weigh-in penalty to anyone she wants? I think he makes a good point.

The challenge is to balance on a platform above the pool, which is being held up by 40 ropes, with a single rope dangling down to hang on to with one hand for assistance with balance. The ropes will be cut one-by-one until only one person is left standing on their platform. Filipe complains about the rope-cutting process being too slow, and gets his just desserts shortly after that by being second to go into the water. Tara also pitches into the drink, making this the first time ever that she has failed to win at a challenge as an individual. Kristin, on the other hand, is COMPLETELY in the zone. She didn't even bother to look over at Sione when he cast his Tongan Death Stare at her (Mike's description of that made me laugh pretty hard; y'know, now I think about it, Mike's a funny guy - he almost always makes me laugh when he's interviewing). Anyway, good for Kristin, bless her. I was sad to see her fall off her platform. However, finally winning a challenge had to feel awesome for Sione.

To continue with the insanity of the week, we have to endure TWO painful product placements! Whimper!

General thoughts about the last chance workout:

• Kristin's face is looking much sleeker this week.
• How about that Sione doing pushups with Bob ON HIM? Nice.
• Mike and Jillian wrestle. It doesn't look very tidy, I think they both need to work on their technique.

Finally we make it to the weigh-in. Ali S. is back! And she's crazy. I would certainly not want to go on national television one week postpartum. However, I guess with an entire makeup and wardrobe crew at your disposal, and a poofy top to hide the baby pooch, I guess it's not so bad. Anyone want to take a guess as to how many breaks they had to take in shooting because Megan had to nurse or was crying? :)

And thus begins possibly the saddest weigh-in ever. (And I thought it was bad a few weeks ago.) Suddenly we have this new rule sprung on us: in order to keep her immunity, Nicole can't gain any weight. Sorry, since WHEN? Obviously, this is a special new rule for people coming back into the house, not for regular contestants, since Kristin gained once with immunity and she was still safe. Sure enough, disaster. Nicole GAINS FIVE POUNDS. Maybe she tried to waterload? Maybe she was stressed? Maybe she couldn't get any sleep because people wouldn't stop pestering her about the goddman game? Who knows. And she's not the only one to gain, either. Ron does, as expected, but so does LAURA. Seriously! What the HELL is up with this week?

Lamest commercial ever: the singing Encore guy.

Random weigh-in thoughts:

• Tara spouts off meaningless psychobabble before her weigh-in. I still have no idea what she was trying to say.
• It's never a good sign when someone interviews that they EXPECT a good number, and yet, Helen got away with it. She's a machine.
• Sione's arms are now getting BIGGER...with muscle!
• DH pointed out that maybe some of Ron's good weight loss the last few weeks was actually fluid loss? Who knows.

Milestones reached:

• Kristin and Sione pass the 30% total weight loss mark
• Helen and Mike pass the one-third total weight loss mark
• Unfortunately, Laura dips back UNDER the 25% total weight loss mark

We do have some good results, but with one third of the house gaining weight, it's still an exceptionally sucky week. I bet Laura was stunned as all hell to end up safe, though. Back we go to the house for the traditional begging and deliberation. I thought Nicole made a BRILLIANT pitch for herself. Ron didn't say much (and he said it lamely to boot), but Mike, obviously desperate, pulled it all out and did a very good job of guilting people into keeping his dad around. After a commercial break that contained an unbelievably surreal ad for Canadian Tire, we find out that Mike was successful. It was a very near thing, but Nicole (with bitter looks) goes home. So after all that "Nicole coming back changes EVERYTHING" stuff we were treated to throughout the show, it turns out that meh, not so much with the everything changes. :) Poor Nicole. Turns out being on the ranch may actually have sabotaged her. Back at home, though, we see that she has continued to kick ass and is NOW AT A NORMAL, HEALTHY BMI! She looked unbelievably good shopping for wedding dresses (although I didn't think much of her choice) and her friends are screamingly thrilled.

All is well. At least, for Nicole. Back on the ranch, lines are drawn. Bad blood occurs between Brown and Blue (and I must admit that the hypocrisy which both teams have been showing - specifically Filipe and Ron - is starting to annoy me), and this throws up a schism in the Church of Bob, not to mention that it threatens to destroy the harmony in the house. Even Helen took a stand against Ron, and Kristin voted differently from Blue! Great. The next few weeks should be fun. (Not.)

Next week, look for the following milestones:

• Laura could dip back below the 25% total weight loss mark
• Kristin and Mike could drop below 250lbs
• Filipe could hit the 30% total weight loss mark
• Kristin could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese
• Filipe, Sione and Mike could move from clinically obese to obese

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The players compete for the sole vote at the elimination during a risky temptation challenge. Later, Rocco DiSpirito teaches the contestants how to make healthy versions of restaurant dishes; two former contestants offer advice; and the players scale stadium steps during a challenge.

Week after that: (SPOILERS)

Yippee! The makeover episode is coming: Tim Gunn helps the contestants look their best after they receive complete makeovers; one contestant is sidelined with an injury.

Awesome video from Week 10

(Be sure to watch for Mike's seriously cute abashed look right at the end when Alison makes a comment to him. It's totally a "*GASP*, the pretty lady's talking to me!" expression. :)

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/24

After panicking a bit that The Biggest Loser was going to be pre-empted by American Presidential Stuff, DH reassured me that we were merely going to go to bed an hour later than usual. (Great.)

So the tattered remnants of the Blue team return to the house, and Black looks completely confused that Aubrey's still around. Join the club, guys - I still have no idea why Cathy sacrificed herself. I thought it was really lovely that Tara was the first person to give Kristin a hug, though. It's kind of representational of the spirit of this season - yes, they're fierce competitors, but at the end of the day they all get along and care about each other.

Rainbow shirts! The producers have decided that it's time to end the Blue team's suffering and go to individuals! I particularly loved the t-shirt retrospective for Mike, especially when Aubrey got in his old t-shirt WITH him, that was hilarious. So after playing the Biggest Loser version of stuffing-all-the-children-into-grandma's-pantaloons, it's time for another game: Pick Your Trainer! And nobody could be happier than Sione and Filipe. For them, as well as some others (like, oh, gee, I dunno...Tara?), this decision was a no-brainer. For others, a much tougher call. Personally, I thought that Aubrey should be picking Bob, and that Mike and Helen should be picking Jillian. (The Jillian/Helen combination stands a chance of winning this.) However, I wasn't sure which way they would end up going. Mike couldn't decide at all and just flipped a coin.

As for the rest of them, I thought Jillian might really be able to help Kristin, but I didn't seriously think Kristin would leave Bob. I have thought for a while that Jillian's kind of enabling Tara's control issues because she sees Tara as more of an equal than someone she should be helping to work through issues, so maybe Bob would be better in the long run there. I wondered if Laura might not be better off with Bob because of her trust issues with Jillian...but then again, if she chose Bob, she wouldn't have much chance to work out with him anyway before Tara THROTTLED her! :) Finally, I thought that Ron's best choice would have been to choose Bob because the "drill sergeant" dynamic that Jillian sets up with her people would sooo not fly with him, it'd be competely counterproductive.

So what actually happened?

Jillian
Tara
Mike (phew)
Helen (yay)
Laura

Bob
Kristin
Filipe
Sione
Ron
Aubrey (excellent)

Random thoughts about the Pick Your Trainer segment and subsequent workout:

• HOW SKINNY DID HELEN LOOK?!? Wow!
• Jillian had a good point about the cruelty of making the choice in front of the trainers. On the other hand, it did really give "closure" to the decisions.
• How sweeeeet is Sione when he's overcome.
• That sidestep running thing Jillian's team was doing on the treadmill looked bruuutal.

Next up: the pre-challenge weight allotment. In which everybody takes the weight they've lost and allocates it as they see fit to the other players, with the promise that the extra weight will be a hindrance in the next challenge. And in which Ron does a revenge thing against Helen for breaking with The Church Of Bob. :) Helen takes it with excellent grace. Her gameplaying and self-centeredness does grate on me somewhat, but she really does take as good as she gives, and I just adore her spunk. Tara, on the other hand, is sooo unamused. Cupcake, take it as a compliment! You can't win every damn challenge! Look at how Helen reacted to the pressure - she turned it into determination! I'm completely in agreement with Aubrey (although Tara's point about Aubrey having a big mouth was also fair) - so you're the strongest competition in the house, boo-freakin'-hoo.

What does this all mean? We're right back to square one, the issue that nobody has ever made the frontrunner face: Tara has to control everything. Seriously, WHEN IS SOMEONE GOING TO TELL HER that she's probably going to gain the weight back (or turn to something else equally destructive) unless she learns to be cool with not having control over things that are beyond her control?

Then we pause for a commercial break. And that ad where the disgusting germy water droplets fly through the air? Seriously gross.

We return to find Tara angsting and threatening to throw the weigh-in so she can go home, away from "all this stress". Laura, like a true teammate and friend, runs after her and Jillians her into staying. Way to go with the pep talk, Laura. If it weren't for the cameras following you around I might actually believe it was completely spontaneous.

Moving onto the challenge, Helen thinks they're going to drive the cars. Really, Helen? DRIVE them? Puh-leeze. Have you ever actually WATCHED this show? Anyway, up drives Clint Bowyer. I've never heard of him before, probably because I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about car racing. However, the contestants all seemed pretty excited - maybe because he's a walking billboard for Cheerios, the official cereal of The Biggest Loser? (It's healthy! Adults love it! Kids love it! What's not to love? Pick some up at your local supermarket today!)

Anyway, they've all got to pull their cars a half-mile, laden with the added weight from the pre-challenge, and Tara lags behind in 3rd position. Then, just when I think I've seen the depths of how seriously Tara can pull it out, she surprises again. She had scads more weight to pull than anyone else, and she came up from behind to win it, CONVINCINGLY, against two very large and strong men! What was I saying about her not being able to win every challenge? I take it back. Unbefreakinlievable. Like seriously, is she even human? Maybe she's a fem-bot. That would explain a lot.

Random thoughts on the challenge:

• Aubrey does awesome eyerolls, I must say.
• I think Ron did super-well in the challenge all by himself before people came back to help him.
• Brilliant move on Clint Bowyer's part there to not wear a goddman HELMET doing the victory laps! Hello! Moron!

We also need to have our weekly torture session of product placement. This week it's for some kind of lean, barbecue-able meat, except we get the added bonus of seeing shots of chubby Tongan people! Actually, a few times this episode we're told yet again that a) Sione and Filipe are Tongans; b) Tongan culture has an obesity crisis; and c) Sione and Filipe are single-handedly (double-handedly?) going to change the attitude towards food of Tongan people all over the whole world with the example of their own health and fitness! (In all seriousness, I do think that these two guys are terrific, and I think they can at least help the situation. Certainly Sione's hotness is pretty "inspirational", if you know what I mean...)

After that it's your usual run-of-the-mill last chance workout...Jillian yelling, people grunting desperately, the usual. Except that holy cow, look at Helen run!

Next we have the weigh-in. Now, next week's show synopsis (SPOILER ALERT) says that Ali and Michelle, the winners from the last two seasons, are coming in next week to take over hosting duties. This means, presumably, that this week's weigh-in must be the one where Ali (the usual host, not Ali the season 5 winner) was in labour. So DH and I were totally watching her and listening for stress in her voice. I think we heard it catch a few times, and she also seemed waaaay more emotional than usual, so I think that was it.

Cut to another commercial break, during which DH wants to know: Hey, is Donald Trump one of the people we can vote off of Celebrity Apprentice?

So welcome back to the first weigh-in of the season when the ladies get to ditch the halter tops in favour of tanks, and the men get to put some shirts on. This means that the women can wear the midriff equivalent of Spanx, and the audience gets a respite from seeing moobs.

Milestones achieved this week:

• (As we were constantly reminded might happen) Kristin becomes the first woman to hit the 100lb total weightloss level on campus. Yay!
• Filipe and Sione also passed the 100lb total weightloss mark
• Tara has lost over one-third of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Helen passed the 30% total weightloss mark
• Laura and Ron passed the 25% total weightloss mark

Random thoughts on the weigh-in:

• You wanna know something scary? For all her weight loss, Kristin is still morbidly obese. Don't get me wrong, she's doing AWESOME...but it speaks to how bad things were to start with that after over 100lbs lost, her weight is still really bad.
• New BMI champion in the house: Helen's now at 28.6! This beats Tara!
• The only sad face at Ron's results was Ron's. He's finally hitting his stride! Hooray!
• I think Tara considered becoming the first woman to hit 100lbs of weight loss on the ranch vs. doing some waterloading and ensuring a safe week next week, and decided it would be best to let Kristin have the glory. Last week's two-pound loss devastated her completely, but with this week's three-pound loss we saw more of an "oh, well, whatever" reaction. Total giveaway.

Aubrey and Filipe fall below the yellow line and everybody has a decision to make (and as quickly as damn possible, if Ali has anything to say about it - whew, didja see how she rushed them through the vote?). Aubrey uses her usual unconvincing voice to say how much she wants to stay. Sione tells everyone that Filipe has issues that will make it impossible for him to lose the weight at home. (Really? First time I've heard of 'em.) The vote is pretty close, but Aubrey ends up going home. Her family is absolutely thrilled to see her. Her husband loves her to death and her older daughter makes me totally well up when they hug. We find out that Aubrey and Mandi's dad has already lost 26lbs, which is FANTASTIC.

But then we find out what happened next. Aubrey put everyone else ahead of herself again and blew back up to 200lbs. Finally by the at-home profile shoot, she clawed back down and lost a further 10 pounds from where she started upon leaving the ranch. Pretty sucky, but better than nothing. The whole thing made me sad.

Second-best line of the night was from Kristin on the pre-challenge: "It's a game called, 'let's see how much everyone in the house hates you'."

Far and away the best line of the night, though, was from Ron on Mike's coin-flip: "He's an idiot. All eighteen-year-olds are idiots." :D

Next week, milestones to look for:

• Tara could hit the 100lbs total weightloss mark
• Kristin could drop below 250lbs
• Kristin could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese
• Filipe, Sione and Kristin could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
• Mike could hit the one-third total weightloss mark

Also next week (SPOILERS):

Past winners Ali Vincent and Michelle Aguilar return to the ranch to take over hosting duties from Ali Sweeney. Elsewhere, new arrivals change the competition; a player suffers a medical setback; a balance challenge suspends the contestants over a pool; and Bob holds last-chance workouts at the beach.

Week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The players compete for the sole vote at the elimination during a risky temptation challenge. Later, Rocco DiSpirito teaches the contestants how to make healthy versions of restaurant dishes; two former contestants offer advice; and the players scale stadium steps during a challenge.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/17

So everyone's sent home for the whole week. Many reunions, all incredibly vorklemptness-provoking. I loved how in love Helen and her husband are. I am still rewinding and replaying the moment that Sione's wife first laid eyes on him. Her expression was hilaaarious, and clearly said "OMG! I get to hit that! Squee!" :) Finally, we have the most emotional reunion of all at the Morelli household. Ron's wife's delight over Mike was just delicious to see. But Max's face when he saw Mike was heartbreaking. And he full-on broke into the ugly cry. Poor, poor boy. I felt so bad for him, and just wanted to reach through the television and give him a big ol' there-there hug. But it's so heartwarmingly obvious that he is so loved and so supported by his family, I have every confidence that he will be able to turn things around for himself with his father and brother there by his side.

General observations:

• Filipe in a tie actually makes him appear thicker than he is. Not a good look.
• Seeing how seriously tall Tara's brother is suddenly made her "thing" for Dane (6'4") and Blaine (6'8") make more sense. I now think it's a fraternal thing, not a romantic thing.
• I think Laura's mom is super-elegant.
• Mike totally gets his looks from his mom. Ron's looks clearly went to Max.

After the reunions, it's straight to the challenge. Doorbells ring, and contestants answer them only to find that the Biggest Loser producers have set bags of manure on fire and left them on the contestant's porches. Er, wait, no, sorry, make that tins of sugar cookies and DVDs. (Same diff.) As Laura bends down to pick up her challenge tin, DH uttered these fateful words: "OMG, I did NOT need to know that Laura wears a g-string." Seriously, guys. If you taped or PVRed the episode, take another look at that five-second snippet. Total thong shot. Plumbers could learn a thing or two about butt revelation from this girl. ;););)

So anyhoo, the challenge is a half-marathon. Which I didn't think would be an impossible challenge for these people, who have been steadily building fitness for two and a half months. Worst case scenario, I figured they were all capable of at least walking for several straight hours, except for Ron and his poor knees.

But we also have the potential monkey wrench of those sugar cookies. Which don't look that appealing, I have to be honest with you, but whatever. Sione, as usual, has the best attitude about the challenge vs. cookie thing. I also think that Tara really made the right decision to not eat cookies, because really, there was no point. She had to know that anyone who ate cookies would pile minutes up on her, so she had no chance, really, and might as well eat right and just do her personal best.

Observations about the challenge:

• Laura's face is FINALLY starting to show changes. Most contestants really show weight loss in their faces at this point, but Laura's hasn't been, she still had a "fat face", which I found distressing, because it didn't match with the mass she was losing off the rest of her body, and furthered the (false) impression that she was a weak contestant. But now things are starting to sleek up a bit around her jowls and cheekbones. Yay.
• I've decided that Filipe is the lovechild of Mario van Peebles and Dwane Johnson. Who's with me?
• Look at Filipe's wife smacking his ass during the run! That's some serious cuteness right there.
• I felt really bad when Sione went down 200 yards from the finish. So not fair.
• Tara's mom's vorklemptness watching her daughter do the half-marathon was awesome. She was totally overcome.
• I got seriously vorklempt watching the final bits of the run from Tara and Sione. Oh hell, everybody's finishes welled me up, actually.
• Why the HELL did they get Aubrey to run outside in frickin' WINTER?!?
• I was so damn impressed when Helen came third. But I was even more gobsmacked when Cathy came FIFTH! Stunning!

When they played that Special K commercial where the woman can't fasten the button on her jeans, DH quipped, "Just take a PISS!"

General observations about the time at home.

• Aubrey's father is frickin' enormous. Like, I think worse BMI than Dan enormous. Very sad. I don't think he has any sense of self-worth (which would explain Aubrey, I think). And I don't think Aubrey took the right tone with him. I really hope he can get it together.
• Aubrey! Pancakes? Eggs? SAUSAGE?!? Are you frickin' kidding me? No wonder you lost only 2 pounds while you were home last time!
• Look at Kristin being the Bob!
• Gawd! We cannot even get away from the product shilling when they're off the ranch!
• Yay Helen with the changing of ways.
• I adore Kristin's hat and scarf set. Seriously cute.
• Aubrey's husband was so sweet interviewing about how into her he was. However, I firmly believe he has to translate that love into helping her the fuck out with the house and the children. I mean, come on. Even when she was home last time and trying to interview for the show, you could hear the children running amok and then she said "Forget it," and stopped the interview to deal with whatever havok the kids were wreaking. All evidence to me that the dude needs to step up.

Anyway, so Sione wins the challenge, thanks to the woman who sugar-cookied against a TEAMMATE in favour of a teammate who freakin' crossed the gym floor! This show is unbelievable. Helen is such a gameplayer. I love her, but she's such a gameplayer. And I am still trying to figure out why nobody sugar-cookied Sione. Did they all lose their minds?!?

Sione SERIOUSLY needs to buy Helen something pretty.

So back at the ranch, we are now at the point in the season when they do retrospectives of people from the beginning of the show vs. now. I LOVE this part, seriously lovelovelove it. Glee! And hey, is it just me, or is Mike really starting to remind people of Daniel Radcliffe? His face looks awesome, he's so cuuute! (DH sez: "He is going to get laid SO much at university." Dude, I called that last week. ;)

On the good news front:

• Tara and Aubrey break the 200lb mark
• Aubrey passes the 50lb total weightloss mark
• Ron passes the 100lb total weightloss mark (I was so delighted to see him have a good week)
• Aubrey passes the 20% total weightloss mark
• Mike passes the 30% total weightloss mark
• Helen moves from obese to overweight

I was so sad for Cathy and Kristin, though. Especially Kristin. She just really can't seem to do it at home, can she? :(

Other general weigh-in observations

• OMG. As long as Sione stays in the house, I am going to seriously enjoy weigh-ins! He looks fine. (Note: my husband is also tremendously fine. However, I feel no guilt about admiring the aesthetic qualities of other men.)
• So apparently the weigh-in was just one big opportunity for Jillian to tell America that she's the best thing ever.
• How sweet were Mike and Ron together after Ron's triumph on the scale? I LOVE THAT FAMILY.

Very weird decision in the elimination room, though. I'm really not sure why Cathy decided to take the bullet, because I don't see how Kristin was at risk. Three original-Bob's-team members against one original-Jillian's-team member, kinda made it look like a slam dunk against Aubrey. Even if there was a tie and Black got to choose who went home, there are four original-Bob's-team members on Black vs. two original-Jillian's-team, and Aubrey would very likely have been gone, too. So it seems to me that Cathy's best decision as far as helping Kristin was concerned would've been to keep herself in the game so they could continue to be a voting block. All I can think of is that Cathy decided to be more fair-minded about whom to send home rather than thinking about keeping Kristin there as long as possible. Weird, but definitely nice for Aubrey.

Back at home, we see that Cathy has lost an additional 26 pounds, for a total overall weightloss percentage of 26.62%. All power to her. Also, I deeply covet her necklace, it was gorgeous.

Next week, look for the following potential milestones:

• Filipe, Kristin, Sione and Tara could all pass 100lb of total weightloss
• Ron could pass the 25% total weightloss mark
• Helen could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
• Tara could pass the one-third total weightloss mark

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

Canoe: The contestants meet NASCAR driver Clint Bowyer; ``Biggest Loser'' records are broken at a weigh-in.
TV Guide: The players pull cars loaded with extra weight assigned to them by their teammates in a challenge featuring NASCAR's Clint Bowyer. Later, the teams are dissolved, leaving the contestants to compete as singles; a player breaks a record at the weigh-in.

Then, the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

Past winners Ali Vincent and Michelle Aguilar return to the ranch to take over hosting duties from Ali Sweeney. Elsewhere, new arrivals change the competition; a player suffers a medical setback; a balance challenge suspends the contestants over a pool; and Bob holds last-chance workouts at the beach.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/10

After an agonizingly slow and painfully endless recap, Mike saves the day! Hooray!

(Ten bucks says the producers set it up that way to give Mike some self-confidence and "can do" positive thinking.)

Mike has now, by the way...

• lost more than a total of 25% of his bodyweight
• lost more than 100lbs total
• moved from morbidly obese to clinically obese

Good lad. Could Ron have looked any prouder?

So then we go outside for a quick pop challenge: Sit bracing yourself against a wall with a medicine ball on your lap. Last person left, uh, sitting, controls the weigh-in, which is one-on-one this week. (Could it be any more obvious that they're giving Blue every chance possible to win something?)

Anyway, Tara does her usual superhuman endurance stuff and wins the challenge. She gets to choose who faces off against whom. Her choices are as follows:

Mike vs Cathy
Sione vs Mandi
Filipe vs Kristin
Helen vs. Ron
Laura vs Aubrey

And everyone tries not to laugh as they stare each other down with psuedo-mean faces. And Mandi, for some bizarre reason, is completely intimidated by Sione. Hello?!? Mandi! GROW SOME SELF-CONFIDENCE! At this point, you have lost almost 2% more of your bodyweight this season than Sione has, AND he has a sprained ankle. Stop being so down about yourself! That's exactly how you got to be 263lbs in the first place! Augh!!!

Anyway, Tara gets to give herself a week where her weight loss doesn't matter. So it's almost like having immunity - she can waterload and do kinda crappy, and then, as long as she's made good choices with the one-on-one so that her team wins the weigh-in, she can kick ass the next week.

Day 2 starts out with the big ol' triple P: Painful. Product. Placement. (*blinkblinkblink* We're supposed to have fibre, Bob? Really?) In response, I have a triple-P of my own: Producers? Puh-LEEZE. (Puke.)

Then at the first workout of the week, we have the lame setup of much draaama. Filipe is bitter about being ignored by Jillian. (Plus, he seriously needs to cut his hair, he looks like a mop. Or a cast member on Welcome Back Kotter, take your pick.) Filipe and Kristin wind each other up to hilarious effect. Jillian worries aloud that the Black team is getting too cocky and that you always have to worry about the underdog (ironic, since Jillian's usually the queen of the underdogs).

Next up: challenge. I was really pleased to see how well Ron kept up with Filipe. I mean, of course he was going to be behind, but I expected it to be a lot worse than it was. I also can't believe it took so long before someone tried rolling UNDER the obstacle bars.

(I am worried about all these "medical concerns" that keep taking Kristin out, though. DH guesses hernia. Anybody know?)

Anyway, unsurprisingly, Black wins and lords it over Blue yet again. But even at that point, I thought it was a good challenge NOT to win. 24 hours of luxury = 24 hours of temptation and no ranch. That immediately gives the team that stays home the advantage. And sure enough, the Black girls geek out over the bath and scented goodies in the hotel before the entire team loses total control. Scads of crappy food, lots of alcohol, and some cigarettes. (Although on the plus side, I thought Tara looked fabulous at dinner, and Helen's hair looked terrific, too.) Now, I totally think that the Black team was told by the producers to be that cocky in the interviews, so I will forgive them for the arrogance. The calorie run-up and smoking, however, were pure dumbassity. Jillian was totally right to be furious. But Jillian's problem is that she tends to sarcasm when she's frustrated, which was obviously the wrong place to go with Filipe at that point. I have that tendency myself when my kids do stupid stuff, and usually, it just highlights your own lack of control over the situation and alienates the person you're trying to help.

Actually, Jillian generally seems to be screwing up a lot this season with her people. A few weeks ago she totally missed the opportunity to get Tara to deal with her control freak issues when Tara hit a wall; last week she was unnecessarily mean to Laura; and then this week with her team when they "strayed". And she seems overly stressed by this particular season. I also read a rumour this week that she totally lost it during a taping of the Tyra Banks show - very possibly a completely false bit of Hollywood talk, of course, but it does make me wonder if she's having some issues at the moment. On the other hand, I've been listening to a few recordings of her talk radio show lately, and she sounds perfectly like her regular self there, so who knows. I'm certainly not underestimating the Biggest Loser producers' ability to make things on the ranch look exactly the way they want them to, regardless of what's really going on there. (Grr.) What has been accomplished, however, is that Jillian once again has things right back to the way she likes it: the underdog position. I really think that having a stacked, unbelievably strong team was messing her up; she had it so good, she didn't know what to do with herself. Now, she's back in the underdog comfort zone where she can concentrate her efforts on just a few people, so things might start looking up for her again.

Anyway, Filipe gets emotional and storms out, taking "Mount Everest" with him. Bob's face when they came to find him was hilaaaarious. He was completely all deer-in-headlights, "WTF is going on?!?" Of course, the correct thing for him to do would have been to try and help everybody on the Black team SOLVE their issues, since he's the only person Sione and Filipe would be willing to listen to at this point, but instead he goes with the "Sure, I'll train ya!" option and cements the wedge.

However, prior to all the decadent luxury and high drama, the Blue team was working their asses off back on the ranch. Headshots of Black team members were used to great effect, both as targets in dart games, and as the "carrot" at the head of the treadmill. (It was good. I laughed.)

So then we go to the most surreal last chance workout ever, where we have people who are competing directly against each other training side-by-side, all under Bob. Weird. Funny, but weird. And may I just say that Mike looks like he's getting damn good at the boxing thing. He is really doing well and looking pretty darn cute, too. I think when he finishes losing the weight and goes to university this fall, he is going to be completely thrown by an awful lot of female attention. :)

(Am I the only one who found Helen's godfather remark about Ron kind of offensive?)

Finally, we move to the most depressing weigh-in ever. I love weigh-ins because I love seeing good numbers get posted, the happiness at success, and milestones reached. This week, however, contained almost no joy. Even the biggest loser of all (Mike) lost less than 3% over the week; plus we had three people who didn't see a loss. THREE!!! That's a baaad weigh-in, folks. The only milestones reached this week were that Helen and Sione passed the 25% total weightloss mark. Worst of all was Mandi's number. I was completely and utterly shocked when I saw that gain. It couldn't POSSIBLY have been done on purpose, and I don't think she cheated on her diet or didn't work out hard enough. The only explanation I can think of is self-induced stress. Also, perhaps she didn't fufill her caloric requirements in a misguided effort to lose as much weight as possible, and it backfired because she didn't have the energy intake she needed to lose the weight? Who knows. It was, however, totally heartbreaking. Especially when the producers basically rigged the whole week to enable Blue to win a weigh-in, and they still couldn't pull it out.

Elimination was tough. Mandi and Aubrey were obviously at risk since there's no way Ron, Kristin and Cathy were going to vote for each other, which would normally make it 3 against 2. (Although pretty soon, Ron, Kristin and Cathy are going to have to start "eating their own".) However, since Laura won an extra vote last week, she gets to come in and potentially force a tie, which means that the Black team gets to make the final decision. This doesn't give the Mandy/Aubrey team a reprieve, however, since Jillian's original team is even more outnumbered over there by members of Bob's original team: 4 against 2. We discover that the Black team's plan is to vote Aubrey out (which is kind of dumb, since Mandi's the stronger player). So, since it was established that Ron, Kristin and Cathy would all vote for Mandi, the situation is as follows:

If Mandi, Aubrey and Laura all vote as a block, it will force a tie, and Black will kick out Aubrey.
OR
If Mandi, Aubrey and Laura don't all vote the same way, the 3 votes for Mandi from Ron, Kristin and Cathy will kick out Mandi.

And Aubrey, sacrificing herself once again as is her wont (and which is one of the reasons she got to 249lbs), gets Laura on-side and sets up herself, Mandi and Laura as a voting block of three so Black will vote her out. She swears up and down to Mandi and Laura that she will do great at home. But in the elimination room, Mandi shatters Aubrey's strategy by voting for Ron instead of Cathy, because Mandi realises that Aubrey needs to stop sacrificing herself for other people and stay at the ranch. And the SECOND that Mandi announced in elimination room that she could do it at home, Aubrey knew EXACTLY what was coming and dissolved into sobs.

I started crying, too. Heck, I'm tearing up right now just writing about it. I thought Mandi did an absolutely beautiful thing saving her sister from herself. It was so lovely. I really hope that Mandi truly has realised how kick-ass she is. She IS strong. She IS worth it. (And she's gorgeous, too.) Back at home, we see that she's lost an additional 18 pounds since leaving the ranch. (I seriously think they must be filming these at-home sequences looong before they actually air, because people just aren't shedding the huge amounts of weight that I would expect from having approximately 16 weeks at home between vote-off and episode-airing.) She's excited about her life and her family's future, and everybody's happy. Even her children are expressing disgust at cheezies and reaching for asparagus instead! Nirvana has been achieved!

Best line of the night was from Kristin, referencing the face-off between her and Filipe: "May the best woman win."

Next week, we have some good potential milestones:

• Kristin, Sione and Tara could reach 100lbs of total weight loss; even Ron could do it if he sheds 7lbs in one shot
• Aubrey and Tara will drop below 200 if they lose any weight at all
• Aubrey could pass 20% total weight loss
• Filipe could pass 25% total weight loss
• Mike could pass 30% total weight loss
• Helen could move from obese to overweight

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The contestants spend a week at home, where they must run a half marathon and make healthy food choices. Later, the players face a cookie temptation; and the weigh-in reveals the contestants' progress while at home.

And the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The players pull cars loaded with extra weight assigned to them by their teammates in a challenge featuring NASCAR's Clint Bowyer. Later, the teams are dissolved, leaving the contestants to compete as singles; a player breaks a record at the weigh-in.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/03

What. The.
FUCK!
Was that?

Bite me, Biggest Loser producers! I tune in every week for RESULTS, not manufactured drama! I do not need any stupid "to be continued" message on my screen because your editors are so incompetent that they think two minutes of recap filler after every commercial break (because we're all obviously too stupid to remember where we left off a whole three minutes ago) is more important than editing the show properly so that we can see what actually HAPPENED.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ohmmm...

We open with a weird recap-slash-sneak-peek montage, in which we see Filipe completely and utterly lose it. It appears that he's upset about a lack of attention from Jillian during the workouts. Since this scene didn't show up this week, I have to assume it takes place in a future episode, which is a pretty good indicator that, whatever the results are for this week, they don't involve Filipe going home. Yay that - I really like Filipe.

So after the montage (which was yet another time-filler preventing us from having the time to see results this week; yes, I'm bitter), we see the fallout from last week's elimination. Tara tells it like it is to Mandi and Aubrey about how dumb it was to split their votes. (And I happen to agree with her.) In response, Mandi goes off and squeaks for a while in registers only dogs can hear about how doomed she is. I wish someone would slap her upside the head and point out to her that she has the lowest BMI in the house, not to mention THE best-looking midriff, no contest. I mean, really - her results are awesome. She needs to grab herself by the scruff of the neck and shake vigorously until some self-confidence spatters all over her.

So then we see our dear friend Rocco getting the contestants to make disgusting faces over the food they used to eat before they experienced The Great Conversion To The Way Of The Weight Loss. Then everybody gets to come up with low-fat versions of typical fast food menu items, and I gotta say that some of the visuals and descriptions of those foods? WANT. And the Ron/Mike pizza-off was hilaaarious.

Just as an aside, I'm really glad that they seem to have replaced "temptations" with these "pop challenges". It sends a much better message. And Laura wins the extra vote in elimination this week. It's not going to help her, because it's still three votes for Jillian's old team vs. four votes for Bob's old team if Black goes into elimination, but it makes her happy anyway.

Also, the black team TOTALLY deserved the water spritzing. I LOVE how the whole house gets along so well.

Blue team got a treat this week: shadow boxing with Sugar Ray Leonard. Aubrey was SO CUTE when she realised who it was in the gym.

Then we get good news from Dr. H. for a lot of folks. But I'm a bit worried, because although they played up the good news for Ron, it overall sounded like things were still pretty bad. :(

Jillian works out her team with a focus on Sione, and he sprains his ankle. This worries me. Of course, it's good that it was the best kind of sprain to get if you're going to get a sprain, but it still sucks.

And then, the challenge: packing up boxes of food for food banks. We learn that when Aubrey had her first two children, she was single and desperate and had to get food from a food bank, so this challenge is particularly meaningful to her. The fact that the prize is free groceries for a year and letters from home only make it more important to her to win the challenge, since she has five children (as we are constantly reminded). Fair enough. The teams are uneven, so one person on the black team has to sit it out. I thought that would be a no-brainer: cut out Sione, give his sprain a chance to heal. But no, they cut LAURA, which I thought was unbelievably weird.

Anyway, Black wins AGAIN and totally whoops it up while Aubrey weeps into her sister's arms. Hey, Filipe, where are your righeous comments now about not lording a win over someone who deserved it more? Hmmm?

But all is set to rights the next day when Mike does the best thing ever and gives his groceries prize to Aubrey. I loved Mandi's face when Aubrey announced it to her team. Ron didn't seem surprised, though, which makes me think he suggested the idea to Mike in the first place? Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, Ron gets big kudos for raising such a fine son, and yours truly goes completely vorklempt. I love these guys.

Finally, last chance workout, where Jillian screws up. Tired of Laura's constant reversion into the role of victim/weakling (which I totally agree is a huge problem), Jillian attempts to prove to Laura that she's not weak by getting the entire Black team to tell her that they think Laura's the weak link on their team. Uh huh. Sorry, where were you going with that, Jillian? Oh yes, you were trying to make the point that Laura MAKES everyone think she's weak, but she's actually strong. Too bad Laura got overwhelmed with sadness and humiliation before you could get to that rather crucial element of your argument.

Here's an idea, Jillian: maybe you should have pointed out all of Laura's successes (and there are many, no doubt about that) FIRST; and THEN contrasted them against her team's perception of her. THAT would have been constructive. But the way you did it was just mean. I know you were trying to do something totally different, but you did it horribly wrong and undermined Laura's trust. Way to go. Bad trainer. No cookie for you.

One thing that was great to see throughout the episode was that most people's faces and jawlines are really showing the differences. One contrast that was particularly shocking was the flashback during the Dr. H. happiness session to Tara's initial weigh-in. Big wow there.

So the "feed America" love-fest continues with the announcement that for every pound the contestants lose this week, The Biggest Loser will donate 100 pounds of food to food banks. It's also announced that everybody's weighing in TOGETHER, which is very, very cool. I think it was Mike who said it, that this was what weigh-ins SHOULD be about: everybody doing their very best and helping each other out to get EVERYONE to the goal. So the deal this week is that if the combined weight loss of everyone on the ranch exceeds one pound of weight loss per day per person (i.e. more than 77 total pounds lost among everyone), then EVERYONE will be safe. But if that target is not met, one person from EACH team is going home. (Incidentally, that means the target is a combined weight loss percentage of about 2.5%.)

That said, we begin the weigh-in. Some disappointing results this week, particularly from Cathy and Sione, who each lost just 3 pounds. But a lot of other people do very well indeed, particularly Mandi, who lost 3.94% with her 8 pounds (which traditionally would give her immunity if her team goes to elimination), and Tara, who lost an holy-crap-unbelievable 11 pounds, or 5.21% (again, this would traditionally bestow immunity if her team goes to elimination, unless Mike loses 16 pounds and beats her percentage, which would mean she's safe anyway since that number from Mike would give everybody immunity).

Some great milestones this week:

• Mandi dropped below 200lbs
• Aubrey went from being clinically obese to obese
• Mandi and Tara moved from being obese to overweight (!!!)
• Laura and Ron passsed the 20% total weight loss mark
• Kristin has lost exactly 25% of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Mandi passed the 25% total weight loss mark
• Tara passed the 30% total weight loss mark

Finally, we're left with one contestant to weigh in: Mike. And he has to lose at least 10 pounds for everybody to be safe. And his last three week weight loss numbers have been at least 10 pounds each. Will he hit a wall and DOOM everyone, sending TWO people home? (Which would be so unfair, since if it does happen, it'll be Mike that is perceived as letting everyone down, when it'd be more fair to place the blame on Cathy, Sione and Ron for pulling less than 2% losses this week.)

Can I just ask? What the HELL is up with constantly putting the weight of the world on this poor kid's shoulders? My heart just about broke watching his face as he realised it was all up to him and he needed a two-figure number. And then - a total kick in the nuts - we don't even get to SEE what happens until next week.

Or, will Mike lose 10 (or more) pounds, pass the 25% total weight loss mark, pass the 100lb total weight loss mark, and maybe even get his BMI down from morbidly obese to clinically obese? Only next week's show will tell.

So let's look ahead to next week and see what kind of milestones we might expect at the NEXT weigh-in, assuming any of these people are still on the ranch at that point:

• Aubrey and Tara could both drop below 200 pounds
• Helen and Filipe could hit the 25% total weight loss mark
• Aubrey could hit a total weight loss of 50lbs
• Tara could hit a total weight loss of 100lbs

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The team that wins a 24-hour fitness relay is promised 24 hours of luxury, but some contestants are unable to resist temptation; one contestant has it out with the trainer; one contestant is eliminated.

"One contestant is eliminated"? Is this a hint as to how Mike did? Because if he didn't get 10 pounds or more, then wouldn't it say that THREE contestants are eliminated (two from this week's weigh-in, one from next week's)? Or are they just talking about the next weigh-in? Man, I hate this crap.

Also, I'm guessing that "one contestant has it out with the trainer" is that Filipe-and-Jillian thing from the montage at the beginning of the show. Who knows what'll go down with that.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/25

PART II

Basically, last night's show was just a weigh-in with a little added "padding" to stretch it out to an hour.

So we start off with a surprise quiz. And once again, hairband on Filipe? STILL NOT A GOOD LOOK, MAN!

Then we get into the unavoidable product placement. Still cheezy, but actually a little more natural this time, amazingly...except for the pathetic "yummy noises" the blue team made while eating the veggies.

After that, it's time for the last chance workout. And I have come to the conclusion that Tara either a) doesn't care whether she's referred to as TAH-ra or TEH-ra (which would make her very different from every single Tara I've ever met), or b) is going to kill Jillian any day now for constantly pronouncing her name wrong.

There were some really uplifting moments in the last chance workout this week. First of all, all the switched people seem to be adjusting really well to their new trainers, and some were really shining. I got fantastic chills watching Bob be so encouraging of Mandi and Aubrey. I would feel sooo good about myself if he were my trainer and talking to me like that! It was awesome. It was also really great to see Mandi waxing enthusiastic about Bob in her interviews, she was really glowing and happy about the whole thing. Another thing I noticed was how Filipe's face is really starting to get chiselled. He's got a real Mario van Peebles thing going on now, I think.

Then we move into the weigh-in. And it's really wonderful that now we're really able to see big differences in people. Even Ron and Cathy, who have been struggling, you can still see changes. And LOOK AT MANDI'S STOMACH!!! Awesome stuff. This is why I watch the show! There were some fantastic results this week, it's such a shame that somebody had to go home. Among the most notable accomplishments, some of which were pointed out during the show:

• Cathy, Filipe and Sione moved from morbidly obese to clinically obese.
• Laura moved from clinically obese to obese.
• Cathy went below 250lbs. I was TICKLED at her weight loss number. She's had a bunch of rotten weeks lately, and it was about damn frickin' time the scale was nice to her. I was so happy to see it.
• Dane has lost a total of 100lbs.
• Helen went below 200lbs.
• Mike went below 300lbs.
• Ron went below 350lbs.

And then we went back into the elimination room to witness what was possibly the stupidest voting decision ever in Biggest Loser history. I mean, look at the facts. The black team is unbelievably strong - they've got Sione AND Filipe AND Tara! Not to mention Laura, who was the biggest individual loser in week 5 and the 2nd-biggest individual loser last week; and Mike, who's young and strong and has started to hit a stride with good percentages of weight loss. Finally on the black team there's Helen, who's tough, consistent, and a gameplayer. By contrast, the blue team is weak and definitely at a disadvantage. I mean, yes, compassion for people who "need to be here" and all that, but come on! Cutting out Dane increased the Black team's advantage exponentially. As my husband said, "They just tore the guts out of what was already a weak team." Bob is going to be FURIOUS when he finds out what they've done.

Personally, I would have gotten rid of Aubrey. Her weight loss is erratic, and it's not as much of an emotional kick in the nuts to send her off as it would be if they axed Ron. And speaking of Ron, I think his days of coasting on the "who needs to be here" line have come to an end. I love the guy, and I'm scared that he won't do well at home, but the season has really reached the point where he can't compete with the rest of them. At some point soon, his team is going to cut him because he's holding them back.

Back at home, we have no idea how much weight Dane has dropped since leaving the ranch, and he doesn't look much different, either. I thought that was weird - especially since he's been training for a MARATHON - and also disappointing. Hopefully we'll see big differences at the finale.

Funniest moment of the show: Aubrey's eyeroll upon seeing her weight loss number.

Looking ahead to next week, we've got some more potential milestones coming up:

• Aubrey could move from clinically obese to obese
• Kristin could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese, which would be amaaaaazing since she started the season as the most overweight woman ever; they keep talking about how Carla WEIGHS the most of any female ever, but her BMI was 57.6 compared to Kristin's 58.1, meaning Kristin was more overweight inch-for-inch; for her to move out of morbid obesity would be a fantastic milestone
• If Tara loses at least 6 pounds, she'll have lost a total of 30% of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Big possible week for Mandi: first of all, if she loses any weight, she'll move from obese to overweight, and if she loses at least 4 pounds, she'll drop below 200lbs
• Huge possible week for Mike: he could hit 100lbs of total weight loss; he could move from being morbidly obese to clinically obese; and he could pass the 25% total weight loss mark

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/24

PART I

Okay, I HATE not having weigh-in results at the end of a show. It totally blows. Can't wait until tonight.

So the pop challenge: mud. First of all, this shouldn't have been a big deal since they all got down and dirty with the mud wrestling last week and had a fantastic time. I particularly loved Kristin's football player raccoon eyes with the mud streaks, and her determined "plop" right into the mud. Hilarious. Also funny was Helen's "Oooh! Oooh!" icky-it's-cold reaction as she slowly lowered herself into it. And finally, after it was all over, we discover the true advantage of being on the Brown team - mud doesn't show on your shirt! It just obscures the Biggest Loser logo...oh hey, another advantage! ;)

However, I was diappointed with the results of the challenge. Of all the teams in the house, I thought Sione and Filipe would be most screwed by a trainer switch, and I was really rooting for Sione to win it. I felt so sorry for them. Watching Sione's face and body language as he handed his muddy blue shirt to Alison and took the black was really saddening. (Tara's reaction to the black shirt, however, that it was "slimming", was pretty funny.) That said, Sione and Filipe (especially Sione) REALLY need to get over the trainer switch or they're gonna be screwed.

As for my reaction to the team changes, I thought Brown's strategy on how to split them up was interesting. Certainly this whole change is going to make voting seriously weird from now on. I also think Mike's going to do great with Jillian. I also think Dane, Mandi and Aubrey will do fine with Bob. It's all going to work out fine. Humans are adaptable. Jillian, however (who was so cool with Sione's disappointment at that first meeting, it was really sweet to see), has now got herself a TREMENDOUSLY strong black team. Bob's at a serious disadvantage here.

And speaking of Bob, he just exacerbated the whole situation. He just compounded the problem for Sione, Filipe, and Helen (Mike, on the other hand, seemed totally cool with being with Jillian), clearly sending them the message: We can't get along without each other. What he should have done was suppress whatever emotional pain he was going through...and LIE. Lie like his life depended on it, to convince his former people that they CAN do it, that it WILL be okay. He was the only guy that could have convinced them of that, and instead, he screwed up large, and just made it worse. Instead, he actually started looking to THEM to help emotionally support HIM, which is so very wrong! Bad Bob. Bad. This is Bob's problem, his weakness - being too involved with the people. I mean, Jillian gets attached, too, but not like that. And I think Jillian knows this about Bob, and uses it to give her an advantage every time.

Generally speaking, I think the team switches send a very important message to people at home, which seems to be a theme this season: it's not about the trainer, it's not about the equipment, it's not about having your teammate with you, it's not about being on a show. At the end of the day, there is only ONE person who can make you work to lose the weight, and that is YOU. The circumstances may be good or bad, but they can't be the reason you do or don't succeed. It's all got to come from inside you.

And what was nice about the overly-schmaltzy, emotional retrospectives of Bob-with-old-team was to see how much smaller Mike has become! That was great.

EXCRUCIATINGLY painful product placement this week. Ugh. Jillian's right, though, and it sucks: the food that is best for you is the food that spoils the quickest. Bleargh. Oh, and Filipe? Hairbands are not a good look for you. Just sayin'.

I don't have too much to say about the challenge - yeah yeah, it was gruelling, it was impressive. It's just that...well, I'm all for the not quitting thing and everything, and I did love the symbolism of working through the awfulness and finishing the challenge and completing what you start and all that great stuff. And hooray for Sione for being the house inspiration to complete the challenge...but, y'know, can we just look at the big picture here? And that is that sleep deprivation is BAD for weight loss. Bad. STOOPID challenge. But hey, did you see Sione's ARMS at one point near the end when he was on the bike? That was MUSCLE, baybee! It was pretty wow. They can flash his arms on my screen again anytime, thanks.

Oh, and Tara? Did you actually sit there on my TV whining about being scared that you won't "look good" to your new team members? Hello?!? Spare me! You're TARA, for the love of gawd! Wake up! NOBODY in the house thinks you're not an asset to your team. Nobody in the FREAKIN VIEWING AUDIENCE ALL AROUND THE WORLD thinks you're a slacker! Please!

Other miscellaneous observations about the challenge:

• I liked the attempt at trash-talking between Mandi and Helen near the beginning - it was nice to see something that fun and good-natured.
• Anybody else notice Alison's righteous cardigan at the end of the challenge? I'd knit that.

And best quote of the show:

Aubrey: My ass is on FIRE.
Mandi: Oh, it'll go numb, don't worry.

Tomorrow: (SPOILERS)

The contestants adjust to their newly formed teams and take a quiz about aging and health; after a grueling workout, another contestant is eliminated.

And next week: (again, SPOILERS)

Chef Rocco DiSpirito takes contestants to a restaurant, where they learn to make healthier choices when dining out; contestants compete in a lively cook-off, preparing healthier versions of their favorite meals.

And the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The team that wins a 24-hour fitness relay is promised 24 hours of luxury, but some contestants are unable to resist temptation; one contestant has it out with the trainer; one contestant is eliminated.

Finally, FYI, the new teams - people marked with an asterisk are those who have switched trainers. Teams marked with a plus sign are those who have been split up from their original partner. Teams marked with a number sign are those whose original partner is no longer in the house.

BLACK (Jillian)
Helen*#
Filipe*
Laura
Mike*+
Sione*
Tara

BLUE (Bob)
Aubrey*
Cathy
Dane*#
Kristin
Mandi*
Ron+

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/17

In this week's show, we see that Tara has more issues than the archives department of Chatelaine. :)

So most of the house is forced to work outside the gym this week. Drama. So Bob discovers that his team went against his wishes and kicked Blaine out of the house instead of Dane. Drama. (Although not as much as I thought there was going to be, admittedly. Notice how Ron got to be the one who told Bob about what happened? Good move there on the part of the team - Bob probably would have gone kinda ballistic on anybody else.) Laura is feeling pressure and inadequacy. Drama. Tara misses Blaine and can't concentrate. Drama.

Notice a theme?

Most infuriating part of the episode, though? Shanon's homemade "MEMBER'S ONLY" sign. And this after she actually had to ask her mother how to spell "members".

GAH!!!

Shanon, it is bad enough that your voice and intonation constantly enter the Whine Zone, now this. Where are my fellow grammar nitpickers to back me up here?

I am, however, really really glad that they started profiling Ron's alternative workout techniques and showing people actually using the goddamn pool for a change. Thank HEAVENS. I know that they DO use the pool at the ranch a whole lot, because I've read interviews with contestants who say that the pool gets used all the time; it's just that we never SEE it, which is very annoying since "aquacise", whether you're swimming or whatever, is such an awesome method of getting fit. It's also been extremely annoying watching Ron have this injury all these weeks and not be told what exercises they're having him to do to get around it - this would be extraordinarily valuable information for a significant portion of the viewing audience at home, no? So I'm really happy they finally covered it a bit this week. All the different stuff you can do "sans gym" was also informative. Keep that up, please.

And then we slip into The Tara Show. Honestly, as pathetic as it was, I didn't get annoyed at her, because finally we're starting to see the kinds of issues she has which got her to almost 300 pounds. She is a control freak. She wants to control everyone and everything, and she hasn't accepted yet that she can't. Laura being a weaker teammate freaks her out. Black going below the yellow line and Blaine going home freaks her out. Not having the gym freaks her out. Add to that the tremendous pressure she's been putting on herself since day one, and how hard she's been pushing herself (thanks ever so for more shots of her throwing up, by the way, that's exactly what I needed to see), and of COURSE she hit a wall. (Normal people would have hit it WEEKS before she did, I think.) What did surprise me (because Jillian's usually so good at getting to the heart of people's issues) was that her trainer didn't seem to dig deeper into what was going on and start forcing Tara to deal with her control issues. It would have been really helpful if Jillian had, I think.

The real criticism I have is, what is up with Tara being THAT attached to Blaine? She went to pieces in the elimination room last week and you could kind of see this wary fear enter Blaine's eyes, like, "OMG with the inappropriate, my WIFE is going to be watching this..." before he said (very platonically, I thought), some kind of "You're a very special person too, Tara" platitude. I don't think that there's actually anything going on between Tara and Blaine, but I think maybe Tara wants there to be? Yeesh.

The mud sequence was hilarious. It's so good to see that there's a basic high level of genuine camaraderie in the house which crosses teams. That was awesome. Also, the interviewing and profiling we saw of Kristin really let us see how far she's come. I mean, she's still really big, but by comparison to how she was at the beginning of the show, the transformation is really noticeable. Way to go, Kristin.

And then - weigh-in time!

(Just as a quick aside...I think it's so ridiculous the way the women totally doll themselves up for the weigh-in, season after season...they've got the PERFECT hair, the GORGEOUS makeup, and...spandex. Yeah. That's a look.)

Anyhoo, we had a lot of redeeming successes this week, which was great: Aubrey, Kristin (although, duh, since I'm sure she waterloaded last week), Laura (one of the top 2 losers of the week AGAIN; y'know, they have just got to stop painting her as this pathetic cancer on Tara's ass, because although she doesn't have Tara's drive or capabilities, she's still taken them to second place in challenges for the last two weeks, and she can be an enormous threat at weigh-ins), and Ron (phew!). Dane had a bad week, but I'm sure he would have waterloaded at least a little bit with immunity. Sione and Filipe had a bit of an off-week (for them), but not enough to bring them close to the yellow line. Helen, meanwhile, is a machine, cranking out these 5- and 6-pound weight losses every week (which, at her weight, is really good), with 8- and 9- pound losses showing up as well. Sadly, her partner didn't back her up this week, loss-wise, and they fell below the yellow line.

(And am I the only one who wishes they'd bring back the concept of giving some kind of prize to the biggest loser of the week? I miss that.)

Then things got weird. Pink bucked the parent-sacrificing-for-child theme that's been running throughout this entire season by asking to send Shanon home. And it was pretty clear that this decision sat sort of "iffily" on Shanon's shoulders. Once Pink went back to their room, they started having second thoughts, and everyone else in the house expressed doubt that sending Shanon home was the right decision. Gameplay-wise, it's hard to say exactly what would have been the better move for each team - is Shanon the bigger threat because she has more to lose, or is Helen the bigger threat because, well, she always does really well? It's a tough call. So instead, I think everyone abandoned all thoughts of gameplay and just accepted Pink's wishes. In one way, this was nice, because it's respectful and builds goodwill, but on the other hand, it wasn't so great, because it was probably the better decision to give Shanon more time on the ranch, as Kristen and Ron pointed out during the discussion.

Fortunately, Shanon's done a really good job at home - she's got a 16.8% at-home weight loss percentage, which is an extremely close second (Jerry's was 16.9%) of all the eliminated contestants we've seen so far (that we've been given concrete weight numbers for, anyway). She's got some waist definition going on and is under 200 pounds! Yay!

(My husband was shocked to hear that Roller Derby still existed.)

Back on the ranch, though, the person I'm really concerned about is Cathy. She's lost 30 pounds over 7 weeks for a total weight-loss percentage of 10.24%. By comparison, the average total weight-loss percentage of everyone else is 19.11%. (Tara is currently the leader at an unbelievable 24.49% loss - after week SEVEN! - awesome.) I don't know exactly what's happening with her, especially since she doesn't have injuries like Ron (that we know of) which could hold her back...but she's just not dropping the weight. Once things go to individuals, she could be in serious trouble. :(

On the plus side, there are some excellent results to report from this week:

• Kristen and Sione both fell below 300 pounds
• Mike, Sione, Helen, Mandi and Filipe all passed the 20% total weight-loss mark (Tara and Dane passed it last week)
• Dane is now merely "clinically obese" (he started the show at "super obese")
• Shanon is now merely "clinically obese" (she started the show at "morbidly obese")

Some potential milestones to watch for next week:

• Helen could fall below 200 pounds (she's now 205)
• Mike could fall below 300 pounds (he's now 307)
• Ron could fall below 350 pounds (he's now 354)
• Aubrey and Laura could move from "clinically obese" to "obese" (their BMIs are currently 35.9 and 35.6, respectively)
• If she loses anything, Cathy will move from "morbidly obese" to "clinically obese" (her BMI is currently 40)
• Filipe and Sione could move from "morbidly obese" to "clinically obese" (their BMIs are currently 40.6 and 40.1, respectively)
• Mandi could move from "obese" to "overweight" (her BMI is currently 31)
• If Tara loses just two pounds, she will have lost over a quarter of her bodyweight since the beginning of the show

But enough of the speculation - here's what we know will happen next week: (SPOILERS)

The teams are re-organized, leaving many contestants without their original trainers; each team tries to bike as many miles as they can in a 24-hour period

According to this link, there's a Biggest Loser article in Entertainment Weekly (the one with Lost on the cover) which shows behind-the-scenes stuff, including what looks like Dane wearing a BLUE shirt (I guess Bob's about to get a loss less pissy that the house didn't vote out Dane last week!). So things are about to get verrry interesting!

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/10

I've been concerned since the beginning about the dynamic of Mandi's marriage. Even on the phone in week 2, Rusty didn't sound tremendously loving and supportive. It was nice to see how happy he was to see her, but I'm really not convinced that he's on-side. Jillian made an excellent point about this "silent agreement" that's in some relationships, and that could certainly be what's happening here. Mandi's doing SO well in the house; she's now in fourth place with total weight loss percentage, and you can SEE the differences in her body every time she gets up on the scale for the weigh-in. But I just don't know how she's going to do once she gets home. I really think she needs to stay in the house for a good long time just to get her into the right headspace. Oh, and this part is a little mean but I did do a wee bit of snorting when I heard they'd named their kids "Dawson" and "Remington". Just smacks a little bit too much of "trying to get fancy" with the names (and increasing the chances that they'll get beat up on at school, I might add).

I loved how focused Purple was at that challenge, both of them. I felt bad that after all that pain, Green didn't get it, but Purple so really deserved it.

Of COURSE Mike cried in the last chance workout, Bob, you were putting diamond-creating pressure on him all week! "Do it right or you'll leave this house and your dad will DIE." Geez! And can we stop calling him "Mikey" please, it's driving me nuts! Is he a kid or "becoming a man in this house"? Make a choice, Bob!

(Speaking of the brown team, I was appalled to hear that brother Max is 16. I thought from the photo shot that we saw in an earlier week that he was OLDER than Mike. 16 and that overweight - MAN, that family needs help.)

Bob is going to LOSE it on his team when he finds out that almost everybody voted for Blaine instead of Dane. But I understand why they all did it - it's really hard to ignore the emotional punch of a guy having a new baby at home. But is it just me, or are these at-home contestants not losing very much after they get home? Seriously, look at it - we've got about a three- or four-month time lag between the going home and the airing of the episode. That's a really long time, and yet this is what people have been losing in that time:

• Blaine: 20lbs (6.7% from leaving the ranch)
• Carla: 47lbs (13.9% from leaving the ranch)
• Damien: 43lbs (12.3% from leaving the ranch)
• Daniel: 41lbs (10.4% from leaving the ranch)
• Jerry: 58lbs (16.9% from leaving the ranch)
• Joelle: 26lbs (9.4% from leaving the ranch)

I'm pretty sure I remember in previous seasons that there were much more profound changes taking place between going home and the "after" profile (with the exception of Jerry, who did really well). Am I nuts?

Some other thoughts...

• It suddenly occurred to me this week that Dane is going to be drop-dead GORGEOUS when he loses that weight. Those lips are killer.
• I was really nervous for the yellow team's chances at the weigh-in until I saw Mandi's midriff. Holy CRAP, her results are so visible!
• I'm not exactly sure what happened with Kristin this week. I think her excitement at the prospect of breaking 300 was genuine, as was her disappointment at gaining. So...did she really waterload? It wouldn't make much sense if neither of them didn't try to waterload just a little bit, with immunity this week. But if Kristin didn't waterload, how could she possibly have gained? I'm totally confused.
• Yellow seriously needs to grow a pair and grab some mental toughness.
• The expression on Helen's face when Shannon knocked her off her brick was HILARIOUS. Oh, but she was seriously pissed off. I felt bad for her, but at the same time I couldn't help laughing at the "oh, child, you are SO dead, I'm gonna smack you." face. :)
• Tara is now top of the weight loss percentage list, at 22.11%. Also, with this week's weight loss, she's now merely "obese", as opposed to "clinically obese", where she was last week, or "morbidly obese", which is where she started. She's dropped almost 10 points off her BMI. Wow!
• I'm so happy for Filipe at getting under 300! I loved his expression when he realised that. I was glad that Blaine did the same thing, but it was bittersweet because it wasn't by much.
• I was watching the difference between Helen's face in the pre-elimination debate vs. Helen's face in interviews, and I have to say that I think she looks scads better without makeup.
• Seeing the pre-elimination debate was really sad. Jillian's team did a LOT of damage to what was some really excellent harmony in the house with that surprise Damien/Joelle voting move. Kristin, for example, has totally lost trust. And I didn't appreciate Tara whining about how Jillian's team has always been at a disadvantage. Numbers-wise, sure, but in terms of player strength, the advantage is with Jillian's team. Plus, it's Jillian - she always manages to pull it out somehow.

That's all I got! A decent show, nothing spectacular. Hopefully we'll up the genuine shmaltz factor next week: (SPOILER)

Contestants learn to work out creatively, without the use of the gym; the teams compete in a rowing machine challenge.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/03

This week, we get right back on the Joelle Train! All aboard the Pathetic Drama Express! Our stops today will be Lazyville; Relax-your-partner's-back-and-you-can-lean-on-her-to-do-all-the-work Junction; the corner of Lying-outright-about-your-effort and Refusing-to-take-any-responsibility-at-all; and, of course, our very last stop, Bullshitopolis. Once we reach our final stop, this train will be out of service. Do not attempt to board the train, it will not be returning to the ranch.

AUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! I mean, seriously! What the bleep is WRONG with Joelle?!? I mean, yes, we still saw less credit being given to her than she deserved - I am sick and tired of the implications that Carla somehow was this miracle weight-loser and effort-giver in Week 1 when she did even worse than Joelle; and I don't think it's fair that nobody mentioned Joelle's commitment and subsequent weight loss last week. But shit, woman! Get your head out of your ass! You had two choices the week after your big success in Week 4:

1. "Wow! That success felt great! I think I'll keep up the work so I can get that feeling again!"
   
   OR
   
   
2. "Oh, thank heaven's that's over. Carla's back. Now I can sit on my ass again and let her do all the work for both of us."

And hey, guess what happened.

I think Tara summed it up best: Joelle was given every chance time and again, and we're all sick to death of it. (Did you see everybody's faces when Joelle started trying to blow it up their skirts right before elimination? NOBODY. WAS. BUYING. IT. Honey, at some point you have to ask yourself which is more likely: that EVERYONE else in the house is misunderstanding you, you poor thing; or that maybe, just MAYBE, the problem is with, oh, I don't know...YOU?!?) It sucks that Carla got screwed in the process of giving Joelle what she deserved, but hey. I was never a Carla fan anyway, I think she just exacerbated Joelle's issues.

Back at home, we see that Joelle has not changed at all, and her 57-pound total weight loss, while signficantly better than nothing, indicates that she's still not committed. That's only 26 additional pounds lost in the "several months" since leaving the ranch (according to the words on the screen during "how they're doing now" part of the show). And in her meeting with Carla, we see that she STILL refuses to take responsibility for what she did (or, more accurately, DIDN'T do) while on the ranch. Carla, at last, gave her some good communication ("That made me feel like you didn't care about me,") and still...nuthin'.

Frankly, I'm glad to see the back of both of them. All in all, I think the mood in the house will be SCADS better after this.

Also, I'm hoping like hell that Mike and Ron can get it back on track. Poor Ron. His body just can't put in the effort that the rest of them can. And he needs to be there SOOOO badly. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they can really pull it out next week. I'm also hoping that Cathy can have a good week next show, because right now, at 8.53%, she's sitting at the lowest total weight loss percentage of everybody in the house - and that's even if you compare her to Carla and Joelle after the Week 5 weigh-in.

And speaking of total weight loss, we've got some very impressive results after the Week 5 weigh-in, which incidentally, the women kicked ASS on! (Top 6 weight loss percentages for the week were achieved by women.) Leading the pack of total weight loss for the third week in the row, we have Dane at 18.93%. In second place we have Tara at 18.37%; in third place there's Blaine with 16.99%; in fourth place there's Kristin with 16.39%; and in fifth there's Mandi at 15.97%. Aren't those numbers awesome?

Other good news:

• Blaine has gone from being morbidly obese at the beginning of the season (BMI 40.1) to being merely obese (BMI 33.3).
• Helen has gone from being morbidly obese at the beginning of the season (BMI 41.5) to being merely obese (BMI 34.9).
• Kristin has dropped almost TEN points off her BMI since she started, moving from 58.1 (ouch) to 48.6, and is now no longer super-obese.

There are other good BMI successes too, but those are the highlights.

The only other thing I have to say about this episode is that I didn't appreciate Jillian whining about how she's the underdog with her three teams against five thing. Let's remember that Jillian is UNDEFEATED through all 6 completed seasons of this show while poor Bob has been left winnerless every single time. He's got a good bunch of people this season, and Jillian's team was the first to start the unscrupulous game-playing this time around, so I think this might just be Bob's turn to win, and Jillian should stop complaining. Especially since, in my opinion, she has three of the four strongest teams in the house (the fourth being Blue). Of course, if I were her, I'd want to win every single season too, but at some point it's just GOT to be Bob's time.

Oh, and also, the product placements are just getting more and more painful. (Kids love Cheerios! Adults love Cheerios! Cheerios are healthy! What's not to like!) Anybody else find it odd that they were shilling HONEY NUT CHEERIOS as a healthy cereal? Hello? With its sugar content? Holy crap, DH and I could not believe it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts about this week's show. Next week: (SPOILER ALERT)

"The winner of a balancing challenge wins a 24-hour visit from someone back home; one player is sent home following a grueling test of endurance."

I'm intrigued. And I hope like hell it isn't Ron sent home because his body poops out on him. :(