Duelling ranches

We are reminded that last week, we lost Ana. Irene weeps in her room and vows to redouble her efforts.

Bonus video: The mood is glum in the house right after the first elimination. The on-ranchers are discussing how badly it sucked. Arthur reiterates that Jesse struggled with his diet last week, but promises that this week it'll be on point. (Holy cow, man, your dad is an independent entity, you can't control him like that.) Back in the kitchen, everybody promises not to think about the off-ranchers and to just focus on doing their best.

The next day, Ali shows up and takes the on-ranchers to the video room. She tells them that last week, the off-ranchers lost more pounds with only five teams than the on-ranchers did with six. Which means the on-ranchers were not simply beaten, Ali points out, they were CRUSHED. (Way to make everybody feel great about themselves, Ali.) Our perky host then ups the ante by saying that if the on-ranchers can beat the percentage of the off-ranchers at this week's weigh-in, they'll all get immunity. Quite the prize! Oh, also, the winning group will win ten thousand dollars. (Later we find out that we're not talking ten grand apiece, but rather ten grand to be split among the team. But still.)

Of course, news of this challenge must also be conveyed to the off-ranchers, who are still working with anonymous trainers cast in shadow. They're all pretty happy to learn via Ali-cam that they kicked all kinds of ass last week. News of the ten thousand dollar prize elicits general promising to beat the on-ranchers.

Meanwhile, the on-ranchers are getting a video montage of the beatings that the off-ranchers got last week. Must've been an impressive montage, because there's general stunnedness in the video room as a reaction. Then Jesse talks some smack to the off-ranchers, and Bob starts talking about how "we gotta lotta work to do". Yep, beatings time.

As Bob tortures part of the on-ranch group, the other part is outside with Jillian, boxing. Jill wastes no time, and starts right in with Jay telling him that he's uber-codependent, which, like a good little yes-man, he agrees with right away. Irene gets some good, mean-looking tunnel vision going. Jillian asks Jen when the last time she really reached for something was. Um...turns out this show is the only thing, responds Jen tearfully. Hannah talks about how Jillian with boxing gloves is scary, but she seems to hold her own nonetheless.

Back in the gym, Dan says that he thinks about his wife and daughter constantly when going through the pain of working out, and this is what gets him through. We then work on Marci's psyche for a while, which is apparently flooded with guilt. She works in the fitness industry yet has a balloon daughter. Courtney is bugged that this bugs her mom, because Courtney accepts full responsibility for what she did her own self. (Go, Courtney.)

Bonus video: The Marci angst is expanded as Bob takes Aqua outside for a heart-to-heart about her guilt. Bob and Courtney encourage her to stop worrying about Courtney, because the light is on. Like, way on. Bob emphasizes that Marci raised a good daughter and that she's not a hypocrite, she's a good mom. Basically it's a feel-good session for Marci. Courtney is so happy that she and her mom decided to stay with Bob and Jillian on the ranch.

Back in the gym, Bob swings the focus over to Arthur. He tells Arthur he needs to start moving like his age (34), and tells Arthur he's got big dreams for him. Right now, Arthur says he's fighting demons in his head. He talks about the angst of not living up to his potential. He got in with the wrong crowd when he was young, not going to class, so he lost all his dreams. Bob tries to go deeper but Arthur wants to walk away. Bob refuses to let him. He promises to be there when Arthur turns corner after corner. Then he takes Arthur for a 30-second jog at 5.0. Gawd, that's gotta be close to impossible for someone his size! But as we go to commercial, we hear a Bob whoop, so it must go okay, right?...

...Arthur pictures his children and gets going. He freakin' does it! Turnin' the corner! Jesse's pretty tickled.

And back off the ranch we go for a different set of beatings. According to Rulon, this is just like being back in the Olympics! (Oh, that boy is on a good workout high right now.) Q says there's no way they're getting beaten this week. Deni tells us that her dad used to tease her with the name "Dumb Deni" because she didn't get as good marks as her brother. So that's whom she beats up on during her boxing sessions. Wow Deni's dad, you sucked.

Bonus video: But wait, there's more of Deni's father's suckage yet to come. For some reason, there is a merry-go-round on the Fitness Ridge location, which Pink is having a stroll by. This makes Deni tear up, and she tells Sarah "the carousel story". When Deni was small, they'd have birthday parties at a local carousel. When they did this for her sister's fifth birthday, it was at a time when Deni and her brother had been gaining a lot of weight recently, and their parents were fighting a lot, so things were tough. Anyway, everybody got on the merry-go-round, but her brother's horse actually stopped going up and down, presumably because he was so heavy. Naturally, this was very humiliating for him, but what made it worse was that their dad teased him mercilessly about it when he got off the ride. We hear again about how his teasing for Deni involved calling her dumb. (Huh. Looks like we know who gets this season's Parents Who Suck label. Deni, please accept the torch from Ada and ride on.) Deni hopes that telling Sarah stories about her childhood will show where her own lack of confidence come from, and inspire Sarah to belive in herself. Sarah's just glad her mom is getting this all out, as hard as it is to hear. She's really happy about all the internal changes that are happening for them.

Back on the ranch (feel like a see-saw yet?), Jillian tells Jen that being on the ranch is a nightmare - not just because Jillian is here (zing!) but because it makes you face all your shit. Especially when Jillian feels like playing psychotherapist, as she obviously does right now. So...what's going on, Jen? Well, Jen feels the burden of wanting to help her dad lose the weight, but she's sick of that burden. So what happens, asks Jillian, if Jay stays fat and Jen doesn't? Well, Jen will feel awful. And that, Jillian ahas, is why Jen never loses weight. So she brings Jay out and makes Jen beat up on him for a while with the boxing gloves. Eventually Jen breaks down crying. So we have a communication moment. There are many tears and they vow to do this as indiviudals. Tadah - breakthrough! Thank you, Dr. Jill!

The on-ranchers decide to spend some extra time at the gym at night, but as they get in there, they find a challenging note from the off-ranchers, accompanied by gooey donuts. Dan and Don, cops who have probably heard every donut joke in the book, feel this is immensely unoriginal and pooh-pooh the off-ranchers' efforts. But donuts are Arthur's fave thing evah, so it's a big temptation. He takes them outside and they all stomp on the box. Later, Arthur grabs the squished boxes and thinks aloud about eating a flattened donut. He says he had the angel and devil on his shoulders at that moment, but he ended up putting it all in the dumpster. He thinks that the fact he was tempted shows that he still needs to be here. He considers this a victory.

But the on-ranchers aren't the only ones putting in extra time. Man, there are a lot of montages of workouts this episode. Can we please see something else?

Oh, fantastic. The "something else" is the traditional doom-and-gloom talk with Dr. H. Predictably, the news is bad. Even champs like Courtney and Arthur, who lost over a hundred pounds apiece before even coming on the show, are not immune. Courtney's inner age is 40. Arthur has the most excess hydrated fat of anyone on the show ever, and has an inner age of 60. To compound the guilt, Dr. H. brings in Jesse's daughter (Arthur's sister), who has Jesse's 10th grandchild with her. (So cute!) She says that the whole family is rooting for Arthur, who in turn says he's representing hard for loads of people. Jesse's daughter then challenges Jesse to do better than the best he can. Jesse interprets this as challenging him to lead the family like he always has, and commits.

Other people then get the Dr. H. treatment. Olivia hears that her size is actually hampering her career, because she can't sustain long notes with all the fat in her system. The twins get the cop angle. What if, asks Dr. H, he was to tell Don that he knew someone was planning to kill Dan. He even knew what the murder weapon would be! Well, weapons, actually: sugar, chocolate and corn chips. To hammer this message home even further. Dr. H. puts Dan's wife and daughter on the phone. (Dammit, I thought it would be Don's estranged son.) Dan has never been away from his daughter more than a few days in her entire life, so this phonecall means a lot. Dan tearfully promises to "do this".

Of course, we can't go too long without some smack talk, so we get another surprise video from the off-ranchers. Marci doesn't want to give them the time of day. The on-ranchers agree to take the higher road and just work hard instead of bothering to respond. DH likes her.

Bonus video: Arthur and Jesse hang out in their bedrooms. Arthur apparently has some serious problems with his bloodwork. Looks like he's going into the final stages of renal failure. (Oh, crap.) He's been told to drink scads of water and sodium, which obviously isn't going to help him at weigh-ins. But Jesse says, that's how things go, and you gotta do what you gotta do. They're here for their health. Nice keeping of the perspective, Jesse. They hug it out, as Jesse says "Your daddy loves you, baby." Awwww!

Beach! Vereen Stadium in Long Beach, to be precise. For today's challenge, the on-ranchers will be competing against the off-ranchers. The task is to get everyone from the beach across the canal using rafts to build a bridge. Every person has to get to the other side to win. Just a few hours ago, the off-ranchers did the challenge in the exact same spot just a little while ago. We see them hauling ass, Rulon and Justin being the alpha males, and the whole team completing it in 38 minutes and 23 seconds. The prize, by the way, is a 3lb advantage for the winning team at the weigh-in.

And right off...oh gawd, the on-ranchers are a committee. There isn't an alpha in the bunch. They're gonna take forever...

...Aaaaand...they do. It takes them longer to get to the halfway point then the off-ranchers did to complete the whole challenge. Sad.

At Fitness Ridge, Moses shadowboxes while sitting on his bed. (DH: He's a force.) He's doing this because he has bursitis in his knee, so he's limited in the kind of movement he can do. (That blows.) He finds that shadowboxing with his family's picture in front of him is very effective. He sure is working up a sweat with it, I'll tell you that. Kayanee drifts in while he's doing this and looks pretty proud. She even tears up and tells him how proud of him she is and that he's a great example for her. Oh, so sweet. They seem like a really loving family. Moses admits he's ashamed of getting so heavy. He's a total family man. I love him already. :)

Bob arrives on the ranch for the last chance workout, to cheers. Jillian is sick, so he's by himself. (DH wonders what could be wrong with her. I speculate that she probably just has a cold. DH counters, saying it must be flu - a mere cold wouldn't take Jillian out! :) The on-ranchers make Bob feel ill by telling him how badly they did in the challenge. He thinks 3lbs is a lot, but he knows they're not going to let it mess them up. Another plus that I'd like to point out: the on-ranchers have Courtney, who, unlike the rest of them, is NOT on her "dreaded week two".

Today's goal: sweat. Jay reflects that Bob is like a conductor in the gym, with eleven people on four or five different machines. It's like an orchestra. (I wonder if Olivia, who actually knows a little something about orchestras, would agree?)

The off-ranchers are working out, too. Austin says that the female trainer asked him to look in the mirror and focus on what makes him who he is. He realisd he doesn't make sense to me anymore. He doesn't know himself, he has no idea who he is. He's starting to realise this is more than just a weight loss journey, and he's still defining it. Go, Austin.

Finally, we get past the six gazillion workout montages and get to the damn weigh-in. And...glory be! We are shown (albeit very quickly, but I taped it for later replay) the numbers of every single person at Fitness Ridge, which of course gives me all the numbers I was missing from last week, too. Hallelujah, my spreadsheet is complete! The world is bright again!

This means I can give a complete list of milestones from last week:

• Arthur dropped below 500lbs
• Rulon dropped below 450lbs
• Jay and Moses dropped below 400lbs
• Justin dropped below 350lbs
• Don and Larialmy dropped below 300lbs
• Dan and Jen dropped below 275lbs
• Ana, Sarah, Olivia, Irene and Deni dropped below 250lbs
• Kaylee and Marci dropped below 225lbs
• Arthur, Jay, Justin, Moses, Rulon and Austin hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Deni, Kaylee, Marci, Sarah and Jen went from morbidly obese to clinically obese

There are a lot of successes on the scale. Irene, for example, kicks all kinds of ass. Some people do well but don't appreciate it, like Hannah and Olivia, who lose six pounds each - very good work, I think! Given that it's week two and they're the smallest people in the house, 2.45% and 2.59% is pretty damn impressive.

One thing to note is that Q is, well, kind of sucking with the weight loss. He was the smallest loser off-ranch last week, he's the smallest loser overall this week, and his total loss at this point is only 3.89%. Ouch. Compare that with his nearest competitor, Jesse, who's at a total of 5.12%, especially taking into consideration how big Q is, and you have something weird going on here.

Bonus video: Flash back to earlier in the week, and we see the off-ranchers having lunch outside on picnic tables. They speculate about what's going on with the on-ranchers and talk generally about kicking ass and making sure someone on the ranch goes home this week. (Nice.) But the real focus of this clip is that Q's food choices are not measuring up. Justin and Rulon complain about him in an interview, saying that he chose a chicken sausage with lots of sodium for lunch. We get a lot of cut-in shots where Rulon talks about everyone pulling together...and Q takes a bite of sausage...and Rulon says that everyone needs to do their part...and Q eats some more sausage...and Rulon says...well, I think you get the point. Personally, I gotta wonder, if the chicken sausage is so awful, WHY IS IT EVEN AVAILABLE TO THE CONTESTANTS AT FITNESS RIDGE? Anyway, the strong implication is that Q is not being good with his diet, and also that Rulon and Justin are going to be seriously pissed off at him...

...because the off-ranchers lose the weigh-in! After a lot of really, REALLY annoying overly-cocky talk from Arthur, I might add. (Arthur. Calm down.)

Milestones this week:

• Courtney dropped below 300lbs
• Courtney, Jen and Don hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Moses hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Jen, Moses, Rulon and Justin hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Courtney and Moses moved from super-obese to morbidly obese
• Hannah moved from clinically obese to obese

So, no elimination this week! Yay! There is much rejoicing.

Standings

Revised and complete Week 1

#	loss %	lbs lost	BMI
1	Moses (9.32)	Moses (41)	Hannah (35.3)
2	Deni (7.42)	Rulon (32)	Olivia (36.2)
3	Justin (7.40)	Arthur (31)	Deni (37.1)
4	Jennifer (7.19)	Austin, Justin (27)	Jennifer (38.1)
5	Austin (6.82)		Marci (38.4)
6	Don (6.80)	Jay (26)	Sarah (38.7)
7	Rulon (6.75)	Don (21)	Kaylee (39.9)
8	Dan (6.62)	Jennifer (20)	Dan (40.7)
9	Jay (6.50)	Dan, Deni (19)	Justin (42.2)
10	Hannah (6.45)		Larialmy (42.7)
11	Kaylee (6.44)	Hannah, Olivia (16)	Irene (42.9)
12	Olivia (6.13)		Jesse (43.5)
13	Arthur (6.11)	Courtney, Kaylee (15)	Ana (43.6)
14	Marci (5.88)		Don (43.8)
15	Sarah (5.36)	Marci, Sarah (14)	Ken (46.7)
16	Irene (5.10)		Courtney, Moses (51.2)
17	Courtney (4.64)	Irene, Ken (13)
18	Larialmy (3.99)		Austin (51.5)
19	Ana (3.53)	Larialmy (12)	Jay (52.2)
20	Ken (3.45)	Q (11)	Rulon (56.7)
21	Q (2.52)	Ana (9)	Q (57.8)
22	Jesse (2.39)	Jesse (7)	Arthur (70.3)

Week 2

#	loss %	total loss %	lbs lost	total lbs lost	BMI
1	Irene (4.13)	Moses (12.05)	Rulon (17)	Moses (53)	Hannah (34.4)
2	Rulon (3.85)	Justin (10.68)	Arthur (13)	Rulon (49)	Olivia (35.3)
3	Justin (3.55)	Rulon (10.34)	Justin, Moses (12)	Arthur (44)	Deni (36.5)
4	Courtney (3.25)	Jennifer (10.07)		Justin (39)	Jennifer (36.9)
5	Jennifer (3.10)	Don (9.39)	Courtney, Irene, Jay (10)	Jay (36)	Marci (37.4)
6	Moses (3.01)	Irene (9.02)		Austin (34)	Sarah (38.1)
7	Jesse (2.80)	Jay (9.00)		Don (29)	Kaylee (39.1)
8	Don (2.78)	Deni (8.98)	Don, Jennifer, Jesse (8)	Jennifer (28)	Dan (40.0)
9	Arthur (2.73)	Hannah (8.87)		Courtney (25)	Justin (40.7)
10	Marci (2.68)	Arthur (8.68)		Dan (24)	Irene (41.1)
11	Jay (2.67)	Austin (8.59)	Austin, Ken (7)	Deni, Irene (23)	Larialmy (41.8)
12	Hannah (2.59)	Olivia (8.43)			Jesse (42.3)
13	Olivia (2.45)	Marci (8.40)	Hannah, Larialmy, Marci, Olivia, Q (6)	Hannah, Olivia (22)	Don (42.6)
14	Larialmy (2.08)	Dan (8.36)			Ken (45.8)
15	Ken (1.92)	Kaylee (8.15)		Ken, Marci (20)	Courtney (49.6)
16	Austin (1.90)	Courtney (7.74)			Moses (49.7)
17	Dan (1.87)	Sarah (6.90)		Kaylee (19)	Austin (50.5)
18	Kaylee (1.83)	Larialmy (5.98)	Dan (5)	Larialmy, Sarah (18)	Jay (50.8)
19	Deni (1.69)	Ken (5.31)	Deni, Kaylee, Sarah (4)		Rulon (54.6)
20	Sarah (1.62)	Jesse (5.12)		Q (17)	Q (57.0)
21	Q (1.41)	Q (3.89)		Jesse (15)	Arthur (68.4)

Next week: (SPOILERS)

Potential milestones:

• Arthur could drop below 450lbs
• Ken could drop below 350lbs
• Jesse and Don could drop below 275lbs
• Jen could drop below 250lbs
• Irene and Hannah could drop below 225lbs
• Olivia, Marci, Larialmy, Ken, Kaylee, Irene, Hannah, Deni and Dan could hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Rulon, Justin and Arthur could hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Olivia, Marci, Kaylee, Jay, Irene, Hannah, Don, Deni, Dan, Courtney, Austin and Arthur could hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Moses could hit the 15% mark of total loss
• Jay and Austin could move from super-obese to morbidly obese
• Justin, Irene and Dan could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese
• Olivia could move from clinically obese to obese

From TV Guide: The identities of the unknown trainers are revealed. Elsewhere, the players compete for a healthy meal prepared by Curtis Stone and a two-pound advantage at the weigh-in; Dr. Huizenga provides more health assessments; Bob and Jillian look for the roots of players' weight struggles; the winner of a water-carrying challenge receives the sole vote during elimination; and a team's weigh-in results surprise the trainers.

From Jam!: The unknown trainers are revealed and share their personal stories; two contestants compete for a two-pound advantage at the weigh-in; a water-carrying challenge.

Freaking the newbies

To start off the first show of the new season, we see one of the preview clips that's been up on the Biggest Loser site for a while. This introduces us to some of the contestants, such as Arthur, the most overweight contestant in the history of the show. Bob explains that, at 507lbs, he's certainly not the heaviest person they've ever had (that was Michael Ventrella, at 526lbs), but because Arthur is only 5'8" (Wikipedia says 5'9", but we're still talking several inches shorter than Michael), his BMI is higher. (74.9, to be precise, which is even more than Shay Sorrels from three seasons ago.) We also meet Courtney, who lost 105lbs even before coming on the show; and Rulon, a former Olympic gold medallist (Greco-Roman wrestling). We get a few clips of the contestants struggling and succeeding, including a glimpse of some kind of water-hauling challenge where Blue, Aqua, Irene, Green, Black and Purple are participating and Purple appears to have just won; and a celebrating Black team, which, as far as I can make out, contains Hannah, Olivia, Irene, Deni, Courtney, Arthur, Jesse, and at least one other person (looks female), so at least we know those guys will make it to the Blue vs. Black leg of the season. We also hear that we will have two unknown trainers this year, and the contestants will have to decide between them and Bob and Jillian.

But enough of the previews, let's get down to business.

Bonus video: In Los Angeles, California, Ali walks into a room full of potential contestants. This is the moment when they discover whether they made the show or not. Naturally, Ali has to psych them out and make them think that they didn't make it...before dropping the good news. At which point of course, they all freak the heck out. There are hugs and interviews with really happy people. Jesse, completely hyped up, vows that this will be a season never to be forgotten.

The Blue team will be father and son Jesse and Arthur. The Orange team will be mother and daughter Ana and Irene, who are very excited. The Purple team is sisters Olivia and Hannah, who frankly come across throughout this entire episode as really fun and funny people. I'm biased towards them already. :) Olivia is an opera singer who has been confined to minor character roles because of her weight. The Grey team is father and daughter Moses and Kaylee. They continue the proud Biggest Loser tradition of having Tongans on the show. The Black team are identical twins Dan and Don. They are both cops, both leading a sedentary lifestyle, and both very overweight. But they are very optimistic, and tell us that there is no aspect of their lives that will not be improved by being on the show.

There are, of course, more teams, but we don't hear much about them just yet, because it's time for Ali to welcome everyone to the gym. They're all stoked. It's a nostalgic and awe-inspiring moment. But there's some realism as well - Olivia hilariously tells us, "Oh my gosh, I am going to PUKE in this place!" Rulon reminisces about the pain and suffering endured by past contestants and looks forward to this being his moment to turn things around. Ali hits the message home that the contestants will be fighting for their lives here. She brings in Bob and Jillian, to great cheers. There are many hugs as Bob and Jillian go down the line, and Bob even recognizes Courtney from having met her previously when she was 105lbs heavier. He thinks she looks great. He and Jillian lap up the welcome and the love. Bob tells us that the first part of the season is just so happy...but it won't last long because the first workout is coming up.

Not, however, until everybody gets weighed in. Olivia looks utterly unthrilled. We hear lots of interviews about how nervous-making this moment is. Ken isn't even sure if he can actually go up there.

But first - a commercial break. And hey...a realistic-sized woman appearing in a TV ad which focuses on her body! Wow! I am impressed! Also impressive is the fact that the commercial break was really short. (That can't last.)

Ken interviews that obesity is rampant in his family. We get clips from his and Austin's audition tape, where they're trying to fit into auditorium/theatre seats. Needless to say, they are extremely squished. They giggle about this, but it isn't really funny, and you can tell that they know it. As he discovers his starting weight, Austin reflects that for years, he's tried to shift the blame for his weight on a family environment that ate and unhealthily and didn't play sports. However, he insightfully notes, he now knows that you can't shift all the blame when you get as high as 396lbs. Bob tells us that Ken and Austin's situation is so typical of American families. He laments the future of the country in general.

When Aqua weighs in, Bob remarks on how driven and focus Courtney is and says she's a big threat. When Orange goes up, we discover that Ana and Irene are exactly the same weight: 255lbs. (Irene, BTW, is gorgeous. I predict I will be remarking on this constantly throughout the season.) Ana tells us that her mom is dead and Irene is her only child, basically the only person she has left. And, as her mother, Irene's heaviness is all her fault. Irene tells her mom to stop blaming herself. When Red weighs in, Q tells us he doesn't want to widow his wife.

The theme here seems to be parents blaming themselves for their children's weight, and the Pink team's Deni is no exception. Daughter Sarah tells us that she lost another pregnancy two months ago because of her weight. She and her husband have been trying to have children for two years, and the doctors attribute her multiple miscarriages (gawd, poor woman) to her weight. DH remarks that Sarah is going to be very pretty when she sheds the pounds. I maintain that she's pretty now. But yes, I too am very much looking forward to seeing her shed the pounds.

The Blue team is an interesting case, because Arthur's current weight of 507lbs is nothing compared to the 646lbs he was about a year and a half ago. (Incidentally, that means he was originally at a BMI of ninety-five point four. The mind boggles.) Arthur tells us that it's a very hard thing to lose almost 150lbs but still be at 507lbs. Yes, I agree that that would be a big downer. But Jillian assures him that they have "nothin' but time", and that she and Bob know he can do it. For his part, Jesse is very upbeat and says they're going to kick this problem in the ass.

At Green's weigh-in, Jen tells us that she doesn't actually know what it's like to be thin, but she doesn't intend to quit. Moses of the Grey team reiterates the message we've been getting over the past few seasons that the Tongan culture values food. But he says he needs to stop using that as an He wants to continue the tradition of success of the Tongan teams on this show and, with a big grin, vows that he and his daughter Kaylee will be the next Biggest Losers.

Don of the Black team tells us that his son has basically disowned him, because he can't stand to see how self-destructive his dad is. But at least Don has a shot of getting his relationship with his son back - his twin Dan tells us his son died six years ago, at age 24. This young man had a drug problem and died of an overdose. (Dan and Don being cops makes this cause of death particularly harsh.) Dan doesn't know what he could have done to prevent his son's death, but knows that he somehow failed his boy. He's also cut up because, shortly before his son's death, he'd actually managed to lose about 100lbs, and overheard his son talking about that at a family gathering, saying how proud he was of his dad. Of course, this is manna from heaven to a parent, but after his son's death, Dan let himself go again and feels he let his son down. Man. This family has issues.

Rulon, as a former Olympic wrestler, has naturally done a lot of weigh-ins in his life. But this one, he expects, will be pretty profound. Rulon has been as low as 265lbs in his heyday. This is a far cry from his current 474lbs. He's pretty horrified and upset about it. Bob says he's not that surprised to see this fall from grace, because it's very natural to go from one extreme to another. DH predicts Rulon will be a serious force in this competition, and I agree. Rulon's partner Justin tells us about a time last year when he was watching the show and he was all judgy and harshing on one of the guys weighing in, yet here he is at 365lbs. He despises himself for the hypocrisy and is determined to be someone that his family and community can be proud of.

With that, Ali makes it seem like she's about to release them into Bob and Jillian's clutches...but no! It's CHALLENGE time! Arthur, who has watched the show before, thinks this means people are going to have to go home, just like the Blue and Yellow teams did a few seasons ago. He's not alone in having this theory, and everyone gets really tense. Ali then reveals that the challenge will determine who the trainers will be. Oh, relief! Nobody's going home! Both Bob and Jillian are great, right? Nobody loses, no matter whom they get, right? But guess what? The choice is between Bob-and-Jillian...OR...two back-lit unknown hardbodies on a hill.

Two.
New.
Trainers.

Dunh dunh DUNNNNNNH.

Naturally, this freaks everyone right out. Except Rulon, who looks amused. The instant thought for most people is that you want to keep Bob and Jillian. But Ali says that if you get the new trainers, you get immunity for FOUR WEEKS. The hell? Arthur tells us, who is obviously very familiar with the usual Biggest Loser formula. Nobody gets immunity for four whole weeks! That's crazy town! And yet, it's true.

The challenge is as follows: Each team has a manual treadmill. Each team, as a team (which means that when one person gets pooped, the other person can take over), has to run a 5k. This is a very long distance for sedentary overweight people, so there's even more freaking out. This challenge, however, parallels a series of 5ks that the Biggest Loser is holding all over the country, apparently. The order in which the teams finish determines the order in which you get to choose your trainers. Austin reflects that the battle is not so much to choose your trainer as to choose your destiny. There are five spots open for the unknown trainers, which means that finishing in the top five guarantees that you will be able to make a choice.

Rulon and Justin debate a bit about what the good choice will actually be for them. Justin remarks that Rulon will probably be good no matter who his trainer is. (I agree.) They take off right out of the gate. Jen scoffs at this strategy, figuring they're going to run out of steam fast. Kaylee wants to keep up with Yellow. Courtney vows not to let an Olympic gold medallist beat her. It turns out that Yellow has staying power. They hit the 1k, 2k, 3k and 4k marks before everyone else before winning the whole thing. Rulon enjoys the competitive rush, it's been a while since he experienced that. DH remarks that this victory paints a massive target on their backs. But Grey, Aqua and Brown are also looking strong. And y'know, I'm noticing we're not seeing a lot of airtime from Red. What's up with that? :( Moses is pretty amazed at how well his daughter's doing, and he and Kaylee come in second. Aqua comes third. Jen breaks out in a screaming run, it's pretty awesome and kind of reminds me of Tara The Invincible Ass-Kicker Of Season 7. Jen calls herself The Hulk, which is pretty funny, especially since she's wearing a green shirt. They are followed by Brown, Purple, Pink, Red and Orange, in that order. Blue and Black are still on the treadmill. Arthur tells us that doing this at 507lbs is HARD. (I believe him.) Yet, he perseveres. Dan and Don are flabbergasted that the biggest guy here and his 65-year-old father are outperforming them. But they come in a pretty close last.

Ali makes some noise about the fact that everyone gets immunity in the first week, which gets me all happy, but this is later proved to be a lie as we do have an elimination at the end of the episode. :(

So...choices!

• Yellow chooses immunity. (DH and I reflect this is very smart, as they have a big target on their backs AND they can probably succeed with anybody. Green, however, is surprised.)
• Grey also chooses immunity, shocking more people.
• Aqua goes with Bob and Jillian.
• Green chooses Bob and Jillian.
• Brown goes with immunity. (Austin admits this could be a terrible decision but seems pretty upbeat about it.)
• Purple selects Bob and Jillian. (At this point, Ana's pretty stoked because the choice is going pretty evenly here, so there will be choice for the teams lower down on the totem pole.)
• Pink feels they need immunity because of all the tough teams here, and chooses the unknown trainers.
• Red takes immunity.

This leaves leaves Orange, Blue and Black with Bob and Jillian. Ana's disappointed because she wanted immunity.

With that, the contestants remaining on the ranch head over to the gym for their first workout. Where is everyone, asks Bob? Aqua explains the deal with the "unknowns". Gasp! Bob can't believe Aqua chose him and Jillian instead of immunity. So now he and Jill are nervous, and manage to freak Courtney out that she made the wrong choice. But mostly, this is about Bob and Jillian feeling like shit if any of their people go home. They will, however, do their damndest to get the best out of everyone. Onto the first workout! (Time to die.)

We start out on the treadmill and people are already wincing. But wait, here's something new - Jillian has decided not to yell this season. Really? How long d'you think this will last? Not long, apparently. Bob tells us that she makes this resolution at the beginning of every season. :) "Asking Jillian not to scream is like asking the grass not to grow...the fish not to swim...the lions not to roar..." (Bob is so awesome.) And sure enough, mere minutes into the footage, Jillian starts losing her shit on people. Bob focuses a lot on Arthur, who gets really daunted and frustrated. We find out really quickly that Jen is a screamer. You can even hear her loudly in the background when the focus is on other people. Courtney is really impressive and focused. Bob loves her. Jillian demands AGONY! Following which, Ana collapses and has to be attended to by a medic. One of the twins pukes. Marci testifies that she has never seen workouts this intense in all her years owning a health club.

Meanwhile, at a secret location...

Oh no, wait, it's Fitness Ridge. Not so secret. But anyhoo...

We still have no idea who the trainers are. We do find out that the man has a pre-med science background, and the woman is a boxer and has won the Golden Gloves twice. She wants to teach the Losers how to fight. DH speculates briefly that it could be Leila Ali, but I shoot this down fast. Leila Ali doesn't have such a wimpy voice, nor such a small frame. (But my heaven, wouldn't it be cool if Leila was one of the trainers?) The new trainers certainly seem to be effective, though. Everyone is whipped but determined. Rulon reflects that he didn`t even train this hard when he was trying to make the Olympics.

Back on the ranch, we get a lot of shots of Arthur wimping out.

"Arthur, look at me!" exhorts Jillian. "Do I look like a woman who gives a shit?"
"No, you don't," he admits.
"Then get up!"

This is followed by a lot of nagging to get his ass moving. Jesse finds watching all this pretty tough, but knows he has to let it happen. Finally, Bob takes Arthur outside for a heart-to-heart. Arthur tells Bob he wants to get himself back. Bob asks him how he got here in the first place. Arthur used to be a great wrestler, football player and baseball player, but he stopped moving. Then he lost his job, had some kids, and kept gaining weight...it all added up. Finally, he saw some TV shows where they have to actually cut overweight people out of their houses to get them to leave home (probably to go to the hospital), and he knew he was on the same road, so he promised to do something about his weight. He's so overwhelmed at the prospect of having to lose an additional 300lbs, but Bob (quite rightly) tells him he can't think about that. He must only think about what he has to do TODAY. (Bob, where was this philosophy two seasons ago when Michael lost his shit?) Arthur feels really reassured to know that Bob has his back.

Just as things are winding down for the day, Jillian brings her truck around. So help me, they're going to have to push the truck all around the campus. Ranch tour, the hard way! There is much groaning. There are even hills! Wow, Bob and Jillian are sadists. ;)

Bonus video: Apparently, people got videos from home during the first week. One family member testifies that Ana's devotion to her daughter led to the downward spiral of her health. She thinks Ana being on the Biggest Loser is good because she's finally doing something for herself. We also hear from Jen's mom/Jay's wife. Apparently it's been years since Jen's been on a date, because she's not comfortable with her looks. Mom/wife vows to support them when they return home. Jen tells everyone she's never gotten below 210lbs. Hannah and Olivia's dad talks about their PCOS condition. It keeps their metabolisms low, making weight loss almost impossible. They confess that they're worried about getting on the scale for weigh-ins. Dan's wife and daughter come on and his daughter starts crying because she thinks her dad's going to die soon. Yes folks, time to whip out the tissues. Poor, dear, little thing. We also hear that Dan made two promises to his dead son: get his master's degree (he did) and lose the weight (not done yet). Olivia is very impressed to have seen how much all the families love and support the contestants.

Scale time? Already? Apparently so - Ali congratulations the on-ranch contestants for making it through their first weeks. She then proceeds to freak them out AGAIN by telling them the highlights of the weigh-in of all the contestants who are with the unknown trainers. The first highlight is that the most weight lost by any one team (we are shown it's Justin and Rulon but the on-ranch contestants don't get that detail) was 59lbs. The second highlight is that the most weight lost by any one person (we are shown it's Moses, but again, the on-ranch contestants don't know that) was 41lbs (which must mean that Kaylee lost less than 18lbs). Not only does this put the fear of gawd into the on-ranch contestants (although Hannah further endears herself to me by quipping that 41lbs equals "a kindergartener and a bulldog"), it also pisses me off something fierce because those are the ONLY NUMBERS we are shown of the off-ranch contestants! What the hell! WHAT ABOUT MY SPREADSHEET, PEOPLE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK LIKE THIS WITHOUT FULL RESULTS?!?

Deep breath...ohmmm...

Okay, back to the weigh-in at hand. The on-ranch people don't do too shabbily, I must say. Jesse kind of screws the pooch - from an interview, it sounds like this was due to his not doing great with his food during the week. Hopefully losing just 2.39% will give him the kick in the ass he needs to get his food sorted out by the next weigh-in. Particularly impressive is Purple, who had a team loss of 6.29% (Hannah 6.45%, Olivia 6.13%.) Not damn bad for people with PCOS and who are the least overweight in the house! Very glad to see them sticking around.

Milestones achieved:

• Arthur dropped under 500lbs
• Rulon dropped under 450lbs
• Jay and Moses dropped under 400lbs
• Justin dropped under 350lbs
• Don dropped under 300lbs
• Dan and Jen dropped under 275lbs
• Ana, Olivia and Irene dropped under 250lbs
• Marci dropped under 225lbs
• Jay, Justin, Moses, Rulon and Arthur hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Jennifer and Marci moved from being morbidly obese to clinically obese

(Note that Austin, Deni, Q, Kaylee, Ken, Larialmy and Sarah's weight loss numbers are unknown so I can't include any of their milestones here.)

In the end, it's the Orange team below the yellow line.

Bonus video: Orange team are below the yellow line and have to plead to the rest of the house to send each other home. Ana wants Irene to stay, as she thinks Irene would benefit the most. Irene wants Ana to stay because her mother's health is at risk and she doesn't have a "foundation" in her life (whatever that means) to work out every day. She doesn't believe Ana actually will work out every day at home, but if Ana stayed longer, it would help her incorporate fitness into her life. Ana admits in an interview that Irene has a point, but she still wants Irene to stay. (Ah, the streotype of the ever-sacrificing mother.) Marci points out that Irene is more of a threat, but that the house will vote according to their hearts.

After a vote, Ana gets sent home, where she's down to 205lbs. She can carry mail again! And she's going out! DANCING! That is awesome.

Standings

#	loss %	lbs lost	BMI
1	Moses (9.32)	Moses (41)	Hannah (35.3)
2	Justin (7.40)	Rulon (32)	Olivia (36.2)
3	Jennifer (7.19)	Arthur (31)	Jen (38.1)
4	Don (6.80)	Justin (27)	Marci (38.4)
5	Rulon (6.75)	Jay (26)	Dan (40.7)
6	Dan (6.62)	Don (21)	Justin (42.2)
7	Jay (6.50)	Jen (20)	Irene (42.9)
8	Hannah (6.45)	Dan (19)	Jesse (43.5)
9	Olivia (6.13)	Hannah, Olivia (16)	Ana (43.6)
10	Arthur (6.11)		Don (43.8)
11	Marci (5.88)	Courtney (15)	Courtney, Moses (51.2)
12	Irene (5.10)	Marci (14)
13	Courtney (4.64)	Irene (13)	Jay (52.2)
14	Ana (3.53)	Ana (9)	Rulon (56.7)
15	Jesse (2.39)	Jesse (7)	Arthur (70.3)

Coming up (potential SPOILERS)

Possible milestones next week:

• Jennifer, Dan and Don could hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Moses could hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Moses could hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Dan could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese
• Hannah could move from clinically obese to obese

TV Guide description for next week's show: The players compete for immunity, which is awarded to the group that loses the most weight. Elsewhere, Dr. Huizenga provides health assessments of the contestants, whose loved ones are also briefed; the players compete in a bridge-building challenge.

Jam! TV listings description for next week's show: The ranch-based contestants attempt to lose a higher percentage of weight than the unknowns in order to get immunity; Dr. Huizenga talks to the contestants about their health.

Waterworks

We begin this week where we left off last week: in the elimination room. Jesse and Aaron have obviously just left and there is silence in the room except for the quiet sobbing of Jessica. We are reminded about how Patrick betrayed his friendship for Jesse by voting for him. Patrick interviews that this was the hardest vote yet, but he had to vote for Jesse because he was partnered with Aaron, whom Patrick considered to be his biggest threat.

Ali points out that we are down to eight people from 21 original contestants. The next Biggest Loser is somewhere in this room. And we're now going to singles. Yes, it's time for everyone to stand on their own two feet. Speaking of which, Elizabeth is mad because Bob and Jillian both went off on a tirade last week during the weigh-in that she was still not standing on her own two feet. So she's excited, and determined to prove them wrong.

In the gym, Jessica reflects on how far she's come - the first challenge was a mile, and she found it extremely hard. But now, it's her warm-up. As they're all warming up. Bob and Jillian show up and notice that Aaron and Jesse are gone. Bob gets a little pissy about this because he was under the impression that Brendan wasn't going to gameplay anymore. (Say what, now? What naive fantasy land are you living in, Bob?) Brendan explains his choice by declaring that he wasn't willing to send Elizabeth home as the alternative. Bob goes off to have a sulk and interview about how gameplay sucks. He gets a bit of it out his system by torturing Brendan one-on-one for a while.

Jessica is struggling because apparently she was very attached to Jesse. She realises that she really needs to learn how to do this sort of thing on her own. Mark reflects that people are really starting to realise that there's no safety net now. Patrick vows to take full advantage of this opportunity. He's been unemployed for months and has had to borrow money from his parents and his wife's parents to get by. Translation: I will do whatever it takes to win this show. He and Bob talk about the elimination and he explains that he had to weigh his family's needs (money) against his friendship with Jesse. Bob is just angry about the situation. He wants good competitors like Patrick to keep other good competitors around him to make winning more meaningful. Y'know, I like Bob a lot, but he can be ridiculously unrealistic about human psychology. NO ONE who is genuinely serious about winning a reality show grand prize is going to keep their biggest competitors around them for honour's sake. Bob needs to stop taking eliminations personally. In fact, he's actually done the opposite of what he wanted: his conversation with Patrick only strengthen's that boy's resolve to "put himself in the best situation" to win the show.

Bob and Jillian then try to get the contestants to destress by watching videos from home. Everyone's really excited, but Bob takes Ada aside to warn her that she doesn't have a video. The show called her family several times and never got a response. Ada is clearly sad about this but tries really hard to put a brave face on it. Sadly, she is also clearly unsurprised, classifying her family's "support" not as loving so much as "you'd better have lost a hundred pounds or don't come back". (Aaaand my burning hatred for her parents ramps up a few MORE notches.)

Awkward silence.

Bob attempts to get Ada to talk about how hurt she's feeling, but she doesn't want to acknowledge that she's sad about it. (God forbid we should display weakness, after all.) Bob then proceeds to demonstrate that he was the last person who should have been having this conversation with Ada, since at NO TIME does he take the opportunity to a) tie in her feelings of inadequacy with her family's unacceptable behaviour and b) tell her that showing sadness does not equal being weak. Jillian, on the other hand, would have been all over both of those points. Mostly, his focus is simply on "overcoming this". Sigh.

Ada tries to pass off her family's disinterest in her as "cultural", which I think is bullshit. I mean, yes, when I was growing up I watched some (not all!) of my Chinese/other Asian friends get ENORMOUS pressure to succeed "or else", but I don't believe for a second that they all experienced the kind of verbal abuse and lack of emotional support that Ada got dumped with. I don't buy that that kind of behaviour is "cultural". (And frankly, to say that it is doesn't reflect very well on Chinese people in general. I imagine that there are now a bunch of white people all over America - those who don't have enough contact with Asian communities to know better - who now think the home dynamic of all Chinese families is abusive and unsupportive. Yeah, that's going to do wonders for racism in that country.)

So everyone minus Ada gathers in the TV room to watch their videos, and there are some mutterings about where Ada has gone. Lisa declares that she's sure Ada didn't actually get a video, and Elizabeth figures she hasn't come downstairs to watch with them because of that. This bums people out, but they have to turn the TV on anyway. Patrick is first, and there are many squeals and aws as we see his super-cute sons. (Who look exactly like him, so sweet.) His wife (who for some bizarre reason is named Bradley) comes on and tells him that she's lost a whopping 40lbs! Patrick is super-proud.

Frado's (young-looking and hot) wife tells him how proud she is of him. His daughter Danielle offers to run the last 10 miles of the marathon together if he makes the Final Four. He would love that.

Lisa has a huge crowd of people on a single couch cheering for her. Her kids tell her they love her and they're proud of her. Lisa starts really feeling like she wants to stay on the ranch. (At last!)

Brendan's mom is as New England as they come. :) She tells him he's great. He interviews that over the past few years, he really hasn't been a good son or uncle or friend, but he has people who love him unconditionally anyway, and that's very special. He needs to stop making excuses and be more thoughtful in the future.

Incidentally, one of the Biggest Loser bonus videos from a week or two back offered an interesting explanation for Brendan's general jerkiness and how he could have become so depressed that he kicked his fiancee out of his life. He apparently has some kind of genetic condition that screws with his hip, causing him a lot of pain. (The added weight obviously doesn't help with this.) As a result, he's been on narcotic painkillers for a number of years, which do help with his pain, but which also contribute to depression. He's now addicted to the painkillers, and freely admits it, but wants to lose enough weight first so that his pain is more manageable when he starts going off the narcotics. However, in the video, we see that his prescription has run out and Dr. H. refuses to give him any more because he doesn't want to feed Brendan's addiction. This pisses Brendan off but he decides to try it Dr. H.'s way. However, he vows that if the pain is unbearable, he will have no qualms about leaving the show so that he can get the prescription from another doctor. (Personally, I think Brendan's argument makes a lot of sense: stay on the painkillers long enough to lose enough weight so that the pain isn't unbearable, and then you'll have a much easier time kicking the narcotics habit.)

Jessica's mother sends her messages of pride, love and support. This seems a far cry away from the emotionally and physically abusive relationship that Jessica described herself as having had during her childhood. So clearly they've put it back together, which is quite astonishing. This makes her mom's message very meaningful.

Elizabeth's mom has lost a lot of weight and is now cooking healthy meals and working out. She points out that when Elizabeth returns home she will be in an environment that supports her diet and her exercise regime. And that is really freakin' awesome. Elizabeth is super-happy about this and is inspired by her mom.

Mark's cousin has lost a spectacular sixty-five pounds while he's been on the ranch! And Mark has been her motivation. That is amazing. Mark thinks so, too, and he's very touched. He's absolutely gobsmacked that he's inspiring people before he even gets home. He points out that his cousin is proof that there's no reason everyone can't do it at home.

So everyone else thinks Ada deserves her own video, so they make one for her. (Awwwww. :) It's really sweet and uplifting and says a lot of wonderful things about how amazing and funny and strong and special and smart and beautiful Ada is. (Although I bet they wouldn't hesitate to vote her big-threatness out if they got the chance!) Ada's very touched and says she's never been in an environment full of people who cared so much about her. (Sad.) Group hug!

Jillian gives us what is probably the biggest laugh of the week when she defines going to singles as "no more gameplaying". Day-um, and I thought it was just Bob who was off in the sunshine, rainbows and sparkly ponies land of naivete!

Jessica tells us she's struggling emotionally and physically this week. Wow, she really must have been attached to Jesse if his departure is messing with her head that much. Romantic possibility, maybe? (They'd make a super-cute couple.) Jillian makes Elizabeth's life a living hell to demonstrate that she doesn't need to be "carried" by other people. With fantastic insight, she brings out a step platform and makes her do the 500 stepups challenge all over again in front of everyone. Because Elizabeth never finished that challenge to get in the house; rather, she came into the house because Jillian chose her for the spot. So by doing this challenge successfully, it will help Elizabeth feel like she really deserves her spot in the house. It seems to work really well and is one of those great Biggest Loser accomplishment moments. Everyone takes turns counting out Elizabeth's steps while Jillian keeps up a running commentary about how Elizabeth will know she earned her spot here and that she's just as good as everyone else. At 360 steps, which is the point where Elizabeth passed out originally, Jillian gives her weights to carry, which she starts pumping (although by 398 she's pooped out from that and is just holding them). She then runs the last ten steps and - tadah! Done! Yay! "You deserve to be here," Jillian tells her intensely. "Act like it."

Bonus video: Inspired by helping Elizabeth redo the step-up challenge, Patrick gets everyone together to try and recapture the helping-each-other spirit that they all had at the beginning of the season. He tells everyone that being with them on the ranch has been one of the most amazing experiences of his life and he's looking forward to all of them being "hot as hell". :) Lisa points out how far they've all come. Frado, in thinking back about an experience with his daughter, reflects that becoming fat doesn't affect just you, and that he will never be a burden on his family again. Brendan says he's been crying every day for almost a week and a half, and he just doesn't cry that much normally. He brings out a letter from his mom which he asks Mark to read because he can't get through it himself. She talks about how many of the things he does in his life are wonderful and make her proud, but watching him stuff himself with junk food and make the couch bow in the middle when he lies on it makes her feel helpless. She blames herself for some of his depression and offers to talk about her divorce from his father if he wants to. Brendan acknowledges that he's discovered he did have an issue about his parents' divorce and has more emotional issues than he thought, and that he hasn't been happy in a long time. Elizabeth interviews that these are things he'll have to deal with once he gets home, and that all of them have to deal with the stuff that got them there. Mark interviews that he's not lying to himself anymore and he loves it. We get a flashback of Jessica in the elimination room saying that Jesse taught her more about herself than she'd learned so far about herself in a long time. She interviews that she hasn't been cared about like that by a guy in a long time. (Ooh!) Ada came to the ranch feeling very empty as a person. But for the first time she feels worthy. She's not used to this, but she feels good about herself and is proud of her accomplishments. Patrick feels this has all solidified the group. "Biggest Loser Ten, Never Fat Again" is their new motto.

Bonus video: Bob talks to Brendan to see where his head's at. Brendan is feeling like a mess because he's starting to deal with repressed issues. Bob points out that Brendan's been so focused on gameplay that the dam is only breaking now. But he thinks Brendan is in a good spot to start figuring things out. Brendan feels that he's on the right track, even if he's just at the very start of the track.

Balance-over-water challenge! This freaks Ada out because one of her little brothers died in a kiddie pool when she was about three. Pools freak her out. (Also, her parents totally blamed her for it and so she thinks that she should have been able to swim and save her brother. Sigh.) Lisa is initially ecstatic because she thinks it's going to be a swimming challenge, but no. The rules are kind of bizarre. One person starts (Frado gets to choose who since he's got the highest percentage of weight loss in the house) and they have to balance on one foot for five seconds. If they're successful, they get to choose the next person to balance. At certain points (I never did figure out how this was determined), the time required to balance gets increased by another five seconds.

This thing where the last person to balance successfully gets to choose the next person to do the balancing means that it's possible for some people to not have to do any balancing while others do it a bunch of times. And sure enough, that's exactly what happens. It doesn't take too long for Lisa, Ada and Mark to be the only ones left (Elizabeth is really pissed off when she goes out, because balancing is her strength), and Lisa and Mark pass the buck back and forth for ages leaving Ada doing zippo for quite some time. Finally, Lisa falls in and it's just Mark and Ada left. Really, it's quite surprising that Mark is still in it, you would think this is a lighter person's challenge what with all the balancing to be done and all, but Mark actually ends up winning it!

Big Subway product placement! The contestants have to make the best sandwich. It has to be low in calories and taste great. They all get to vote on the best sandwich but they can't vote for their own. The prize is a $500 Subway gift certificate, which Lisa wins.

Last chance workout. Bob focuses on Elizabeth. (He should have focused on getting himself into a shirt that didn't have little holes all over it. Are the royalties from the Wii version of the Biggest Loser not paying you enough to buy new clothes, Bob?) Brendan interviews that he feels great in the gym. Frado looks strong, too, and is gunning for hitting the 100lb mark of total weight loss. Elizabeth starts fantasizing about losing six pounds, as that would put her below 200lbs, which she hasn't seen the likes of in about eight years, and vows never to lose sight of again. Jessica's trying to get her head back in the game. Ada's running really well on the treadmill. Bob gets a bunch of people on the step machines and pumps them up to really high levels. "Elizabeth! My head's gonna blow off my shoulders if you stop!" vows Bob, and makes her say, "I feel good, Bob!" Everyone's grunting and groaning except for Ada, who looks awesome. He gets evangelical, making everyone lift themselves off their elbows and raise their heads up. Elizabeth has an asthma episode, but the workout is over and Bob is pleased.

At the weigh-in, Ali announces that everyone really wants to stick around because the next week is...MAKEOVER WEEK! (SQUEE!!!) There is general excitement and anticipation from everybody, making me really wonder...why do none of the men ever seem to pack freakin' RAZORS when they come on this show? It always seems that there are huge beards to shave off every year. I don't get it. (DH mumbles something at this point about playoff beards. Yeah, I still don't get it.)

Once again, all the women are in the bottom half...except Ada, who is the week's Biggest Loser. I luvs her so much.

• Frado and Brendan dropped below 275lbs
• Frado hit the 100lb mark of total loss
• Lisa hit the 20% mark of total loss
• Mark, Frado and Ada hit the 25% mark of total loss
• Lisa and Elizabeth moved from clinically obese to obese

Bonus video: It's Jessica and Elizabeth below the yellow line, and they plead their cases. Elizabeth is very frustrated because, with the exception of when they were in two groups, she has been under the yellow line the whole time. She feels that having real proof that she can kick ass and be above the yellow line is more important than making the Final Four or making Makeover Week or whatever. She wants the chance to be above the yellow line, maybe even the week's biggest loser. Jessica reflects that she's latched onto people her whole life because she feels like she can't do it by herself. So this week has made her realise that she has a lot more issues than she thought, and she needs more time on the ranch to figure out how to stand on her own two feet. She asks for mercy.

However, since Frado and Brendan adore Elizabeth and Lisa was Elizabeth's partner last week, Jessica is toast. She goes home, but not before treating herself to a little makeover of her own. Alas, the haircut makes her face look fatter, but she still looks great and feels really confident. Her family is very excited to see her and she is profiled as being down to 200lbs - great! Her goal is to be 160lbs by the finale.

Next week: (SPOILERS)

Next week, watch for less hair and the following milestones:

• Patrick and Mark could drop below 300lbs
• Lisa could drop below 225lbs
• Elizabeth could drop below 200lbs
• Patrick could hit the 100lb mark of total loss
• Patrick and Brendan could hit the 25% mark of total loss
• Frado could move from clinically obese to obese
• Ada could move from obese to overweight

Video preview: Everybody's favourite episode - Makeover Week! Girly squeals and lots of shaving. (A quick shot of Mark sans beard shows us he's looking pretty awesome - actually, looks like they're leaving him with a little goatee, which looks good.) The screenshots also look very similar to the year they did the Tyra Banks show, so watch out for a potential television appearance. In a waiting room of some sort, contestants meet gobsmacked loved ones. Patrick (who has been given a silly-looking 50s-style cowlick of some kind) hugs his wife while his sons frolic around them. Lisa's daughter tearfully thanks The Biggest Loser for saving her mom's life. Also, on Wednesday, there's a Where Are They Now show, which will be really fun. Sneak peeks: Ed (of Ed and Heba) looks like he's gotten much larger again, and we also see that Max Morelli (Ron's son, Mike's brother) has dropped a lot of weight. Apparently all the previous winners are getting together to inspire someone who's gained the weight back. Warning: I've seen a promo group shot from the Where Are They Now episode, and Daniel Wright has become big again, it might be him.

Standings

#	loss %	total loss %	lbs lost	total lbs lost	BMI
1	Ada (4.04)	Frado (27.25)	Patrick (10)	Mark (112)	Ada (30.7)
2	Frado (3.26)	Mark (26.60)	Frado (9)	Frado (100)	Elizabeth (34.5)
3	Patrick (3.22)	Ada (26.36)	Ada, Brendan, Mark (8)	Patrick (99)	Lisa (34.7)
4	Brendan (2.86)	Brendan (24.86)		Brendan (90)	Jessica (35.5)
5	Lisa (2.56)	Patrick (24.75)		Ada (68)	Frado (36.2)
6	Mark (2.52)	Lisa (20.83)	Lisa (6)	Lisa (60)	Brendan (36.9)
7	Elizabeth (2.43)	Jessica (19.50)	Elizabeth (5)	Jessica (55)	Mark (38.6)
8	Jessica (0.44)	Elizabeth (17.62)	Jessica (1)	Elizabeth (43)	Patrick (38.6)

Drama Club

Sunrise on the ranch, plus inspiring chamber music. Oh, and cupcakes. Hundreds of them. Why deary me, it must be a temptation!

Adam is unmoved. He's not a cupcake guy. But Burgandy is tempted by the very smell. Apparently when you get four hundred cupcakes all in the same room, it is an olfactory assault.

However, forget about basking in the cupcakey goodness, because Ali reveals that TWO (count 'em) people are going home this week. Yes, this week there will be a RED LINE. And as anyone who's been watching the past few seasons knows, anyone below the red line is automatically eliminated without any challenge or vote to give them the slimmest possibility of reprieve. But today's temptation could pull your ass out of the fire! There is one cupcake out here with the Biggest Loser logo on it. Finding that cupcake means you can choose to have a 1lb advantage at the weigh-in. BUT, for every week you keep the logo and choose not to use it, the advantage increases by another pound the following week. So, for example, Ali tells us, if you held onto the logo for eight weeks, you could cash it in for an eight-pound advantage. So, that's huge. Suddenly, Adam is a cupcake guy.

But it's not just blind chance. If you eat a cupcake and don't find the logo, you will get a clue as to where the winning cupcake actually is. Rick, Adam, Jesse and Elizabeth all play. Rick goes for a small one on the first shot to minimize calorie consumption. Elizabeth had no such strategy and stuffed a big one in her mouth. Lisa's strategy was to just stay away from the whole damn mess. Jesse gets "lapped" in cupcakes by Adam and Rick and wishes he'd never started. Rick eventually gets one more clue than Adam, a clue which REALLY narrows it down, but Adam picks the right cupcake first and gets the advantage. He feels great - this on top of his work ethic puts him in a really good position. The price, however, was 1350 bad calories consumed. He says it's no big deal because he'll just burn an extra 1350 calories tonight. Whispers break out behind his back and someone calls him "cocky". (I don't think it was cocky myself, I thought it was just good sense.)

Ali notes that Frado and Brendan didn't play, and Brendan says he didn't want a target on his back for a prize that wouldn't pay off for a while. Adam reflects that he didn't realise about the becoming a target thing. Oh, well!

Elizabeth is tearful and regrets participating. She's also terrified of the red line and going home. She's trying to work hard but doesn't feel any change. Brendan, standing behind her, comforts her with a bit of a back rub. This makes me realise that what Elizabeth doesn't know is that she actually has a big advantage - Brendan and Frado both competed with her in the city challenges to get on the show, and they like her and seem to have a soft spot for her...and they're part of a secret three-person alliance and could probably convince their fellow conspirator Patrick not to vote for her. So whether Elizabeth knows it or not, if it's between her and someone else (who isn't in the alliance), she's probably got three votes that won't swing her way. That's some powerful stuff.

Ali points out that when they go back to the real world, they're not going to avoid desserts for the rest of their lives. So, for healthier options, she brings in Curtis Stone! (Probably to make up for the woody-fest that was the Anna Kournikova visit last week. Now it's the ladies' turn to get their freak on.) Squeals ensue. "Who needs cupcakes?" exclaims Lisa. Apparently everything about him is "delicious". (I cannot help feeling sorry for Curtis.)

So we're going to make something decadent, delicious, and healthy. The winning cupcake, for example, was one which Curtis made, and it was just 100 calories. So you really can have sweet stuff when you're trying to lose weight, but you need positive temptation. Curtis suggests saying, "Do you mind if I make some cupcakes and bring 'em round?" if you're going off to a party at someone's house. That way, the healthy option will be right there for you.

Use egg whites instead of eggs, honey instead of sugar, wheat flour instead of white flour, use raspberry puree in the frosting. Patrick interviews that the resulting cupcakes are good, and this is great compared to the 5500 calories he was eating every day at home. (Ho. Lee. Shit.) Lisa obsesses about Curtis some more and gives him a nice, long hug.

Bonus video: Elizabeth is still mad at herself about participating in the cupcake temptation and opens up to Rick about it. She doesn't even like cupcakes, she laughs. But she's still terrified about going home. She talks about not having control over her body, and we hear that she once had a benign tumor the size of a softball that had to be removed. Rick reflects that having a high-up yellow line only dials up the pressure. He points out that even if she loses just 3lbs a week like she did at the last weigh-in, she'll be at her goal weight before the finale. (THANK YOU! WISDOM AT LAST!) And that's what we're all here for. Elizabeth talks about her father, whose health is falling apart, and she sees her life as his. Again with the fantastic wisdom, Rick points out that every single person in the house could do awesome, but there's still going to be someone below the red line and people below the yellow line. Does that mean the people under the lines did badly? No. He says the worst thing to do is put pressure on ourselves. Just do the best you can, and at the finale you'll do great. Elizabeth appreciates it and thanks him for always listening to her. "I don't have any of my kids here," he shrugs. :) They hug it out.

Adam and Aaron start talking about the temptation and how Adam now has a target on his back. Meanwhile, in another meeting of the super-secret alliance (only this time with Ada included for some reason), Brendan says that Adam went for the temptation because he's scared of the three of them. (Y'know, I want to like all the contestants, but every week I get more and more evidence that Brendan is a jerk.) Frado reflects that as time goes on, the target on Adam's back will just get bigger, so Adam should play the advantage sooner rather than later. But Aaron and Adam think it'll work out. Aaron is of course on Adam's side because Adam saved him from the elimination challenge last week. Finally, Frado points out that the advantage/target thing is kind of immaterial if you just go and put the work in. Adam, he says respectfully, puts the work in. So they have to put the work in, too. I do like Frado, I have to say. In the other room, Aaron and Adam come to the same conclusion. But Brendan is now on an anti-Adam vendetta. He asks Ada if she's in on the anti-Adam action, and she agrees.

Bonus video: So there's drama. Ada has been getting annoyed by Adam, so she vented to Brendan, and Brendan blew it up into drama, and then Frado got on board. Oy, vey. So apparently Adam thinks that Frado is a "shady", Godfather-like character and that Brendan is his concigliere and does whatever Frado tells him to do. Frado is very affronted and feels that Adam should have said such things to his face. You know, "like a man". Frado clarifies that he doesn't mind being called stupid or arrogant, but shady? That cuts deep. (I do notice, however, that Frado doesn't go back to Adam to confront him about these things. You know, "like a man"?) And it turns out that that is how Brendan ends up getting Ada to side with them against Adam.

Ooh. The plot thickens.

Everyone's sitting around and Rick points out that the trainers will be coming soon and grilling them about the temptation. (Rick just keeps proving over and over that he's the smartest man in the house.) Jesse is really nervous and knows Bob and Jillian are going to kick his ass. Sure enough, the trainers show up. Sophia explains the deal. They're blown away by the prize. Oh, and the red line thing, too. They find out that Adam won and are pretty fatalistic about it and the 1350 calories he consumed to get the victory. Sophia is SHOCKED that they didn't chew him out. "Where the heck is the hellfire?!?" she interviews, as we see Tracey flashbacks from a few seasons ago. Bob and Jillian are just having a really good day, I guess. :) Also, Adam is a hard worker, so I think they trust him.

Workout. Everyone has the red line uppermost in their minds. (Probably because Bob and Jillian keep TALKING ABOUT IT!) People freak out in interviews. Patrick remarks that the girls are under a lot of stress, as Lisa walks out of the gym to have a panic attack. Elizabeth fights through another asthma attack. Jillian feels that this is a defense mechanism and knows, from her years of training experience, that asthma isn't really the thing that's holding her back. So they talk it out. Elizabeth doesn't want to die like her father. But she doesn't really believe in her ability to control that. Jillian says that this internal battle with her crap is holding her back, that's what's affecting her breathing. Elizabeth suddenly seems to realise this and gets back on the bike.

Frado tries to keep a low profile but then Bob grabs him, saying that he loves training guys like him. He says that Frado doesn't even know how far his limits are. But Bob wants more. So Frado yells a bunch more. We hear that Frado was taking an unbelievable amount of pills every day and injecting himself with insulin, but now he's off his meds totally...which, I must say, is completely freakin' awesome.

More beatings.

But then Mark screws up his back on the rowing machine. :( This doesn't look good, and Mark is scared.

Next we focus on Aaron. Jillian has him doing ten two-minute sprints, which is pretty unbelievable for a 431lb man. He doesn't think he can do it, either, but Jillian doesn't let him quit. Then we have one of those great moments that keep me watching this show. :) Right before his last sprint, Jillian asks him how it's going to look, that he has an opportunity to change his whole dynamic and finish strong. She interviews that he needs an experience of success in an activity he didn't think he could do. This will help this whole illusion of inability that he's built up about himself to start crashing down. As she asks, "What's the last one gonna be like," Frado calls out from behind Aaron, "London!" which is the name of Aaron's son, the light of his life. Apparently Frado regularly yells this out whenever he sees Aaron ready to quit, which is fantastic. "It's gonna be my best one," Aaron says quietly. Jillian jacks him up until he's yelling it like he means it. "Come on, let's go!" yells out Frado. Aaron interviews that the two things he wants his son to understand are a) unconditional love and b) relentless, passionate, hard work. And he wants London to look at him and say that he wants to be like his dad. So here we go. Supportive yells and whoops come from all over the gym as he sprints it out. And Jillian actually gives out compliments.

Now that is good TV.

Also, eat broccoli. Bob says so.

So...weigh-in! Adam bets on himself and holds back his advantage. Bob and Jillian get into a philosphical argument of gameplay vs getting your life back.

Milestones achieved:

• Adam dropped under 350lbs
• Rick dropped under 300lbs
• Ada and Elizabeth dropped under 225lbs
• Ada, Lisa and Jessica hit 25lbs of total loss
• Adam, Rick and Frado hit 50lbs of total loss
• Aaron, Frado, Patrick, Brendan and Ada hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Rick hit the 15% mark of total loss
• Jesse moved from super-obese to morbidly obese
• Jessica and Lisa moved from morbidly obese to clinically obese

Sadly, though, it's Sophia under the red line and she has to leave campus immediately. Back at home, she's down to 225lbs (a BMI of 35.2, which is clinically obese on the cusp of moving to just plain obese), and is able to coach her cheerleading team properly without looking like a ridiculous hypocrite. The team, for their part, is really supportive of her and is happy to see her doing so well. She also leads spin classes. Her goal is to be down to 172lbs by the finale.

Frado, the biggest loser of the week (thanks to the extra boost from his obvious waterloading last week) has to decide whom to save from the elimination challenge. So he talks to Mark about how his back is doing. Mark wants to be okay so that he can participate in the challenge and Frado can pick someone else. He doesn't seem very sure, but he tells Frado that he can do the challenge.

Bonus video: Frado continues to weigh his options. He says he truly adores the six people at risk, so it's a tough choice. He talks with Jessica, who calls him "Pops". She's pissed off at being under, because she busted her ass this week. She asks Frado to reward her for doing really well this week. He calls her the "top dog of the bottom six". Then he talks to Elizabeth. He asks whether she wants him to save her, or whether she wants to compete. She says that she will always fight. Lisa gets all tearful, which I have to imagine is at least a little bit annoying for a guy like Frado. She claims that she wants to be here and doesn't feel ready to go home, which is how you can tell that she's not, well, ready to go home. Jesse says he's always up for a challenge, so if Frado doesn't pick him, he'll just do his best. Frado obviously likes this, and they clap hands and man-hug it out. Frado really likes Jesse. Burgandy says she feels like she works like crazy. She's never asked for the nod before, she says (hello? last week with Adam?), but she's asking for it now. However, she says, if she doesn't get it, the two of them are still totally cool. At the end of it all, Frado is torn between Jesse and Jessica.

Hey, did you know that Subway is doing breakfasts now? It's called "Build a Better Breakfast". Like OMG, wow! The contestants had no idea they could get breakfast at Subway! And you can, too! Nutritious breakfasts are now easy and delicious! And also, Subway! For breakfast!

Workout time. Ada is in trouble because she basically asked for beatings from Jillian during the weigh-in. We actually get a good bit of insight as to how the weigh-ins are filmed: they take a really long time to do and there's a lot of downtime, during which there's a lot of opportunity to talk. So Ada made the dumbass move of telling Jillian she didn't feel she'd had a breakthrough yet. But what it turns out that what this all is is Ada's way of setting up a failing experience for herself, because that's what she's used to and comfortable with: pushing Jillian to push her so she can give up. And this is exactly what happens. (Incidentally, Jillian is wearing a t-shirt that says Disco Sucks. I think my husband will now love her forever.) "Does this feel just like home?" Jillian asks Ada. "Yup," Ada responds. Jillian follows through: "Good and comfortable here?" This pushes Ada beyond her emotional limits and she leaves the gym.

Outside, they have a heart-to-heart. Nothing Ada has ever done has been good enough for her parents. They call her an idiot, tell her she's worthless. She's always felt they were never proud of her. She tells Jillian about her brother drowning in the kiddie pool with her when her parents went away to get a towel. She knows that they blame her, even though she didn't cause it. But her parents have actually said, "Why couldn't it have been you." They also go on about her weight, saying that she's so fat, she can't do anything right, and they can't stand to look at her.

Man, you know, I already heard most of this before and despised her parents for it, but hearing it again in greater detail, I now loathe them with the heat of a thousand suns. How CAN you do that to your own children. Children are precious, they're gifts to us. It is our sacred responsibility to build them up, and cushion them always with unconditional love, so that they have stability and confidence and self-belief. Hearing the story of a person who experienced the exact opposite of that just breaks my heart. It goes against everything that is good and right and humane. HOW can you do that to a child. Ugh.

But back to Ada specifically. She wants to be happy about the good things she's achieving on the ranch, but she doesn't know how to have those feelings. Jillian advises her to give herself time. She says that until Ada is strong enough to deal with all of her pain, she's not going to be able to feel the good stuff, either. She also identifies to Ada that the environment she grew up in was abusive. (I'm glad someone finally said it.) But, Jillian says, there must be some part of Ada that doesn't believe she's a complete screwup, or she wouldn't bother being here at the ranch. Ada looks up with a hopeful smile that really is like the sun coming up. She wants to be happy with the person that she is.

Okay, it's a start. I just wish Jillian had pointed out that maybe Ada hasn't been failing her whole life, that it's her parents who have been failing her.

For Bob's part, he's pissed off that the girls (yeah, the show is still calling them that) keep falling below the yellow line. He tries to whip them up into a fury of effort. As part of his below-the-yellow-liners rehabilitation effort, he goes to DESPERATE methods and tries something that has NEVER been tried before.

He...

Wait for it...

It's rather shocking...

He...

INVITES THEM TO HIS HOUSE FOR DINNER.

Dunh, dunh, duuuuuuunh.

So, unsurprisingly, Bob's home is impeccably decorated. He remarks at how nice everyone looks in their off-ranch clothes and how loosely they fit. :)

Mark asks to see Bob's fridge. It contains a lot of fruits and vegetables. But generally he doesn't keep a lot of food in the house. Burgandy doesn't either, that's why they go out for fast food so much, so she's wondering how Bob hacks it. Bob says that the food in the house should have a shelf life of no longer than two weeks, because that means that the food you have is unprocessed. He also works in a little plug for Brita water filters.

He then treats everyone to a vegan meal. Not that he prepared it himself, of course (although he did consider faking it by putting it in pots, which was hilarious), he got a friend to cook for them, but it all looks spectacularly delicious - roasted wild mushroom leek and fennel salad, tomatoes and basil salad, broccolini with pine nuts, and cauliflower. Gawd that makes me hungry, it all looks fantastic. He points out that colourful food is healthy food, that's where all the nutrients are. He remarks that he's been all around the country and seen a lot of beige food, which is not the way to go. (Take note, audience at home!)

Bob then asks people what dinner at their houses look like. Lisa points out that there's a pizza place near their house where they can get a large pizza to feed the family for five bucks. Bob admits that he can't compete with that, but good food (like a bag of beans or whole wheat pasta) is also inexpensive. But he says that Lisa, as a parent, has a responsibility to teach her kids how to eat properly, and he tells her the kids are worth more than a $5 pizza. He knows she's tired, but she can do things to help the kids more. Lisa is jazzed to show her kids how to eat healthily. Everyone's very enthusiastic about the vegan meal, and thank Bob for his hospitality. They all clink their water glasses.

Back at the ranch, Burgandy has been experiencing shin pain for a while now, and finally went to Dr. H. Turns out she has severe tendonitis. She gets a boot to take stress off the bone and immobilize the tendon. But she's out of the elimination challenge. Dr. H. doesn't care much about the yellow line thing, he's more concerned about Burgandy's long-term health, and gets all Dr. McCoy on her ass: "I don't take care of the yellow line, I'm a doctor!"

So Burgandy is therefore automatically up for elimination. They still need to do an elimination challenge, though, because she needs to have someone else with her so people can decide whom to vote for. Meanwhile, Frado has decided to save Jessica from the elimination challenge because she came so close to making it over the yellow line. She is really grateful. Therefore, we have Mark, Jesse, Lisa and Elizabeth duking it out over...carpet! No, not that kind of carpet, you gutter-minded people (although that would be an interesting challenge of...uh...endurance and...er...dexterity ;). I'm talking about actual carpet. They each have 300ft length of carpet (weighing over 900lbs) rolled up on a big SQUARE tube (the square part making it damn hard to roll, of course) which they have to unroll over the length of some kind of massive sports arena. Then they have to run back and push their button to indicate they're finished. Last one to push their button is up for elimination with Burgandy.

Mark takes an early lead and stays there. Jesse comes in second, so it's down to Lisa and Elizabeth. Elizabeth struggles the whole time because she has a hard time getting a bounce momentum going with the tube. Lisa loses steam near the end because she gets her carpet off-course, but ends up saving herself, encouraging Elizabeth to keep going as she runs back to her button. Elizabeth refuses to give up the whole time and fights, even when she gets her foot stuck under the thing. Mark, Jesse and Lisa then come out to encourage her into finishing, which she does with fantastic, screaming energy. She seems genuinely happy about how she did, which is great.

Personally, I like Elizabeth a lot better than Burgandy (whom I find a bit annoying), but I think Elizabeth has a better shot of succeeding at home. I keep thinking of Burgandy and her military wife-ness and her five children and her foster children, and her having an autistic child as well, and I just cannot imagine where she's going to get the time to work out.

No one else is thinking along these lines, though, because only Ada votes to keep Burgandy around. However, it turns out that I needn't have worried. Burgandy incorporates fitness into her life and takes her kids with her when she does it. As a result, she's down to 180lbs, which gives her a BMI of 30.9. That's very close to being down to just overweight. So she's doing very well indeed. She also seems to be running a community walking club kind of thing, which she seems really good at. Also, she's looking great. Burgandy is a pretty lady.

Ali then springs a surprise on the remaining contestants. The house is empty by one more person...for the moment. But behind them on a balcony are the five contestants that didn't make it out of the city challenges: Montina, Anna, Corey, Sandy and Shanna. All with arms folded and looking fierce, as no doubt instructed by the producers.

A-ha! I knew we'd be seeing those guys again! This of course explains why the show ditched two people this week - to make room for one more.

Next week: (SPOILERS)

TV Guide: Players who didn't make the initial cut for a spot on the ranch return to weigh in, and the person with the highest percentage of weight loss wins entry into the competition. Later, the contestants are split into blue and black teams and compete in a food-trivia challenge in downtown Los Angeles.

Predictions:

• Mark and Patrick could drop below 350lbs
• Jessica could drop below 250lbs
• Elizabeth could hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Aaron, Jesse, Patrick and Brendan could hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Elizabeth, Lisa and Jessica could hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Ada, Frado, Mark, Jesse, Brendan and Adam could hit the 15% mark of total loss
• Aaron could move from super-obese to morbidly obese
• Ada could move from clinically obese to obese

Standings

#	loss %	total loss %	lbs lost	total lbs lost	BMI
1	Frado (5.93)	Rick (15.14)	Frado (20)	Mark (60)	Ada (36.2)
2	Ada (4.27)	Mark (14.25)	Aaron (12)	Adam (56)	Burgandy (36.6)
3	Brendan (3.37)	Adam (13.93)	Brendan (11)	Rick (53)	Elizabeth (38.3)
4	Rick (2.94)	Frado (13.62)	Ada, Adam, Patrick (10)	Frado (50)	Sophia (39.2)
5	Adam (2.81)	Ada (13.18)		Aaron (49)	Lisa (39.5)
6	Aaron (2.78)	Jesse (13.01)		Jesse (48)	Jessica (39.8)
7	Patrick (2.73)	Brendan (12.98)	Rick (9)	Brendan (47)	Brendan (42.7)
8	Jessica (2.68)	Patrick (11.00)	Jesse, Mark (8)	Patrick (44)	Frado (43.0)
9	Elizabeth, Lisa (2.62)	Aaron (10.47)		Ada (34)	Rick (43.9)
10		Jessica (9.93)	Jessica, Lisa (7)	Jessica, Lisa (28)	Adam (44.4)
11	Jesse (2.43)	Lisa (9.72)			Mark (45.1)
12	Burgandy (2.29)	Elizabeth (8.61)	Elizabeth (6)	Sophia (22)	Patrick (45.7)
13	Mark (2.17)	Sophia (8.09)	Burgandy (5)	Elizabeth (21)	Jesse (48.8)
14	Sophia (0.79)	Burgandy (7.79)	Sophia (2)	Burgandy (18)	Aaron (51.0)

Selfish is good

(This is an incredibly late recap of the October 5 show.)

We must immediately flash back to last week so that the viewership can understand what's going on. The most important message is that THIS SEASON IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER SEASONS SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD DON'T CHANGE THAT DIAL. The yellow line at weigh-ins is around the halfway mark. This drops a ton of people below, which means we need an elimination challenge so people can fight to stay out of the elimination room. Also, the first weigh-in did not go well for the ladies. Finally, it came down to Allie and Tina. Tina begged tearfully to stay and was kept, leaving Allie terrified of going home.

So what's happening now? What a great question! Could there be...drama??? Patrick interviews that things are TENSE. People are upset and aggravated. The concept of eliminating contestants every week is finally starting to sink in and people are feeling a little stunned. Brendan continues to have one of the hairiest torsos I've ever seen.

Having survived the elimination, Tina is feeling really guilty about having begged to stay over Allie. Lisa interviews that she's really bummed that Allie is gone. And Ada says there are "whispers" going around the house that Tina actually now wants to go home.

Seems like the whispers are true! Tina addresses the entire house and thanks them for keeping her, but then breaks into tears. Almost incomprehensibly (what with all the crying), she confesses that she has guilt, says that her begging to stay was "being all screwed up", and says she's going to ask to go home today.

The hell?

Look, chickie, going home now is not going to bring Allie back! She was already eliminated, her plane has probably touched down in Oklahoma by now, you're not doing ANYBODY any favours by going home, you're just giving up on yourself.

Frado sums my feelings up nicely by telling Tina she's being selfish and she needs to take advantage of the opportunity. Moreover, he says, as Rick nods in agreement, her responsibility is to honour Allie and stay. Brendan also points out, quite rightly, that going home the day after the elimination makes no sense. Tina claims she just doesn't want to bring anybody down, which makes even LESS sense. If she's a weak link that's guaranteed to be below the yellow line, she would actually bump everyone else UP one position. I'm thinking Tina just isn't too bright. Brendan also calls her selfish. Rick, that wise and perceptive paternal figure, asks her if there's anything at home that she wants to go back for. Tina reveals that right before she came on the show, she withdrew $16K from her retirement fund to take her entire family on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.

Ah.

Okay, NOW her actions are making sense.

This doesn't change much, though - the rest of the house is still flabbergasted that she wouldn't want to be here. But wait, there's even more flabber to gast! Lisa says that Allie going home has shortened HER stay in the house, because she believes Allie can't lose weight at home and she wants to go home so she can help Allie to do it.

The hell?

Patrick, again expressing my feelings beautifully, interviews that that's absurd. However, Lisa has certainly been effective in taking the heat off Tina, because now everyone concentrates on pointing out how ridiculous LISA is being. Seriously, Lisa? Your mothering complex is THAT BAD that you are willing to throw away a lifetime, life-changing opportunity and sacrifice yourself for some young woman that you only met, what, a month ago? What about Lisa's kids, Frado asks. Lisa has no answer, she just says that she and Allie can do this together because they live just ten miles apart. Elizabeth points out that Lisa needs to take care of herself. Lisa isn't listening. Like, at all. Frado shakes his head pityingly in an interview. Jessica offers to help the both of them pack.

So the show sends Bob in to handle All Teh Drama. When he finds out what's happening, he calls bullshit and tells Tina she's not ready to go home and that every person here is just as deserving to stay as everyone else. He reflects that the first elimination always makes everyone crazy. His cure is to take them all to the gym. No Jillian, just Bob, and it will be a major circuit workout. In fact, from now on, ALL workouts have to be insane because weigh-ins can obviously apparently at any moment. Adam senses impending doom.

Adam interviews that he thinks Bob is on a mission to find out if anyone else is feeling less than totally committed to this process. Case in point: Bob threatens to break Jesse's legs and beat him with them. Much sweat is exuded. We get a bit of focus on Patrick and hear again that his purpose for being here is his children. Who, I might say, are really cute. :) Elizabeth's focus is to be healthy so she can do things she loves, like dancing.

Moans. Falls. Puking. Yells. Sweat. Etc.

Great line from Burgandy: "Bob crushes you into dust and then asks you to enjoy it."

But it works, because Lisa walks out of the gym that day feeling good about herself.

Bob is also having the same problem with Brendan as I have with my older daughter getting ready in the mornings: he's not going fast enough and is hoping to take advantage of Bob's inattention to go slower. Bob channels my parenting and calls him on his shit.

Frado interviews macho-ly that Bob gave him the toughest workout of his life...and he's been in the Marine Corps and played football, dammit, so you KNOW that Bob's a goddamn hardass. Rick gets amused in an interview about how loud Frado is in the gym. He sure does yell. :) He also, with classic military mindset, refuses to talk back to Bob. It's Bob's gym, and Bob is in charge.

Sadly, Jesse has no such mindset. "You got something to say to me, Jesse?" Bob asks him. "I don't have shit to say to you, Bob," replies Jesse as he walks away to a stair machine. Bob's eyes go wide with disbelief. Jesse starts whining about how things are hard for him, while Bob demands respect. Jesse apologizes. But it's too late. In return for Jesse's bad behaviour, Bob decides not to give everyone the easier thing he was planning for them to do. Naturally, this makes Jesse feel like crap, especially since he really does respect Bob a lot.

Tina shows Bob pictures of her kids and grandchildren. Oh, says Bob, she's such a nurturer. But how can you take care of others if you don't take care of yourself? We also find out that Tina's daughter is enormous and has diabetes and other obesity-related health problems. Her daughter tried out for the show but it's Tina who's here. (Geez. If I were Tina, I would be happy to stay on the ranch, rather than going home and risking my kid coming after me with a shotgun because I screwed her up so badly.) Bob talks to her about not giving up, and tells her that she does have strength, and she needs to be here so she can pay it forward to her daughter. Tina decides that she owes it to her daughter to stay.

Yeah, I don't buy it. Tina's just an emotional see-saw.

Meanwhile, Jillian is (predictably) really pissed off because almost all the women were below the yellow line last week. Bob's not particularly happy about it, either. Jillian takes the girls outside and tells them this is unacceptable and she does not want this season to be a jockfest. Well, maybe Jillian, if you didn't call them GIRLS all the time, and maybe started referring them as WOMEN, so that they could internall DEFINE themselves as such, they'd start kicking a little more ASS? Just a suggestion there.

Tennis, anyone? The show has brought in Anna Kournikova. Burgandy is very excited. The camera assists with Anna's entrance by slowing down and softening up, and the Biggest Loser crew brings out a wind machine for her hair, and we get an interview with Mark telling us that all the male contestants were especially gobsmacked. Jesse also tells us that she is "slammin' hot". Apparently, Anna could teach him calligraphy and he would be riveted. (As a calligrapher, I find calligraphy very interesting, and I take exception to that statement. Unfortunately, I suspect that Jesse's backup "most boring activity ever" would have been knitting, which I'm also obsessed with, so either way, I must be the world's dullest recapper.) At any rate, in case you didn't notice, the point here is that Anna Kournikova is hot.

Anna tells us that the most important thing is to always keep your feet moving and your heartrate up. Adam had no idea that tennis was so demanding. Brendan interviews that it's a great workout and is much more fun than the gym. Anna was inspired by the contestants and hopes she inspired them, too. Turns out she inspired Brendan to hug her for an inappropriately long length of time and comment on how great she smells. Fantastic, now she has a hairy-backed stalker.

Bonus video: Cardio tennis! In which the point is not to be good at tennis, but to burn calories. (Okay, then, I'm in. I SUCK at tennis.) Rick (whom she calls Richard, which I bet thrills him no end) gets a hug from Anna. Aaron is a big fan, so this is a dream come true. She demonstrates hopping side-to-side to Brendan and all he does is look at her ass. He admits in an interview that it was very hard to concentrate with her around. Jesse plans a proposal. Burgandy feels likes she's in her element. Ali thanks Anna for coming and Anna is deluged with sweaty hugs. By golly, she's a good sport.

But wait, the fun is not finished, there's a challenge! The prize is immunity at this week's weigh-in. Everybody gets a cylinder and has to fill up other people's tubes with tennis balls they have to run onto the court and get. Once your tube is full, you're out.

Brendan's goal is to avoid giving balls to Frado or Patrick, as the three of them have an alliance. Frado just wants to give balls to Tina. And he's not alone - everyone gets in on the action. Adam defines this as "making Tina earn her spot". Tina receives the message. The next target is Burgandy, who apparently was talking about taking all the men out first, so Brendan wants her gone. Burgandy doesn't quite know why she was targeted, but chooses to believe it's because she's viewed as a threat. (Um, honey? No.) Sophia, Ada, Lisa, Aaron, and Adam are next to go. Things are getting tough and gruelling for the remaining players as Elizabeth is taken out, and then Rick, Mark, Jessica, and Jesse. Unsurprisingly, it's the three-man alliance of Frado, Patrick and Brendan left standing. Adam remarks that maybe they have some kind of agreement? (Good call, Adam. I'll be interested in seeing where you go with that line of thinking over the next few weeks.)

Finally, it's Frado with immunity. In triumph, he yells. (No surprise.) He vows not to take it as a free ride and will continue his intensity in the gym.

Oh, and hey, surprise! Weigh-in tomorrow! Rick tells us that the contestants have been completely wrong so far in predicting what will happen next, so they might as well give up trying.

Super-secret meeting of the three-man alliance! And Patrick makes absolutely sure that it will be super-secret by sticking his head out the door and making sure the hallway is TOTALLY CLEAR before going back inside whoever's bedroom they're meeting in. (Yeah. Like if anyone happened to see him do that, they would NEVER GUESS that something was going on.)

Bonus video: more footage of the super-secret meeting. Brendan admits that he's sort of dumb as sand, but he's got street smarts, dammit. Also, people have apparently been trying to listen to their super-secret meetings. Patrick interprets this to mean that people are scared of them. (Gawd, what are these, people, five?) Brendan suggests coming up with a strategy to vote specific people out, but Frado would rather just work hard in the gym and keep each other safe. Brendan points out that that's great, but there are going to be weeks where, y'know...which I guess means that there will be weeks where the opportunity will present itself to eliminate serious threats (Mark immediately springs to my mind, for instance). Brendan defines Frado as a tough Marine and Patrick defines himself as a country bumpkin. Frado welcomes him to the city. :)

Nothing really interesting happens, except that they all tell each other how great they all think each other is. Oh, and they promise to make sure that no one finds out what they've got going on. Fist-bumps ensue.

And now, the Dreaded Second Weigh-in (introduced by Jillian, who is still not over the lack of female achievement on the scale), where people typically throw up very low numbers. And indeed, my weight predictions this week are based on subtracting an entire percentage point from people's weekly average so far (remembering that last week's weigh-in occurred TWO weeks after the initial weigh-in, so I divided last week's results by two to get "average"), and my predictions kicked some serious ASS. I guessed exactly right for several people.

(Yes, I'm tooting my own horn. Shut up, it's my blog. Besides, being selfish is good.)

Milestones achieved:

• Mark hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Patrick hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Adam, Mark and Jesse hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Sophia moved from being morbidly obese to clinically obese

Frado's number was particularly bad, with just a 3lb loss. He pretends that he feels bad, but come on, he totally waterloaded. A good week to do it, since the Dreaded Second Weigh-in provides an excellent screen for bad numbers. Even Jillian is taken in, saying that she doesn't think Frado is a game-playing type of person. (Oh, Jillian, what charming naivete.) But he practically admits it in an interview.

I should go on record here to say that I don't think badly of anyone for waterloading when they have immunity. It is an extremely smart move, it makes total sense, and actually I think it would be silly NOT to do it. Artificially raising your weight by drinking a bunch of water when your weight loss doesn't matter one week means that you will have a fantastic number at the next weigh-in once the water is out of your system and you've had another week of working out and eating right. So getting immunity one week is actually like getting immunity for two, if you play it right. Frado played it right. I have no qualms. I just wish people would be more honest and not pretend that they're not doing it.

The ladies do somewhat better than last week, but not a whole lot - this time there are two of them above the line instead of just one. (Notice that the only female who's been above the line both times is Ada. I am starting to love her. Sadly, she still has no love for herself. But hopefully we'll get around to fixing that soon.)

Adam, as the biggest loser of the week, gets to save someone. Burgandy, who lost just a pound this week, pleads her case to him for staying, and he looks like he's seriously considering it.

After a product placement and Tina telling Bob she actually now wants to stay (see-saw!), we have a workout. Bob promises Aaron - who is very frustrated at dropping below the line - that they're going to fix things. Jillian kicks the guys' asses. Bob reflects on the need to not beat the crap out of the contestants who need to participate in the elimination challenge, since they need to be fresh for the challenge. My husband remarks how that sucks, since people who fall below the line would then get a substandard workout and run an even greater risk of falling below the line the following week.

Bob uses the workout to try and teach Lisa to be selfish. She cries and Bob tells her he sees something special in her. Oh, also, he mentions the pay-it-forward theme again.

Bonus video: Adam marvels at all the alliancing and gameplaying that's starting to go on - why not just do your best and work out? But of course he has a gameplay-related decision to make about whom to save from the elimination challenge. Lisa reassures him that she doesn't expect the pass just because they're good friends. Plus, Bob gave her An Epiphany, so everything's cool. "I don't know what I'm gonna do," Adam reflects as she leans on his shoulder. "I mean about lunch," he then clarifies. Okay, that was funny. :)

Aaron's workout has him thinking about getting rid of his losing attitude. This makes him start to think about how maybe he should fight for himself. So he asks Adam to consider saving him. This is kind of a breakthrough realisation for Aaron, asking for help, that's pretty good. And it makes a difference, because Adam does end up choosing to save Aaron.

The elimination challenge is to dig through four massive piles of sand (one pile at a time) looking for a brass ring. Whoever finds the brass ring in a pile first is safe from elimination, and the remaining people at risk have to move to the next pile and dig again. By the end of it, there will be two players without rings, and they will be the players up for elimination. Brendan does a lot of whining about how he deserves a ring and can't believe he hasn't found a ring, and how he uncovered a ring, but Sophia grabbed the ring, and ring ring ring waa waa waa...suck it up boy, dig!

Once all the dust, er, sand, clears, the two people on the block are Lisa and Tina. Burgandy notes the poetic justice that the two people who said they wanted to go home at the beginning of the week are the two up for elimination. Lisa makes a heartfelt plea, saying that for a while she was wanting to go home to her kids and wasn't really working hard, but she now knows she's not ready and needs to stay. Brendan is unmoved, he calls bullshit. Tina simply says that she worked hard and it's up to the rest of them. She doesn't put much effort into her case, which disgusts Adam. He doesn't seem to be alone in these feelings, because Tina gets the boot without Lisa even receiving a single vote.

Back at home, Tina is continuing to fight the good fight and has helped her daughter lose a bunch of weight, too - 85lbs! Tina is down to 205lbs, which is a BMI of 32.1, so she's now merely obese. Tina wants her and her daughter to come on the finale together on stage.

Next week:

Look for the following milestones:

• Adam could drop below the 350lb mark
• Rick could drop below the 300lb mark
• Sophia could drop below the 250lb mark
• Elizabeth could drop below the 225lb mark
• Ada, Sophia, Tina, Lisa and Jessica could hit the 25lb mark of total loss
• Aaron, Rick, Jesse and Adam could hit the 50lb mark of total loss
• Aaron, Tina, Patrick, Brendan, Frado, Jessica and Ada could hit the 10% mark of total loss
• Adam, Rick and Mark could hit the 15% mark of total loss
• Jesse could move from being super-obese to morbidly obese
• Jessica and Lisa could move from being morbidly obese to clinically obese

Standings

#	loss %	total loss %	lbs lost	total lbs lost	BMI
1	Adam (3.26)	Rick (12.57)	Adam, Patrick (12)	Mark (52)	Burgandy (37.4)
2	Patrick (3.17)	Mark (12.35)		Adam (46)	Ada (37.8)
3	Jesse (2.95)	Adam (11.44)	Mark (11)	Rick (44)	Tina (38.1)
4	Mark (2.89)	Jesse (10.84)	Jesse (10)	Jesse (40)	Elizabeth (39.3)
5	Jessica (2.61)	Brendan (9.94)	Rick (8)	Aaron (37)	Sophia (39.5)
6	Rick (2.55)	Ada (9.30)	Aaron, Jessica (7)	Brendan (36)	Lisa (40.6)
7	Ada (2.50)	Patrick (8.50)		Patrick (34)	Jessica (40.9)
8	Sophia (2.33)	Frado (8.17)	Ada, Sophia (6)	Frado (30)	Brendan (44.2)
9	Lisa (1.84)	Aaron (7.91)		Ada (24)	Rick (45.2)
10	Tina (1.62)	Tina (7.60)	Brendan, Lisa (5)	Jessica, Lisa (21)	Frado (45.7)
11	Aaron (1.60)	Jessica (7.45)			Adam (45.7)
12	Brendan (1.51)	Sophia (7.35)	Tina (4)	Sophia, Tina (20)	Mark (46.1)
13	Elizabeth (1.29)	Lisa (7.29)	Elizabeth, Frado (3)		Patrick (47.0)
14	Frado (0.88)	Elizabeth (6.15)		Elizabeth (15)	Jesse (50.0)
15	Burgandy (0.46)	Burgandy (5.63)	Burgandy (1)	Burgandy (13)	Aaron (52.5)