Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/17

So everyone's sent home for the whole week. Many reunions, all incredibly vorklemptness-provoking. I loved how in love Helen and her husband are. I am still rewinding and replaying the moment that Sione's wife first laid eyes on him. Her expression was hilaaarious, and clearly said "OMG! I get to hit that! Squee!" :) Finally, we have the most emotional reunion of all at the Morelli household. Ron's wife's delight over Mike was just delicious to see. But Max's face when he saw Mike was heartbreaking. And he full-on broke into the ugly cry. Poor, poor boy. I felt so bad for him, and just wanted to reach through the television and give him a big ol' there-there hug. But it's so heartwarmingly obvious that he is so loved and so supported by his family, I have every confidence that he will be able to turn things around for himself with his father and brother there by his side.

General observations:

  • Filipe in a tie actually makes him appear thicker than he is. Not a good look.
  • Seeing how seriously tall Tara's brother is suddenly made her "thing" for Dane (6'4") and Blaine (6'8") make more sense. I now think it's a fraternal thing, not a romantic thing.
  • I think Laura's mom is super-elegant.
  • Mike totally gets his looks from his mom. Ron's looks clearly went to Max.

After the reunions, it's straight to the challenge. Doorbells ring, and contestants answer them only to find that the Biggest Loser producers have set bags of manure on fire and left them on the contestant's porches. Er, wait, no, sorry, make that tins of sugar cookies and DVDs. (Same diff.) As Laura bends down to pick up her challenge tin, DH uttered these fateful words: "OMG, I did NOT need to know that Laura wears a g-string." Seriously, guys. If you taped or PVRed the episode, take another look at that five-second snippet. Total thong shot. Plumbers could learn a thing or two about butt revelation from this girl. ;););)

So anyhoo, the challenge is a half-marathon. Which I didn't think would be an impossible challenge for these people, who have been steadily building fitness for two and a half months. Worst case scenario, I figured they were all capable of at least walking for several straight hours, except for Ron and his poor knees.

But we also have the potential monkey wrench of those sugar cookies. Which don't look that appealing, I have to be honest with you, but whatever. Sione, as usual, has the best attitude about the challenge vs. cookie thing. I also think that Tara really made the right decision to not eat cookies, because really, there was no point. She had to know that anyone who ate cookies would pile minutes up on her, so she had no chance, really, and might as well eat right and just do her personal best.

Observations about the challenge:

  • Laura's face is FINALLY starting to show changes. Most contestants really show weight loss in their faces at this point, but Laura's hasn't been, she still had a "fat face", which I found distressing, because it didn't match with the mass she was losing off the rest of her body, and furthered the (false) impression that she was a weak contestant. But now things are starting to sleek up a bit around her jowls and cheekbones. Yay.
  • I've decided that Filipe is the lovechild of Mario van Peebles and Dwane Johnson. Who's with me?
  • Look at Filipe's wife smacking his ass during the run! That's some serious cuteness right there.
  • I felt really bad when Sione went down 200 yards from the finish. So not fair.
  • Tara's mom's vorklemptness watching her daughter do the half-marathon was awesome. She was totally overcome.
  • I got seriously vorklempt watching the final bits of the run from Tara and Sione. Oh hell, everybody's finishes welled me up, actually.
  • Why the HELL did they get Aubrey to run outside in frickin' WINTER?!?
  • I was so damn impressed when Helen came third. But I was even more gobsmacked when Cathy came FIFTH! Stunning!

When they played that Special K commercial where the woman can't fasten the button on her jeans, DH quipped, "Just take a PISS!"

General observations about the time at home.

  • Aubrey's father is frickin' enormous. Like, I think worse BMI than Dan enormous. Very sad. I don't think he has any sense of self-worth (which would explain Aubrey, I think). And I don't think Aubrey took the right tone with him. I really hope he can get it together.
  • Aubrey! Pancakes? Eggs? SAUSAGE?!? Are you frickin' kidding me? No wonder you lost only 2 pounds while you were home last time!
  • Look at Kristin being the Bob!
  • Gawd! We cannot even get away from the product shilling when they're off the ranch!
  • Yay Helen with the changing of ways.
  • I adore Kristin's hat and scarf set. Seriously cute.
  • Aubrey's husband was so sweet interviewing about how into her he was. However, I firmly believe he has to translate that love into helping her the fuck out with the house and the children. I mean, come on. Even when she was home last time and trying to interview for the show, you could hear the children running amok and then she said "Forget it," and stopped the interview to deal with whatever havok the kids were wreaking. All evidence to me that the dude needs to step up.

Anyway, so Sione wins the challenge, thanks to the woman who sugar-cookied against a TEAMMATE in favour of a teammate who freakin' crossed the gym floor! This show is unbelievable. Helen is such a gameplayer. I love her, but she's such a gameplayer. And I am still trying to figure out why nobody sugar-cookied Sione. Did they all lose their minds?!?

Sione SERIOUSLY needs to buy Helen something pretty.

So back at the ranch, we are now at the point in the season when they do retrospectives of people from the beginning of the show vs. now. I LOVE this part, seriously lovelovelove it. Glee! And hey, is it just me, or is Mike really starting to remind people of Daniel Radcliffe? His face looks awesome, he's so cuuute! (DH sez: "He is going to get laid SO much at university." Dude, I called that last week. ;)

On the good news front:

  • Tara and Aubrey break the 200lb mark
  • Aubrey passes the 50lb total weightloss mark
  • Ron passes the 100lb total weightloss mark (I was so delighted to see him have a good week)
  • Aubrey passes the 20% total weightloss mark
  • Mike passes the 30% total weightloss mark
  • Helen moves from obese to overweight

I was so sad for Cathy and Kristin, though. Especially Kristin. She just really can't seem to do it at home, can she? :(

Other general weigh-in observations

  • OMG. As long as Sione stays in the house, I am going to seriously enjoy weigh-ins! He looks fine. (Note: my husband is also tremendously fine. However, I feel no guilt about admiring the aesthetic qualities of other men.)
  • So apparently the weigh-in was just one big opportunity for Jillian to tell America that she's the best thing ever.
  • How sweet were Mike and Ron together after Ron's triumph on the scale? I LOVE THAT FAMILY.

Very weird decision in the elimination room, though. I'm really not sure why Cathy decided to take the bullet, because I don't see how Kristin was at risk. Three original-Bob's-team members against one original-Jillian's-team member, kinda made it look like a slam dunk against Aubrey. Even if there was a tie and Black got to choose who went home, there are four original-Bob's-team members on Black vs. two original-Jillian's-team, and Aubrey would very likely have been gone, too. So it seems to me that Cathy's best decision as far as helping Kristin was concerned would've been to keep herself in the game so they could continue to be a voting block. All I can think of is that Cathy decided to be more fair-minded about whom to send home rather than thinking about keeping Kristin there as long as possible. Weird, but definitely nice for Aubrey.

Back at home, we see that Cathy has lost an additional 26 pounds, for a total overall weightloss percentage of 26.62%. All power to her. Also, I deeply covet her necklace, it was gorgeous.

Next week, look for the following potential milestones:

  • Filipe, Kristin, Sione and Tara could all pass 100lb of total weightloss
  • Ron could pass the 25% total weightloss mark
  • Helen could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
  • Tara could pass the one-third total weightloss mark

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

Canoe: The contestants meet NASCAR driver Clint Bowyer; ``Biggest Loser'' records are broken at a weigh-in.
TV Guide: The players pull cars loaded with extra weight assigned to them by their teammates in a challenge featuring NASCAR's Clint Bowyer. Later, the teams are dissolved, leaving the contestants to compete as singles; a player breaks a record at the weigh-in.

Then, the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

Past winners Ali Vincent and Michelle Aguilar return to the ranch to take over hosting duties from Ali Sweeney. Elsewhere, new arrivals change the competition; a player suffers a medical setback; a balance challenge suspends the contestants over a pool; and Bob holds last-chance workouts at the beach.

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