Wednesday, March 04, 2009

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/03

What. The.
Was that?

Bite me, Biggest Loser producers! I tune in every week for RESULTS, not manufactured drama! I do not need any stupid "to be continued" message on my screen because your editors are so incompetent that they think two minutes of recap filler after every commercial break (because we're all obviously too stupid to remember where we left off a whole three minutes ago) is more important than editing the show properly so that we can see what actually HAPPENED.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ohmmm...

We open with a weird recap-slash-sneak-peek montage, in which we see Filipe completely and utterly lose it. It appears that he's upset about a lack of attention from Jillian during the workouts. Since this scene didn't show up this week, I have to assume it takes place in a future episode, which is a pretty good indicator that, whatever the results are for this week, they don't involve Filipe going home. Yay that - I really like Filipe.

So after the montage (which was yet another time-filler preventing us from having the time to see results this week; yes, I'm bitter), we see the fallout from last week's elimination. Tara tells it like it is to Mandi and Aubrey about how dumb it was to split their votes. (And I happen to agree with her.) In response, Mandi goes off and squeaks for a while in registers only dogs can hear about how doomed she is. I wish someone would slap her upside the head and point out to her that she has the lowest BMI in the house, not to mention THE best-looking midriff, no contest. I mean, really - her results are awesome. She needs to grab herself by the scruff of the neck and shake vigorously until some self-confidence spatters all over her.

So then we see our dear friend Rocco getting the contestants to make disgusting faces over the food they used to eat before they experienced The Great Conversion To The Way Of The Weight Loss. Then everybody gets to come up with low-fat versions of typical fast food menu items, and I gotta say that some of the visuals and descriptions of those foods? WANT. And the Ron/Mike pizza-off was hilaaarious.

Just as an aside, I'm really glad that they seem to have replaced "temptations" with these "pop challenges". It sends a much better message. And Laura wins the extra vote in elimination this week. It's not going to help her, because it's still three votes for Jillian's old team vs. four votes for Bob's old team if Black goes into elimination, but it makes her happy anyway.

Also, the black team TOTALLY deserved the water spritzing. I LOVE how the whole house gets along so well.

Blue team got a treat this week: shadow boxing with Sugar Ray Leonard. Aubrey was SO CUTE when she realised who it was in the gym.

Then we get good news from Dr. H. for a lot of folks. But I'm a bit worried, because although they played up the good news for Ron, it overall sounded like things were still pretty bad. :(

Jillian works out her team with a focus on Sione, and he sprains his ankle. This worries me. Of course, it's good that it was the best kind of sprain to get if you're going to get a sprain, but it still sucks.

And then, the challenge: packing up boxes of food for food banks. We learn that when Aubrey had her first two children, she was single and desperate and had to get food from a food bank, so this challenge is particularly meaningful to her. The fact that the prize is free groceries for a year and letters from home only make it more important to her to win the challenge, since she has five children (as we are constantly reminded). Fair enough. The teams are uneven, so one person on the black team has to sit it out. I thought that would be a no-brainer: cut out Sione, give his sprain a chance to heal. But no, they cut LAURA, which I thought was unbelievably weird.

Anyway, Black wins AGAIN and totally whoops it up while Aubrey weeps into her sister's arms. Hey, Filipe, where are your righeous comments now about not lording a win over someone who deserved it more? Hmmm?

But all is set to rights the next day when Mike does the best thing ever and gives his groceries prize to Aubrey. I loved Mandi's face when Aubrey announced it to her team. Ron didn't seem surprised, though, which makes me think he suggested the idea to Mike in the first place? Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, Ron gets big kudos for raising such a fine son, and yours truly goes completely vorklempt. I love these guys.

Finally, last chance workout, where Jillian screws up. Tired of Laura's constant reversion into the role of victim/weakling (which I totally agree is a huge problem), Jillian attempts to prove to Laura that she's not weak by getting the entire Black team to tell her that they think Laura's the weak link on their team. Uh huh. Sorry, where were you going with that, Jillian? Oh yes, you were trying to make the point that Laura MAKES everyone think she's weak, but she's actually strong. Too bad Laura got overwhelmed with sadness and humiliation before you could get to that rather crucial element of your argument.

Here's an idea, Jillian: maybe you should have pointed out all of Laura's successes (and there are many, no doubt about that) FIRST; and THEN contrasted them against her team's perception of her. THAT would have been constructive. But the way you did it was just mean. I know you were trying to do something totally different, but you did it horribly wrong and undermined Laura's trust. Way to go. Bad trainer. No cookie for you.

One thing that was great to see throughout the episode was that most people's faces and jawlines are really showing the differences. One contrast that was particularly shocking was the flashback during the Dr. H. happiness session to Tara's initial weigh-in. Big wow there.

So the "feed America" love-fest continues with the announcement that for every pound the contestants lose this week, The Biggest Loser will donate 100 pounds of food to food banks. It's also announced that everybody's weighing in TOGETHER, which is very, very cool. I think it was Mike who said it, that this was what weigh-ins SHOULD be about: everybody doing their very best and helping each other out to get EVERYONE to the goal. So the deal this week is that if the combined weight loss of everyone on the ranch exceeds one pound of weight loss per day per person (i.e. more than 77 total pounds lost among everyone), then EVERYONE will be safe. But if that target is not met, one person from EACH team is going home. (Incidentally, that means the target is a combined weight loss percentage of about 2.5%.)

That said, we begin the weigh-in. Some disappointing results this week, particularly from Cathy and Sione, who each lost just 3 pounds. But a lot of other people do very well indeed, particularly Mandi, who lost 3.94% with her 8 pounds (which traditionally would give her immunity if her team goes to elimination), and Tara, who lost an holy-crap-unbelievable 11 pounds, or 5.21% (again, this would traditionally bestow immunity if her team goes to elimination, unless Mike loses 16 pounds and beats her percentage, which would mean she's safe anyway since that number from Mike would give everybody immunity).

Some great milestones this week:

  • Mandi dropped below 200lbs
  • Aubrey went from being clinically obese to obese
  • Mandi and Tara moved from being obese to overweight (!!!)
  • Laura and Ron passsed the 20% total weight loss mark
  • Kristin has lost exactly 25% of her bodyweight since starting the show
  • Mandi passed the 25% total weight loss mark
  • Tara passed the 30% total weight loss mark

Finally, we're left with one contestant to weigh in: Mike. And he has to lose at least 10 pounds for everybody to be safe. And his last three week weight loss numbers have been at least 10 pounds each. Will he hit a wall and DOOM everyone, sending TWO people home? (Which would be so unfair, since if it does happen, it'll be Mike that is perceived as letting everyone down, when it'd be more fair to place the blame on Cathy, Sione and Ron for pulling less than 2% losses this week.)

Can I just ask? What the HELL is up with constantly putting the weight of the world on this poor kid's shoulders? My heart just about broke watching his face as he realised it was all up to him and he needed a two-figure number. And then - a total kick in the nuts - we don't even get to SEE what happens until next week.

Or, will Mike lose 10 (or more) pounds, pass the 25% total weight loss mark, pass the 100lb total weight loss mark, and maybe even get his BMI down from morbidly obese to clinically obese? Only next week's show will tell.

So let's look ahead to next week and see what kind of milestones we might expect at the NEXT weigh-in, assuming any of these people are still on the ranch at that point:

  • Aubrey and Tara could both drop below 200 pounds
  • Helen and Filipe could hit the 25% total weight loss mark
  • Aubrey could hit a total weight loss of 50lbs
  • Tara could hit a total weight loss of 100lbs

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The team that wins a 24-hour fitness relay is promised 24 hours of luxury, but some contestants are unable to resist temptation; one contestant has it out with the trainer; one contestant is eliminated.

"One contestant is eliminated"? Is this a hint as to how Mike did? Because if he didn't get 10 pounds or more, then wouldn't it say that THREE contestants are eliminated (two from this week's weigh-in, one from next week's)? Or are they just talking about the next weigh-in? Man, I hate this crap.

Also, I'm guessing that "one contestant has it out with the trainer" is that Filipe-and-Jillian thing from the montage at the beginning of the show. Who knows what'll go down with that.

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