Awesome video from Week 10

(Be sure to watch for Mike's seriously cute abashed look right at the end when Alison makes a comment to him. It's totally a "*GASP*, the pretty lady's talking to me!" expression. :)

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/24

After panicking a bit that The Biggest Loser was going to be pre-empted by American Presidential Stuff, DH reassured me that we were merely going to go to bed an hour later than usual. (Great.)

So the tattered remnants of the Blue team return to the house, and Black looks completely confused that Aubrey's still around. Join the club, guys - I still have no idea why Cathy sacrificed herself. I thought it was really lovely that Tara was the first person to give Kristin a hug, though. It's kind of representational of the spirit of this season - yes, they're fierce competitors, but at the end of the day they all get along and care about each other.

Rainbow shirts! The producers have decided that it's time to end the Blue team's suffering and go to individuals! I particularly loved the t-shirt retrospective for Mike, especially when Aubrey got in his old t-shirt WITH him, that was hilarious. So after playing the Biggest Loser version of stuffing-all-the-children-into-grandma's-pantaloons, it's time for another game: Pick Your Trainer! And nobody could be happier than Sione and Filipe. For them, as well as some others (like, oh, gee, I dunno...Tara?), this decision was a no-brainer. For others, a much tougher call. Personally, I thought that Aubrey should be picking Bob, and that Mike and Helen should be picking Jillian. (The Jillian/Helen combination stands a chance of winning this.) However, I wasn't sure which way they would end up going. Mike couldn't decide at all and just flipped a coin.

As for the rest of them, I thought Jillian might really be able to help Kristin, but I didn't seriously think Kristin would leave Bob. I have thought for a while that Jillian's kind of enabling Tara's control issues because she sees Tara as more of an equal than someone she should be helping to work through issues, so maybe Bob would be better in the long run there. I wondered if Laura might not be better off with Bob because of her trust issues with Jillian...but then again, if she chose Bob, she wouldn't have much chance to work out with him anyway before Tara THROTTLED her! :) Finally, I thought that Ron's best choice would have been to choose Bob because the "drill sergeant" dynamic that Jillian sets up with her people would sooo not fly with him, it'd be competely counterproductive.

So what actually happened?

Jillian
Tara
Mike (phew)
Helen (yay)
Laura

Bob
Kristin
Filipe
Sione
Ron
Aubrey (excellent)

Random thoughts about the Pick Your Trainer segment and subsequent workout:

• HOW SKINNY DID HELEN LOOK?!? Wow!
• Jillian had a good point about the cruelty of making the choice in front of the trainers. On the other hand, it did really give "closure" to the decisions.
• How sweeeeet is Sione when he's overcome.
• That sidestep running thing Jillian's team was doing on the treadmill looked bruuutal.

Next up: the pre-challenge weight allotment. In which everybody takes the weight they've lost and allocates it as they see fit to the other players, with the promise that the extra weight will be a hindrance in the next challenge. And in which Ron does a revenge thing against Helen for breaking with The Church Of Bob. :) Helen takes it with excellent grace. Her gameplaying and self-centeredness does grate on me somewhat, but she really does take as good as she gives, and I just adore her spunk. Tara, on the other hand, is sooo unamused. Cupcake, take it as a compliment! You can't win every damn challenge! Look at how Helen reacted to the pressure - she turned it into determination! I'm completely in agreement with Aubrey (although Tara's point about Aubrey having a big mouth was also fair) - so you're the strongest competition in the house, boo-freakin'-hoo.

What does this all mean? We're right back to square one, the issue that nobody has ever made the frontrunner face: Tara has to control everything. Seriously, WHEN IS SOMEONE GOING TO TELL HER that she's probably going to gain the weight back (or turn to something else equally destructive) unless she learns to be cool with not having control over things that are beyond her control?

Then we pause for a commercial break. And that ad where the disgusting germy water droplets fly through the air? Seriously gross.

We return to find Tara angsting and threatening to throw the weigh-in so she can go home, away from "all this stress". Laura, like a true teammate and friend, runs after her and Jillians her into staying. Way to go with the pep talk, Laura. If it weren't for the cameras following you around I might actually believe it was completely spontaneous.

Moving onto the challenge, Helen thinks they're going to drive the cars. Really, Helen? DRIVE them? Puh-leeze. Have you ever actually WATCHED this show? Anyway, up drives Clint Bowyer. I've never heard of him before, probably because I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about car racing. However, the contestants all seemed pretty excited - maybe because he's a walking billboard for Cheerios, the official cereal of The Biggest Loser? (It's healthy! Adults love it! Kids love it! What's not to love? Pick some up at your local supermarket today!)

Anyway, they've all got to pull their cars a half-mile, laden with the added weight from the pre-challenge, and Tara lags behind in 3rd position. Then, just when I think I've seen the depths of how seriously Tara can pull it out, she surprises again. She had scads more weight to pull than anyone else, and she came up from behind to win it, CONVINCINGLY, against two very large and strong men! What was I saying about her not being able to win every challenge? I take it back. Unbefreakinlievable. Like seriously, is she even human? Maybe she's a fem-bot. That would explain a lot.

Random thoughts on the challenge:

• Aubrey does awesome eyerolls, I must say.
• I think Ron did super-well in the challenge all by himself before people came back to help him.
• Brilliant move on Clint Bowyer's part there to not wear a goddman HELMET doing the victory laps! Hello! Moron!

We also need to have our weekly torture session of product placement. This week it's for some kind of lean, barbecue-able meat, except we get the added bonus of seeing shots of chubby Tongan people! Actually, a few times this episode we're told yet again that a) Sione and Filipe are Tongans; b) Tongan culture has an obesity crisis; and c) Sione and Filipe are single-handedly (double-handedly?) going to change the attitude towards food of Tongan people all over the whole world with the example of their own health and fitness! (In all seriousness, I do think that these two guys are terrific, and I think they can at least help the situation. Certainly Sione's hotness is pretty "inspirational", if you know what I mean...)

After that it's your usual run-of-the-mill last chance workout...Jillian yelling, people grunting desperately, the usual. Except that holy cow, look at Helen run!

Next we have the weigh-in. Now, next week's show synopsis (SPOILER ALERT) says that Ali and Michelle, the winners from the last two seasons, are coming in next week to take over hosting duties. This means, presumably, that this week's weigh-in must be the one where Ali (the usual host, not Ali the season 5 winner) was in labour. So DH and I were totally watching her and listening for stress in her voice. I think we heard it catch a few times, and she also seemed waaaay more emotional than usual, so I think that was it.

Cut to another commercial break, during which DH wants to know: Hey, is Donald Trump one of the people we can vote off of Celebrity Apprentice?

So welcome back to the first weigh-in of the season when the ladies get to ditch the halter tops in favour of tanks, and the men get to put some shirts on. This means that the women can wear the midriff equivalent of Spanx, and the audience gets a respite from seeing moobs.

Milestones achieved this week:

• (As we were constantly reminded might happen) Kristin becomes the first woman to hit the 100lb total weightloss level on campus. Yay!
• Filipe and Sione also passed the 100lb total weightloss mark
• Tara has lost over one-third of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Helen passed the 30% total weightloss mark
• Laura and Ron passed the 25% total weightloss mark

Random thoughts on the weigh-in:

• You wanna know something scary? For all her weight loss, Kristin is still morbidly obese. Don't get me wrong, she's doing AWESOME...but it speaks to how bad things were to start with that after over 100lbs lost, her weight is still really bad.
• New BMI champion in the house: Helen's now at 28.6! This beats Tara!
• The only sad face at Ron's results was Ron's. He's finally hitting his stride! Hooray!
• I think Tara considered becoming the first woman to hit 100lbs of weight loss on the ranch vs. doing some waterloading and ensuring a safe week next week, and decided it would be best to let Kristin have the glory. Last week's two-pound loss devastated her completely, but with this week's three-pound loss we saw more of an "oh, well, whatever" reaction. Total giveaway.

Aubrey and Filipe fall below the yellow line and everybody has a decision to make (and as quickly as damn possible, if Ali has anything to say about it - whew, didja see how she rushed them through the vote?). Aubrey uses her usual unconvincing voice to say how much she wants to stay. Sione tells everyone that Filipe has issues that will make it impossible for him to lose the weight at home. (Really? First time I've heard of 'em.) The vote is pretty close, but Aubrey ends up going home. Her family is absolutely thrilled to see her. Her husband loves her to death and her older daughter makes me totally well up when they hug. We find out that Aubrey and Mandi's dad has already lost 26lbs, which is FANTASTIC.

But then we find out what happened next. Aubrey put everyone else ahead of herself again and blew back up to 200lbs. Finally by the at-home profile shoot, she clawed back down and lost a further 10 pounds from where she started upon leaving the ranch. Pretty sucky, but better than nothing. The whole thing made me sad.

Second-best line of the night was from Kristin on the pre-challenge: "It's a game called, 'let's see how much everyone in the house hates you'."

Far and away the best line of the night, though, was from Ron on Mike's coin-flip: "He's an idiot. All eighteen-year-olds are idiots." :D

Next week, milestones to look for:

• Tara could hit the 100lbs total weightloss mark
• Kristin could drop below 250lbs
• Kristin could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese
• Filipe, Sione and Kristin could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
• Mike could hit the one-third total weightloss mark

Also next week (SPOILERS):

Past winners Ali Vincent and Michelle Aguilar return to the ranch to take over hosting duties from Ali Sweeney. Elsewhere, new arrivals change the competition; a player suffers a medical setback; a balance challenge suspends the contestants over a pool; and Bob holds last-chance workouts at the beach.

Week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The players compete for the sole vote at the elimination during a risky temptation challenge. Later, Rocco DiSpirito teaches the contestants how to make healthy versions of restaurant dishes; two former contestants offer advice; and the players scale stadium steps during a challenge.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/17

So everyone's sent home for the whole week. Many reunions, all incredibly vorklemptness-provoking. I loved how in love Helen and her husband are. I am still rewinding and replaying the moment that Sione's wife first laid eyes on him. Her expression was hilaaarious, and clearly said "OMG! I get to hit that! Squee!" :) Finally, we have the most emotional reunion of all at the Morelli household. Ron's wife's delight over Mike was just delicious to see. But Max's face when he saw Mike was heartbreaking. And he full-on broke into the ugly cry. Poor, poor boy. I felt so bad for him, and just wanted to reach through the television and give him a big ol' there-there hug. But it's so heartwarmingly obvious that he is so loved and so supported by his family, I have every confidence that he will be able to turn things around for himself with his father and brother there by his side.

General observations:

• Filipe in a tie actually makes him appear thicker than he is. Not a good look.
• Seeing how seriously tall Tara's brother is suddenly made her "thing" for Dane (6'4") and Blaine (6'8") make more sense. I now think it's a fraternal thing, not a romantic thing.
• I think Laura's mom is super-elegant.
• Mike totally gets his looks from his mom. Ron's looks clearly went to Max.

After the reunions, it's straight to the challenge. Doorbells ring, and contestants answer them only to find that the Biggest Loser producers have set bags of manure on fire and left them on the contestant's porches. Er, wait, no, sorry, make that tins of sugar cookies and DVDs. (Same diff.) As Laura bends down to pick up her challenge tin, DH uttered these fateful words: "OMG, I did NOT need to know that Laura wears a g-string." Seriously, guys. If you taped or PVRed the episode, take another look at that five-second snippet. Total thong shot. Plumbers could learn a thing or two about butt revelation from this girl. ;););)

So anyhoo, the challenge is a half-marathon. Which I didn't think would be an impossible challenge for these people, who have been steadily building fitness for two and a half months. Worst case scenario, I figured they were all capable of at least walking for several straight hours, except for Ron and his poor knees.

But we also have the potential monkey wrench of those sugar cookies. Which don't look that appealing, I have to be honest with you, but whatever. Sione, as usual, has the best attitude about the challenge vs. cookie thing. I also think that Tara really made the right decision to not eat cookies, because really, there was no point. She had to know that anyone who ate cookies would pile minutes up on her, so she had no chance, really, and might as well eat right and just do her personal best.

Observations about the challenge:

• Laura's face is FINALLY starting to show changes. Most contestants really show weight loss in their faces at this point, but Laura's hasn't been, she still had a "fat face", which I found distressing, because it didn't match with the mass she was losing off the rest of her body, and furthered the (false) impression that she was a weak contestant. But now things are starting to sleek up a bit around her jowls and cheekbones. Yay.
• I've decided that Filipe is the lovechild of Mario van Peebles and Dwane Johnson. Who's with me?
• Look at Filipe's wife smacking his ass during the run! That's some serious cuteness right there.
• I felt really bad when Sione went down 200 yards from the finish. So not fair.
• Tara's mom's vorklemptness watching her daughter do the half-marathon was awesome. She was totally overcome.
• I got seriously vorklempt watching the final bits of the run from Tara and Sione. Oh hell, everybody's finishes welled me up, actually.
• Why the HELL did they get Aubrey to run outside in frickin' WINTER?!?
• I was so damn impressed when Helen came third. But I was even more gobsmacked when Cathy came FIFTH! Stunning!

When they played that Special K commercial where the woman can't fasten the button on her jeans, DH quipped, "Just take a PISS!"

General observations about the time at home.

• Aubrey's father is frickin' enormous. Like, I think worse BMI than Dan enormous. Very sad. I don't think he has any sense of self-worth (which would explain Aubrey, I think). And I don't think Aubrey took the right tone with him. I really hope he can get it together.
• Aubrey! Pancakes? Eggs? SAUSAGE?!? Are you frickin' kidding me? No wonder you lost only 2 pounds while you were home last time!
• Look at Kristin being the Bob!
• Gawd! We cannot even get away from the product shilling when they're off the ranch!
• Yay Helen with the changing of ways.
• I adore Kristin's hat and scarf set. Seriously cute.
• Aubrey's husband was so sweet interviewing about how into her he was. However, I firmly believe he has to translate that love into helping her the fuck out with the house and the children. I mean, come on. Even when she was home last time and trying to interview for the show, you could hear the children running amok and then she said "Forget it," and stopped the interview to deal with whatever havok the kids were wreaking. All evidence to me that the dude needs to step up.

Anyway, so Sione wins the challenge, thanks to the woman who sugar-cookied against a TEAMMATE in favour of a teammate who freakin' crossed the gym floor! This show is unbelievable. Helen is such a gameplayer. I love her, but she's such a gameplayer. And I am still trying to figure out why nobody sugar-cookied Sione. Did they all lose their minds?!?

Sione SERIOUSLY needs to buy Helen something pretty.

So back at the ranch, we are now at the point in the season when they do retrospectives of people from the beginning of the show vs. now. I LOVE this part, seriously lovelovelove it. Glee! And hey, is it just me, or is Mike really starting to remind people of Daniel Radcliffe? His face looks awesome, he's so cuuute! (DH sez: "He is going to get laid SO much at university." Dude, I called that last week. ;)

On the good news front:

• Tara and Aubrey break the 200lb mark
• Aubrey passes the 50lb total weightloss mark
• Ron passes the 100lb total weightloss mark (I was so delighted to see him have a good week)
• Aubrey passes the 20% total weightloss mark
• Mike passes the 30% total weightloss mark
• Helen moves from obese to overweight

I was so sad for Cathy and Kristin, though. Especially Kristin. She just really can't seem to do it at home, can she? :(

Other general weigh-in observations

• OMG. As long as Sione stays in the house, I am going to seriously enjoy weigh-ins! He looks fine. (Note: my husband is also tremendously fine. However, I feel no guilt about admiring the aesthetic qualities of other men.)
• So apparently the weigh-in was just one big opportunity for Jillian to tell America that she's the best thing ever.
• How sweet were Mike and Ron together after Ron's triumph on the scale? I LOVE THAT FAMILY.

Very weird decision in the elimination room, though. I'm really not sure why Cathy decided to take the bullet, because I don't see how Kristin was at risk. Three original-Bob's-team members against one original-Jillian's-team member, kinda made it look like a slam dunk against Aubrey. Even if there was a tie and Black got to choose who went home, there are four original-Bob's-team members on Black vs. two original-Jillian's-team, and Aubrey would very likely have been gone, too. So it seems to me that Cathy's best decision as far as helping Kristin was concerned would've been to keep herself in the game so they could continue to be a voting block. All I can think of is that Cathy decided to be more fair-minded about whom to send home rather than thinking about keeping Kristin there as long as possible. Weird, but definitely nice for Aubrey.

Back at home, we see that Cathy has lost an additional 26 pounds, for a total overall weightloss percentage of 26.62%. All power to her. Also, I deeply covet her necklace, it was gorgeous.

Next week, look for the following potential milestones:

• Filipe, Kristin, Sione and Tara could all pass 100lb of total weightloss
• Ron could pass the 25% total weightloss mark
• Helen could pass the 30% total weightloss mark
• Tara could pass the one-third total weightloss mark

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

Canoe: The contestants meet NASCAR driver Clint Bowyer; ``Biggest Loser'' records are broken at a weigh-in.
TV Guide: The players pull cars loaded with extra weight assigned to them by their teammates in a challenge featuring NASCAR's Clint Bowyer. Later, the teams are dissolved, leaving the contestants to compete as singles; a player breaks a record at the weigh-in.

Then, the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

Past winners Ali Vincent and Michelle Aguilar return to the ranch to take over hosting duties from Ali Sweeney. Elsewhere, new arrivals change the competition; a player suffers a medical setback; a balance challenge suspends the contestants over a pool; and Bob holds last-chance workouts at the beach.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/10

After an agonizingly slow and painfully endless recap, Mike saves the day! Hooray!

(Ten bucks says the producers set it up that way to give Mike some self-confidence and "can do" positive thinking.)

Mike has now, by the way...

• lost more than a total of 25% of his bodyweight
• lost more than 100lbs total
• moved from morbidly obese to clinically obese

Good lad. Could Ron have looked any prouder?

So then we go outside for a quick pop challenge: Sit bracing yourself against a wall with a medicine ball on your lap. Last person left, uh, sitting, controls the weigh-in, which is one-on-one this week. (Could it be any more obvious that they're giving Blue every chance possible to win something?)

Anyway, Tara does her usual superhuman endurance stuff and wins the challenge. She gets to choose who faces off against whom. Her choices are as follows:

Mike vs Cathy
Sione vs Mandi
Filipe vs Kristin
Helen vs. Ron
Laura vs Aubrey

And everyone tries not to laugh as they stare each other down with psuedo-mean faces. And Mandi, for some bizarre reason, is completely intimidated by Sione. Hello?!? Mandi! GROW SOME SELF-CONFIDENCE! At this point, you have lost almost 2% more of your bodyweight this season than Sione has, AND he has a sprained ankle. Stop being so down about yourself! That's exactly how you got to be 263lbs in the first place! Augh!!!

Anyway, Tara gets to give herself a week where her weight loss doesn't matter. So it's almost like having immunity - she can waterload and do kinda crappy, and then, as long as she's made good choices with the one-on-one so that her team wins the weigh-in, she can kick ass the next week.

Day 2 starts out with the big ol' triple P: Painful. Product. Placement. (*blinkblinkblink* We're supposed to have fibre, Bob? Really?) In response, I have a triple-P of my own: Producers? Puh-LEEZE. (Puke.)

Then at the first workout of the week, we have the lame setup of much draaama. Filipe is bitter about being ignored by Jillian. (Plus, he seriously needs to cut his hair, he looks like a mop. Or a cast member on Welcome Back Kotter, take your pick.) Filipe and Kristin wind each other up to hilarious effect. Jillian worries aloud that the Black team is getting too cocky and that you always have to worry about the underdog (ironic, since Jillian's usually the queen of the underdogs).

Next up: challenge. I was really pleased to see how well Ron kept up with Filipe. I mean, of course he was going to be behind, but I expected it to be a lot worse than it was. I also can't believe it took so long before someone tried rolling UNDER the obstacle bars.

(I am worried about all these "medical concerns" that keep taking Kristin out, though. DH guesses hernia. Anybody know?)

Anyway, unsurprisingly, Black wins and lords it over Blue yet again. But even at that point, I thought it was a good challenge NOT to win. 24 hours of luxury = 24 hours of temptation and no ranch. That immediately gives the team that stays home the advantage. And sure enough, the Black girls geek out over the bath and scented goodies in the hotel before the entire team loses total control. Scads of crappy food, lots of alcohol, and some cigarettes. (Although on the plus side, I thought Tara looked fabulous at dinner, and Helen's hair looked terrific, too.) Now, I totally think that the Black team was told by the producers to be that cocky in the interviews, so I will forgive them for the arrogance. The calorie run-up and smoking, however, were pure dumbassity. Jillian was totally right to be furious. But Jillian's problem is that she tends to sarcasm when she's frustrated, which was obviously the wrong place to go with Filipe at that point. I have that tendency myself when my kids do stupid stuff, and usually, it just highlights your own lack of control over the situation and alienates the person you're trying to help.

Actually, Jillian generally seems to be screwing up a lot this season with her people. A few weeks ago she totally missed the opportunity to get Tara to deal with her control freak issues when Tara hit a wall; last week she was unnecessarily mean to Laura; and then this week with her team when they "strayed". And she seems overly stressed by this particular season. I also read a rumour this week that she totally lost it during a taping of the Tyra Banks show - very possibly a completely false bit of Hollywood talk, of course, but it does make me wonder if she's having some issues at the moment. On the other hand, I've been listening to a few recordings of her talk radio show lately, and she sounds perfectly like her regular self there, so who knows. I'm certainly not underestimating the Biggest Loser producers' ability to make things on the ranch look exactly the way they want them to, regardless of what's really going on there. (Grr.) What has been accomplished, however, is that Jillian once again has things right back to the way she likes it: the underdog position. I really think that having a stacked, unbelievably strong team was messing her up; she had it so good, she didn't know what to do with herself. Now, she's back in the underdog comfort zone where she can concentrate her efforts on just a few people, so things might start looking up for her again.

Anyway, Filipe gets emotional and storms out, taking "Mount Everest" with him. Bob's face when they came to find him was hilaaaarious. He was completely all deer-in-headlights, "WTF is going on?!?" Of course, the correct thing for him to do would have been to try and help everybody on the Black team SOLVE their issues, since he's the only person Sione and Filipe would be willing to listen to at this point, but instead he goes with the "Sure, I'll train ya!" option and cements the wedge.

However, prior to all the decadent luxury and high drama, the Blue team was working their asses off back on the ranch. Headshots of Black team members were used to great effect, both as targets in dart games, and as the "carrot" at the head of the treadmill. (It was good. I laughed.)

So then we go to the most surreal last chance workout ever, where we have people who are competing directly against each other training side-by-side, all under Bob. Weird. Funny, but weird. And may I just say that Mike looks like he's getting damn good at the boxing thing. He is really doing well and looking pretty darn cute, too. I think when he finishes losing the weight and goes to university this fall, he is going to be completely thrown by an awful lot of female attention. :)

(Am I the only one who found Helen's godfather remark about Ron kind of offensive?)

Finally, we move to the most depressing weigh-in ever. I love weigh-ins because I love seeing good numbers get posted, the happiness at success, and milestones reached. This week, however, contained almost no joy. Even the biggest loser of all (Mike) lost less than 3% over the week; plus we had three people who didn't see a loss. THREE!!! That's a baaad weigh-in, folks. The only milestones reached this week were that Helen and Sione passed the 25% total weightloss mark. Worst of all was Mandi's number. I was completely and utterly shocked when I saw that gain. It couldn't POSSIBLY have been done on purpose, and I don't think she cheated on her diet or didn't work out hard enough. The only explanation I can think of is self-induced stress. Also, perhaps she didn't fufill her caloric requirements in a misguided effort to lose as much weight as possible, and it backfired because she didn't have the energy intake she needed to lose the weight? Who knows. It was, however, totally heartbreaking. Especially when the producers basically rigged the whole week to enable Blue to win a weigh-in, and they still couldn't pull it out.

Elimination was tough. Mandi and Aubrey were obviously at risk since there's no way Ron, Kristin and Cathy were going to vote for each other, which would normally make it 3 against 2. (Although pretty soon, Ron, Kristin and Cathy are going to have to start "eating their own".) However, since Laura won an extra vote last week, she gets to come in and potentially force a tie, which means that the Black team gets to make the final decision. This doesn't give the Mandy/Aubrey team a reprieve, however, since Jillian's original team is even more outnumbered over there by members of Bob's original team: 4 against 2. We discover that the Black team's plan is to vote Aubrey out (which is kind of dumb, since Mandi's the stronger player). So, since it was established that Ron, Kristin and Cathy would all vote for Mandi, the situation is as follows:

If Mandi, Aubrey and Laura all vote as a block, it will force a tie, and Black will kick out Aubrey.
OR
If Mandi, Aubrey and Laura don't all vote the same way, the 3 votes for Mandi from Ron, Kristin and Cathy will kick out Mandi.

And Aubrey, sacrificing herself once again as is her wont (and which is one of the reasons she got to 249lbs), gets Laura on-side and sets up herself, Mandi and Laura as a voting block of three so Black will vote her out. She swears up and down to Mandi and Laura that she will do great at home. But in the elimination room, Mandi shatters Aubrey's strategy by voting for Ron instead of Cathy, because Mandi realises that Aubrey needs to stop sacrificing herself for other people and stay at the ranch. And the SECOND that Mandi announced in elimination room that she could do it at home, Aubrey knew EXACTLY what was coming and dissolved into sobs.

I started crying, too. Heck, I'm tearing up right now just writing about it. I thought Mandi did an absolutely beautiful thing saving her sister from herself. It was so lovely. I really hope that Mandi truly has realised how kick-ass she is. She IS strong. She IS worth it. (And she's gorgeous, too.) Back at home, we see that she's lost an additional 18 pounds since leaving the ranch. (I seriously think they must be filming these at-home sequences looong before they actually air, because people just aren't shedding the huge amounts of weight that I would expect from having approximately 16 weeks at home between vote-off and episode-airing.) She's excited about her life and her family's future, and everybody's happy. Even her children are expressing disgust at cheezies and reaching for asparagus instead! Nirvana has been achieved!

Best line of the night was from Kristin, referencing the face-off between her and Filipe: "May the best woman win."

Next week, we have some good potential milestones:

• Kristin, Sione and Tara could reach 100lbs of total weight loss; even Ron could do it if he sheds 7lbs in one shot
• Aubrey and Tara will drop below 200 if they lose any weight at all
• Aubrey could pass 20% total weight loss
• Filipe could pass 25% total weight loss
• Mike could pass 30% total weight loss
• Helen could move from obese to overweight

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The contestants spend a week at home, where they must run a half marathon and make healthy food choices. Later, the players face a cookie temptation; and the weigh-in reveals the contestants' progress while at home.

And the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The players pull cars loaded with extra weight assigned to them by their teammates in a challenge featuring NASCAR's Clint Bowyer. Later, the teams are dissolved, leaving the contestants to compete as singles; a player breaks a record at the weigh-in.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/03/03

What. The.
FUCK!
Was that?

Bite me, Biggest Loser producers! I tune in every week for RESULTS, not manufactured drama! I do not need any stupid "to be continued" message on my screen because your editors are so incompetent that they think two minutes of recap filler after every commercial break (because we're all obviously too stupid to remember where we left off a whole three minutes ago) is more important than editing the show properly so that we can see what actually HAPPENED.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ohmmm...

We open with a weird recap-slash-sneak-peek montage, in which we see Filipe completely and utterly lose it. It appears that he's upset about a lack of attention from Jillian during the workouts. Since this scene didn't show up this week, I have to assume it takes place in a future episode, which is a pretty good indicator that, whatever the results are for this week, they don't involve Filipe going home. Yay that - I really like Filipe.

So after the montage (which was yet another time-filler preventing us from having the time to see results this week; yes, I'm bitter), we see the fallout from last week's elimination. Tara tells it like it is to Mandi and Aubrey about how dumb it was to split their votes. (And I happen to agree with her.) In response, Mandi goes off and squeaks for a while in registers only dogs can hear about how doomed she is. I wish someone would slap her upside the head and point out to her that she has the lowest BMI in the house, not to mention THE best-looking midriff, no contest. I mean, really - her results are awesome. She needs to grab herself by the scruff of the neck and shake vigorously until some self-confidence spatters all over her.

So then we see our dear friend Rocco getting the contestants to make disgusting faces over the food they used to eat before they experienced The Great Conversion To The Way Of The Weight Loss. Then everybody gets to come up with low-fat versions of typical fast food menu items, and I gotta say that some of the visuals and descriptions of those foods? WANT. And the Ron/Mike pizza-off was hilaaarious.

Just as an aside, I'm really glad that they seem to have replaced "temptations" with these "pop challenges". It sends a much better message. And Laura wins the extra vote in elimination this week. It's not going to help her, because it's still three votes for Jillian's old team vs. four votes for Bob's old team if Black goes into elimination, but it makes her happy anyway.

Also, the black team TOTALLY deserved the water spritzing. I LOVE how the whole house gets along so well.

Blue team got a treat this week: shadow boxing with Sugar Ray Leonard. Aubrey was SO CUTE when she realised who it was in the gym.

Then we get good news from Dr. H. for a lot of folks. But I'm a bit worried, because although they played up the good news for Ron, it overall sounded like things were still pretty bad. :(

Jillian works out her team with a focus on Sione, and he sprains his ankle. This worries me. Of course, it's good that it was the best kind of sprain to get if you're going to get a sprain, but it still sucks.

And then, the challenge: packing up boxes of food for food banks. We learn that when Aubrey had her first two children, she was single and desperate and had to get food from a food bank, so this challenge is particularly meaningful to her. The fact that the prize is free groceries for a year and letters from home only make it more important to her to win the challenge, since she has five children (as we are constantly reminded). Fair enough. The teams are uneven, so one person on the black team has to sit it out. I thought that would be a no-brainer: cut out Sione, give his sprain a chance to heal. But no, they cut LAURA, which I thought was unbelievably weird.

Anyway, Black wins AGAIN and totally whoops it up while Aubrey weeps into her sister's arms. Hey, Filipe, where are your righeous comments now about not lording a win over someone who deserved it more? Hmmm?

But all is set to rights the next day when Mike does the best thing ever and gives his groceries prize to Aubrey. I loved Mandi's face when Aubrey announced it to her team. Ron didn't seem surprised, though, which makes me think he suggested the idea to Mike in the first place? Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, Ron gets big kudos for raising such a fine son, and yours truly goes completely vorklempt. I love these guys.

Finally, last chance workout, where Jillian screws up. Tired of Laura's constant reversion into the role of victim/weakling (which I totally agree is a huge problem), Jillian attempts to prove to Laura that she's not weak by getting the entire Black team to tell her that they think Laura's the weak link on their team. Uh huh. Sorry, where were you going with that, Jillian? Oh yes, you were trying to make the point that Laura MAKES everyone think she's weak, but she's actually strong. Too bad Laura got overwhelmed with sadness and humiliation before you could get to that rather crucial element of your argument.

Here's an idea, Jillian: maybe you should have pointed out all of Laura's successes (and there are many, no doubt about that) FIRST; and THEN contrasted them against her team's perception of her. THAT would have been constructive. But the way you did it was just mean. I know you were trying to do something totally different, but you did it horribly wrong and undermined Laura's trust. Way to go. Bad trainer. No cookie for you.

One thing that was great to see throughout the episode was that most people's faces and jawlines are really showing the differences. One contrast that was particularly shocking was the flashback during the Dr. H. happiness session to Tara's initial weigh-in. Big wow there.

So the "feed America" love-fest continues with the announcement that for every pound the contestants lose this week, The Biggest Loser will donate 100 pounds of food to food banks. It's also announced that everybody's weighing in TOGETHER, which is very, very cool. I think it was Mike who said it, that this was what weigh-ins SHOULD be about: everybody doing their very best and helping each other out to get EVERYONE to the goal. So the deal this week is that if the combined weight loss of everyone on the ranch exceeds one pound of weight loss per day per person (i.e. more than 77 total pounds lost among everyone), then EVERYONE will be safe. But if that target is not met, one person from EACH team is going home. (Incidentally, that means the target is a combined weight loss percentage of about 2.5%.)

That said, we begin the weigh-in. Some disappointing results this week, particularly from Cathy and Sione, who each lost just 3 pounds. But a lot of other people do very well indeed, particularly Mandi, who lost 3.94% with her 8 pounds (which traditionally would give her immunity if her team goes to elimination), and Tara, who lost an holy-crap-unbelievable 11 pounds, or 5.21% (again, this would traditionally bestow immunity if her team goes to elimination, unless Mike loses 16 pounds and beats her percentage, which would mean she's safe anyway since that number from Mike would give everybody immunity).

Some great milestones this week:

• Mandi dropped below 200lbs
• Aubrey went from being clinically obese to obese
• Mandi and Tara moved from being obese to overweight (!!!)
• Laura and Ron passsed the 20% total weight loss mark
• Kristin has lost exactly 25% of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Mandi passed the 25% total weight loss mark
• Tara passed the 30% total weight loss mark

Finally, we're left with one contestant to weigh in: Mike. And he has to lose at least 10 pounds for everybody to be safe. And his last three week weight loss numbers have been at least 10 pounds each. Will he hit a wall and DOOM everyone, sending TWO people home? (Which would be so unfair, since if it does happen, it'll be Mike that is perceived as letting everyone down, when it'd be more fair to place the blame on Cathy, Sione and Ron for pulling less than 2% losses this week.)

Can I just ask? What the HELL is up with constantly putting the weight of the world on this poor kid's shoulders? My heart just about broke watching his face as he realised it was all up to him and he needed a two-figure number. And then - a total kick in the nuts - we don't even get to SEE what happens until next week.

Or, will Mike lose 10 (or more) pounds, pass the 25% total weight loss mark, pass the 100lb total weight loss mark, and maybe even get his BMI down from morbidly obese to clinically obese? Only next week's show will tell.

So let's look ahead to next week and see what kind of milestones we might expect at the NEXT weigh-in, assuming any of these people are still on the ranch at that point:

• Aubrey and Tara could both drop below 200 pounds
• Helen and Filipe could hit the 25% total weight loss mark
• Aubrey could hit a total weight loss of 50lbs
• Tara could hit a total weight loss of 100lbs

Also next week: (SPOILERS)

The team that wins a 24-hour fitness relay is promised 24 hours of luxury, but some contestants are unable to resist temptation; one contestant has it out with the trainer; one contestant is eliminated.

"One contestant is eliminated"? Is this a hint as to how Mike did? Because if he didn't get 10 pounds or more, then wouldn't it say that THREE contestants are eliminated (two from this week's weigh-in, one from next week's)? Or are they just talking about the next weigh-in? Man, I hate this crap.

Also, I'm guessing that "one contestant has it out with the trainer" is that Filipe-and-Jillian thing from the montage at the beginning of the show. Who knows what'll go down with that.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/25

PART II

Basically, last night's show was just a weigh-in with a little added "padding" to stretch it out to an hour.

So we start off with a surprise quiz. And once again, hairband on Filipe? STILL NOT A GOOD LOOK, MAN!

Then we get into the unavoidable product placement. Still cheezy, but actually a little more natural this time, amazingly...except for the pathetic "yummy noises" the blue team made while eating the veggies.

After that, it's time for the last chance workout. And I have come to the conclusion that Tara either a) doesn't care whether she's referred to as TAH-ra or TEH-ra (which would make her very different from every single Tara I've ever met), or b) is going to kill Jillian any day now for constantly pronouncing her name wrong.

There were some really uplifting moments in the last chance workout this week. First of all, all the switched people seem to be adjusting really well to their new trainers, and some were really shining. I got fantastic chills watching Bob be so encouraging of Mandi and Aubrey. I would feel sooo good about myself if he were my trainer and talking to me like that! It was awesome. It was also really great to see Mandi waxing enthusiastic about Bob in her interviews, she was really glowing and happy about the whole thing. Another thing I noticed was how Filipe's face is really starting to get chiselled. He's got a real Mario van Peebles thing going on now, I think.

Then we move into the weigh-in. And it's really wonderful that now we're really able to see big differences in people. Even Ron and Cathy, who have been struggling, you can still see changes. And LOOK AT MANDI'S STOMACH!!! Awesome stuff. This is why I watch the show! There were some fantastic results this week, it's such a shame that somebody had to go home. Among the most notable accomplishments, some of which were pointed out during the show:

• Cathy, Filipe and Sione moved from morbidly obese to clinically obese.
• Laura moved from clinically obese to obese.
• Cathy went below 250lbs. I was TICKLED at her weight loss number. She's had a bunch of rotten weeks lately, and it was about damn frickin' time the scale was nice to her. I was so happy to see it.
• Dane has lost a total of 100lbs.
• Helen went below 200lbs.
• Mike went below 300lbs.
• Ron went below 350lbs.

And then we went back into the elimination room to witness what was possibly the stupidest voting decision ever in Biggest Loser history. I mean, look at the facts. The black team is unbelievably strong - they've got Sione AND Filipe AND Tara! Not to mention Laura, who was the biggest individual loser in week 5 and the 2nd-biggest individual loser last week; and Mike, who's young and strong and has started to hit a stride with good percentages of weight loss. Finally on the black team there's Helen, who's tough, consistent, and a gameplayer. By contrast, the blue team is weak and definitely at a disadvantage. I mean, yes, compassion for people who "need to be here" and all that, but come on! Cutting out Dane increased the Black team's advantage exponentially. As my husband said, "They just tore the guts out of what was already a weak team." Bob is going to be FURIOUS when he finds out what they've done.

Personally, I would have gotten rid of Aubrey. Her weight loss is erratic, and it's not as much of an emotional kick in the nuts to send her off as it would be if they axed Ron. And speaking of Ron, I think his days of coasting on the "who needs to be here" line have come to an end. I love the guy, and I'm scared that he won't do well at home, but the season has really reached the point where he can't compete with the rest of them. At some point soon, his team is going to cut him because he's holding them back.

Back at home, we have no idea how much weight Dane has dropped since leaving the ranch, and he doesn't look much different, either. I thought that was weird - especially since he's been training for a MARATHON - and also disappointing. Hopefully we'll see big differences at the finale.

Funniest moment of the show: Aubrey's eyeroll upon seeing her weight loss number.

Looking ahead to next week, we've got some more potential milestones coming up:

• Aubrey could move from clinically obese to obese
• Kristin could move from morbidly obese to clinically obese, which would be amaaaaazing since she started the season as the most overweight woman ever; they keep talking about how Carla WEIGHS the most of any female ever, but her BMI was 57.6 compared to Kristin's 58.1, meaning Kristin was more overweight inch-for-inch; for her to move out of morbid obesity would be a fantastic milestone
• If Tara loses at least 6 pounds, she'll have lost a total of 30% of her bodyweight since starting the show
• Big possible week for Mandi: first of all, if she loses any weight, she'll move from obese to overweight, and if she loses at least 4 pounds, she'll drop below 200lbs
• Huge possible week for Mike: he could hit 100lbs of total weight loss; he could move from being morbidly obese to clinically obese; and he could pass the 25% total weight loss mark

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/24

PART I

Okay, I HATE not having weigh-in results at the end of a show. It totally blows. Can't wait until tonight.

So the pop challenge: mud. First of all, this shouldn't have been a big deal since they all got down and dirty with the mud wrestling last week and had a fantastic time. I particularly loved Kristin's football player raccoon eyes with the mud streaks, and her determined "plop" right into the mud. Hilarious. Also funny was Helen's "Oooh! Oooh!" icky-it's-cold reaction as she slowly lowered herself into it. And finally, after it was all over, we discover the true advantage of being on the Brown team - mud doesn't show on your shirt! It just obscures the Biggest Loser logo...oh hey, another advantage! ;)

However, I was diappointed with the results of the challenge. Of all the teams in the house, I thought Sione and Filipe would be most screwed by a trainer switch, and I was really rooting for Sione to win it. I felt so sorry for them. Watching Sione's face and body language as he handed his muddy blue shirt to Alison and took the black was really saddening. (Tara's reaction to the black shirt, however, that it was "slimming", was pretty funny.) That said, Sione and Filipe (especially Sione) REALLY need to get over the trainer switch or they're gonna be screwed.

As for my reaction to the team changes, I thought Brown's strategy on how to split them up was interesting. Certainly this whole change is going to make voting seriously weird from now on. I also think Mike's going to do great with Jillian. I also think Dane, Mandi and Aubrey will do fine with Bob. It's all going to work out fine. Humans are adaptable. Jillian, however (who was so cool with Sione's disappointment at that first meeting, it was really sweet to see), has now got herself a TREMENDOUSLY strong black team. Bob's at a serious disadvantage here.

And speaking of Bob, he just exacerbated the whole situation. He just compounded the problem for Sione, Filipe, and Helen (Mike, on the other hand, seemed totally cool with being with Jillian), clearly sending them the message: We can't get along without each other. What he should have done was suppress whatever emotional pain he was going through...and LIE. Lie like his life depended on it, to convince his former people that they CAN do it, that it WILL be okay. He was the only guy that could have convinced them of that, and instead, he screwed up large, and just made it worse. Instead, he actually started looking to THEM to help emotionally support HIM, which is so very wrong! Bad Bob. Bad. This is Bob's problem, his weakness - being too involved with the people. I mean, Jillian gets attached, too, but not like that. And I think Jillian knows this about Bob, and uses it to give her an advantage every time.

Generally speaking, I think the team switches send a very important message to people at home, which seems to be a theme this season: it's not about the trainer, it's not about the equipment, it's not about having your teammate with you, it's not about being on a show. At the end of the day, there is only ONE person who can make you work to lose the weight, and that is YOU. The circumstances may be good or bad, but they can't be the reason you do or don't succeed. It's all got to come from inside you.

And what was nice about the overly-schmaltzy, emotional retrospectives of Bob-with-old-team was to see how much smaller Mike has become! That was great.

EXCRUCIATINGLY painful product placement this week. Ugh. Jillian's right, though, and it sucks: the food that is best for you is the food that spoils the quickest. Bleargh. Oh, and Filipe? Hairbands are not a good look for you. Just sayin'.

I don't have too much to say about the challenge - yeah yeah, it was gruelling, it was impressive. It's just that...well, I'm all for the not quitting thing and everything, and I did love the symbolism of working through the awfulness and finishing the challenge and completing what you start and all that great stuff. And hooray for Sione for being the house inspiration to complete the challenge...but, y'know, can we just look at the big picture here? And that is that sleep deprivation is BAD for weight loss. Bad. STOOPID challenge. But hey, did you see Sione's ARMS at one point near the end when he was on the bike? That was MUSCLE, baybee! It was pretty wow. They can flash his arms on my screen again anytime, thanks.

Oh, and Tara? Did you actually sit there on my TV whining about being scared that you won't "look good" to your new team members? Hello?!? Spare me! You're TARA, for the love of gawd! Wake up! NOBODY in the house thinks you're not an asset to your team. Nobody in the FREAKIN VIEWING AUDIENCE ALL AROUND THE WORLD thinks you're a slacker! Please!

Other miscellaneous observations about the challenge:

• I liked the attempt at trash-talking between Mandi and Helen near the beginning - it was nice to see something that fun and good-natured.
• Anybody else notice Alison's righteous cardigan at the end of the challenge? I'd knit that.

And best quote of the show:

Aubrey: My ass is on FIRE.
Mandi: Oh, it'll go numb, don't worry.

Tomorrow: (SPOILERS)

The contestants adjust to their newly formed teams and take a quiz about aging and health; after a grueling workout, another contestant is eliminated.

And next week: (again, SPOILERS)

Chef Rocco DiSpirito takes contestants to a restaurant, where they learn to make healthier choices when dining out; contestants compete in a lively cook-off, preparing healthier versions of their favorite meals.

And the week after that: (more SPOILERS)

The team that wins a 24-hour fitness relay is promised 24 hours of luxury, but some contestants are unable to resist temptation; one contestant has it out with the trainer; one contestant is eliminated.

Finally, FYI, the new teams - people marked with an asterisk are those who have switched trainers. Teams marked with a plus sign are those who have been split up from their original partner. Teams marked with a number sign are those whose original partner is no longer in the house.

BLACK (Jillian)
Helen*#
Filipe*
Laura
Mike*+
Sione*
Tara

BLUE (Bob)
Aubrey*
Cathy
Dane*#
Kristin
Mandi*
Ron+

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/17

In this week's show, we see that Tara has more issues than the archives department of Chatelaine. :)

So most of the house is forced to work outside the gym this week. Drama. So Bob discovers that his team went against his wishes and kicked Blaine out of the house instead of Dane. Drama. (Although not as much as I thought there was going to be, admittedly. Notice how Ron got to be the one who told Bob about what happened? Good move there on the part of the team - Bob probably would have gone kinda ballistic on anybody else.) Laura is feeling pressure and inadequacy. Drama. Tara misses Blaine and can't concentrate. Drama.

Notice a theme?

Most infuriating part of the episode, though? Shanon's homemade "MEMBER'S ONLY" sign. And this after she actually had to ask her mother how to spell "members".

GAH!!!

Shanon, it is bad enough that your voice and intonation constantly enter the Whine Zone, now this. Where are my fellow grammar nitpickers to back me up here?

I am, however, really really glad that they started profiling Ron's alternative workout techniques and showing people actually using the goddamn pool for a change. Thank HEAVENS. I know that they DO use the pool at the ranch a whole lot, because I've read interviews with contestants who say that the pool gets used all the time; it's just that we never SEE it, which is very annoying since "aquacise", whether you're swimming or whatever, is such an awesome method of getting fit. It's also been extremely annoying watching Ron have this injury all these weeks and not be told what exercises they're having him to do to get around it - this would be extraordinarily valuable information for a significant portion of the viewing audience at home, no? So I'm really happy they finally covered it a bit this week. All the different stuff you can do "sans gym" was also informative. Keep that up, please.

And then we slip into The Tara Show. Honestly, as pathetic as it was, I didn't get annoyed at her, because finally we're starting to see the kinds of issues she has which got her to almost 300 pounds. She is a control freak. She wants to control everyone and everything, and she hasn't accepted yet that she can't. Laura being a weaker teammate freaks her out. Black going below the yellow line and Blaine going home freaks her out. Not having the gym freaks her out. Add to that the tremendous pressure she's been putting on herself since day one, and how hard she's been pushing herself (thanks ever so for more shots of her throwing up, by the way, that's exactly what I needed to see), and of COURSE she hit a wall. (Normal people would have hit it WEEKS before she did, I think.) What did surprise me (because Jillian's usually so good at getting to the heart of people's issues) was that her trainer didn't seem to dig deeper into what was going on and start forcing Tara to deal with her control issues. It would have been really helpful if Jillian had, I think.

The real criticism I have is, what is up with Tara being THAT attached to Blaine? She went to pieces in the elimination room last week and you could kind of see this wary fear enter Blaine's eyes, like, "OMG with the inappropriate, my WIFE is going to be watching this..." before he said (very platonically, I thought), some kind of "You're a very special person too, Tara" platitude. I don't think that there's actually anything going on between Tara and Blaine, but I think maybe Tara wants there to be? Yeesh.

The mud sequence was hilarious. It's so good to see that there's a basic high level of genuine camaraderie in the house which crosses teams. That was awesome. Also, the interviewing and profiling we saw of Kristin really let us see how far she's come. I mean, she's still really big, but by comparison to how she was at the beginning of the show, the transformation is really noticeable. Way to go, Kristin.

And then - weigh-in time!

(Just as a quick aside...I think it's so ridiculous the way the women totally doll themselves up for the weigh-in, season after season...they've got the PERFECT hair, the GORGEOUS makeup, and...spandex. Yeah. That's a look.)

Anyhoo, we had a lot of redeeming successes this week, which was great: Aubrey, Kristin (although, duh, since I'm sure she waterloaded last week), Laura (one of the top 2 losers of the week AGAIN; y'know, they have just got to stop painting her as this pathetic cancer on Tara's ass, because although she doesn't have Tara's drive or capabilities, she's still taken them to second place in challenges for the last two weeks, and she can be an enormous threat at weigh-ins), and Ron (phew!). Dane had a bad week, but I'm sure he would have waterloaded at least a little bit with immunity. Sione and Filipe had a bit of an off-week (for them), but not enough to bring them close to the yellow line. Helen, meanwhile, is a machine, cranking out these 5- and 6-pound weight losses every week (which, at her weight, is really good), with 8- and 9- pound losses showing up as well. Sadly, her partner didn't back her up this week, loss-wise, and they fell below the yellow line.

(And am I the only one who wishes they'd bring back the concept of giving some kind of prize to the biggest loser of the week? I miss that.)

Then things got weird. Pink bucked the parent-sacrificing-for-child theme that's been running throughout this entire season by asking to send Shanon home. And it was pretty clear that this decision sat sort of "iffily" on Shanon's shoulders. Once Pink went back to their room, they started having second thoughts, and everyone else in the house expressed doubt that sending Shanon home was the right decision. Gameplay-wise, it's hard to say exactly what would have been the better move for each team - is Shanon the bigger threat because she has more to lose, or is Helen the bigger threat because, well, she always does really well? It's a tough call. So instead, I think everyone abandoned all thoughts of gameplay and just accepted Pink's wishes. In one way, this was nice, because it's respectful and builds goodwill, but on the other hand, it wasn't so great, because it was probably the better decision to give Shanon more time on the ranch, as Kristen and Ron pointed out during the discussion.

Fortunately, Shanon's done a really good job at home - she's got a 16.8% at-home weight loss percentage, which is an extremely close second (Jerry's was 16.9%) of all the eliminated contestants we've seen so far (that we've been given concrete weight numbers for, anyway). She's got some waist definition going on and is under 200 pounds! Yay!

(My husband was shocked to hear that Roller Derby still existed.)

Back on the ranch, though, the person I'm really concerned about is Cathy. She's lost 30 pounds over 7 weeks for a total weight-loss percentage of 10.24%. By comparison, the average total weight-loss percentage of everyone else is 19.11%. (Tara is currently the leader at an unbelievable 24.49% loss - after week SEVEN! - awesome.) I don't know exactly what's happening with her, especially since she doesn't have injuries like Ron (that we know of) which could hold her back...but she's just not dropping the weight. Once things go to individuals, she could be in serious trouble. :(

On the plus side, there are some excellent results to report from this week:

• Kristen and Sione both fell below 300 pounds
• Mike, Sione, Helen, Mandi and Filipe all passed the 20% total weight-loss mark (Tara and Dane passed it last week)
• Dane is now merely "clinically obese" (he started the show at "super obese")
• Shanon is now merely "clinically obese" (she started the show at "morbidly obese")

Some potential milestones to watch for next week:

• Helen could fall below 200 pounds (she's now 205)
• Mike could fall below 300 pounds (he's now 307)
• Ron could fall below 350 pounds (he's now 354)
• Aubrey and Laura could move from "clinically obese" to "obese" (their BMIs are currently 35.9 and 35.6, respectively)
• If she loses anything, Cathy will move from "morbidly obese" to "clinically obese" (her BMI is currently 40)
• Filipe and Sione could move from "morbidly obese" to "clinically obese" (their BMIs are currently 40.6 and 40.1, respectively)
• Mandi could move from "obese" to "overweight" (her BMI is currently 31)
• If Tara loses just two pounds, she will have lost over a quarter of her bodyweight since the beginning of the show

But enough of the speculation - here's what we know will happen next week: (SPOILERS)

The teams are re-organized, leaving many contestants without their original trainers; each team tries to bike as many miles as they can in a 24-hour period

According to this link, there's a Biggest Loser article in Entertainment Weekly (the one with Lost on the cover) which shows behind-the-scenes stuff, including what looks like Dane wearing a BLUE shirt (I guess Bob's about to get a loss less pissy that the house didn't vote out Dane last week!). So things are about to get verrry interesting!

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/10

I've been concerned since the beginning about the dynamic of Mandi's marriage. Even on the phone in week 2, Rusty didn't sound tremendously loving and supportive. It was nice to see how happy he was to see her, but I'm really not convinced that he's on-side. Jillian made an excellent point about this "silent agreement" that's in some relationships, and that could certainly be what's happening here. Mandi's doing SO well in the house; she's now in fourth place with total weight loss percentage, and you can SEE the differences in her body every time she gets up on the scale for the weigh-in. But I just don't know how she's going to do once she gets home. I really think she needs to stay in the house for a good long time just to get her into the right headspace. Oh, and this part is a little mean but I did do a wee bit of snorting when I heard they'd named their kids "Dawson" and "Remington". Just smacks a little bit too much of "trying to get fancy" with the names (and increasing the chances that they'll get beat up on at school, I might add).

I loved how focused Purple was at that challenge, both of them. I felt bad that after all that pain, Green didn't get it, but Purple so really deserved it.

Of COURSE Mike cried in the last chance workout, Bob, you were putting diamond-creating pressure on him all week! "Do it right or you'll leave this house and your dad will DIE." Geez! And can we stop calling him "Mikey" please, it's driving me nuts! Is he a kid or "becoming a man in this house"? Make a choice, Bob!

(Speaking of the brown team, I was appalled to hear that brother Max is 16. I thought from the photo shot that we saw in an earlier week that he was OLDER than Mike. 16 and that overweight - MAN, that family needs help.)

Bob is going to LOSE it on his team when he finds out that almost everybody voted for Blaine instead of Dane. But I understand why they all did it - it's really hard to ignore the emotional punch of a guy having a new baby at home. But is it just me, or are these at-home contestants not losing very much after they get home? Seriously, look at it - we've got about a three- or four-month time lag between the going home and the airing of the episode. That's a really long time, and yet this is what people have been losing in that time:

• Blaine: 20lbs (6.7% from leaving the ranch)
• Carla: 47lbs (13.9% from leaving the ranch)
• Damien: 43lbs (12.3% from leaving the ranch)
• Daniel: 41lbs (10.4% from leaving the ranch)
• Jerry: 58lbs (16.9% from leaving the ranch)
• Joelle: 26lbs (9.4% from leaving the ranch)

I'm pretty sure I remember in previous seasons that there were much more profound changes taking place between going home and the "after" profile (with the exception of Jerry, who did really well). Am I nuts?

Some other thoughts...

• It suddenly occurred to me this week that Dane is going to be drop-dead GORGEOUS when he loses that weight. Those lips are killer.
• I was really nervous for the yellow team's chances at the weigh-in until I saw Mandi's midriff. Holy CRAP, her results are so visible!
• I'm not exactly sure what happened with Kristin this week. I think her excitement at the prospect of breaking 300 was genuine, as was her disappointment at gaining. So...did she really waterload? It wouldn't make much sense if neither of them didn't try to waterload just a little bit, with immunity this week. But if Kristin didn't waterload, how could she possibly have gained? I'm totally confused.
• Yellow seriously needs to grow a pair and grab some mental toughness.
• The expression on Helen's face when Shannon knocked her off her brick was HILARIOUS. Oh, but she was seriously pissed off. I felt bad for her, but at the same time I couldn't help laughing at the "oh, child, you are SO dead, I'm gonna smack you." face. :)
• Tara is now top of the weight loss percentage list, at 22.11%. Also, with this week's weight loss, she's now merely "obese", as opposed to "clinically obese", where she was last week, or "morbidly obese", which is where she started. She's dropped almost 10 points off her BMI. Wow!
• I'm so happy for Filipe at getting under 300! I loved his expression when he realised that. I was glad that Blaine did the same thing, but it was bittersweet because it wasn't by much.
• I was watching the difference between Helen's face in the pre-elimination debate vs. Helen's face in interviews, and I have to say that I think she looks scads better without makeup.
• Seeing the pre-elimination debate was really sad. Jillian's team did a LOT of damage to what was some really excellent harmony in the house with that surprise Damien/Joelle voting move. Kristin, for example, has totally lost trust. And I didn't appreciate Tara whining about how Jillian's team has always been at a disadvantage. Numbers-wise, sure, but in terms of player strength, the advantage is with Jillian's team. Plus, it's Jillian - she always manages to pull it out somehow.

That's all I got! A decent show, nothing spectacular. Hopefully we'll up the genuine shmaltz factor next week: (SPOILER)

Contestants learn to work out creatively, without the use of the gym; the teams compete in a rowing machine challenge.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/02/03

This week, we get right back on the Joelle Train! All aboard the Pathetic Drama Express! Our stops today will be Lazyville; Relax-your-partner's-back-and-you-can-lean-on-her-to-do-all-the-work Junction; the corner of Lying-outright-about-your-effort and Refusing-to-take-any-responsibility-at-all; and, of course, our very last stop, Bullshitopolis. Once we reach our final stop, this train will be out of service. Do not attempt to board the train, it will not be returning to the ranch.

AUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! I mean, seriously! What the bleep is WRONG with Joelle?!? I mean, yes, we still saw less credit being given to her than she deserved - I am sick and tired of the implications that Carla somehow was this miracle weight-loser and effort-giver in Week 1 when she did even worse than Joelle; and I don't think it's fair that nobody mentioned Joelle's commitment and subsequent weight loss last week. But shit, woman! Get your head out of your ass! You had two choices the week after your big success in Week 4:

1. "Wow! That success felt great! I think I'll keep up the work so I can get that feeling again!"
   
   OR
   
   
2. "Oh, thank heaven's that's over. Carla's back. Now I can sit on my ass again and let her do all the work for both of us."

And hey, guess what happened.

I think Tara summed it up best: Joelle was given every chance time and again, and we're all sick to death of it. (Did you see everybody's faces when Joelle started trying to blow it up their skirts right before elimination? NOBODY. WAS. BUYING. IT. Honey, at some point you have to ask yourself which is more likely: that EVERYONE else in the house is misunderstanding you, you poor thing; or that maybe, just MAYBE, the problem is with, oh, I don't know...YOU?!?) It sucks that Carla got screwed in the process of giving Joelle what she deserved, but hey. I was never a Carla fan anyway, I think she just exacerbated Joelle's issues.

Back at home, we see that Joelle has not changed at all, and her 57-pound total weight loss, while signficantly better than nothing, indicates that she's still not committed. That's only 26 additional pounds lost in the "several months" since leaving the ranch (according to the words on the screen during "how they're doing now" part of the show). And in her meeting with Carla, we see that she STILL refuses to take responsibility for what she did (or, more accurately, DIDN'T do) while on the ranch. Carla, at last, gave her some good communication ("That made me feel like you didn't care about me,") and still...nuthin'.

Frankly, I'm glad to see the back of both of them. All in all, I think the mood in the house will be SCADS better after this.

Also, I'm hoping like hell that Mike and Ron can get it back on track. Poor Ron. His body just can't put in the effort that the rest of them can. And he needs to be there SOOOO badly. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they can really pull it out next week. I'm also hoping that Cathy can have a good week next show, because right now, at 8.53%, she's sitting at the lowest total weight loss percentage of everybody in the house - and that's even if you compare her to Carla and Joelle after the Week 5 weigh-in.

And speaking of total weight loss, we've got some very impressive results after the Week 5 weigh-in, which incidentally, the women kicked ASS on! (Top 6 weight loss percentages for the week were achieved by women.) Leading the pack of total weight loss for the third week in the row, we have Dane at 18.93%. In second place we have Tara at 18.37%; in third place there's Blaine with 16.99%; in fourth place there's Kristin with 16.39%; and in fifth there's Mandi at 15.97%. Aren't those numbers awesome?

Other good news:

• Blaine has gone from being morbidly obese at the beginning of the season (BMI 40.1) to being merely obese (BMI 33.3).
• Helen has gone from being morbidly obese at the beginning of the season (BMI 41.5) to being merely obese (BMI 34.9).
• Kristin has dropped almost TEN points off her BMI since she started, moving from 58.1 (ouch) to 48.6, and is now no longer super-obese.

There are other good BMI successes too, but those are the highlights.

The only other thing I have to say about this episode is that I didn't appreciate Jillian whining about how she's the underdog with her three teams against five thing. Let's remember that Jillian is UNDEFEATED through all 6 completed seasons of this show while poor Bob has been left winnerless every single time. He's got a good bunch of people this season, and Jillian's team was the first to start the unscrupulous game-playing this time around, so I think this might just be Bob's turn to win, and Jillian should stop complaining. Especially since, in my opinion, she has three of the four strongest teams in the house (the fourth being Blue). Of course, if I were her, I'd want to win every single season too, but at some point it's just GOT to be Bob's time.

Oh, and also, the product placements are just getting more and more painful. (Kids love Cheerios! Adults love Cheerios! Cheerios are healthy! What's not to like!) Anybody else find it odd that they were shilling HONEY NUT CHEERIOS as a healthy cereal? Hello? With its sugar content? Holy crap, DH and I could not believe it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts about this week's show. Next week: (SPOILER ALERT)

"The winner of a balancing challenge wins a 24-hour visit from someone back home; one player is sent home following a grueling test of endurance."

I'm intrigued. And I hope like hell it isn't Ron sent home because his body poops out on him. :(

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/01/27

Well, all in all, a fairly decent show, I think, - until the elimination at the end. :( At least I didn't have to psychoanalyze anyone this week.

First of all, I would like to ask the producers of the show what the hell is up with their math. At the end of week one, we were all told that at the end of 30 days, anybody who went home as part of the Great Couples Split-Up could come back to the ranch if their partner was still there. Right? THIRTY DAYS. Now, I'm rather sure that one week is seven days long, so at the end of Week 2, seven days would have passed since the partners were given the thirty-day story. At the end of Week 3, fourteen days would have passed. At the end of Week 4, twenty-one days would have passed. Last time I checked, twenty-one is less than thirty.

So, then, why the hell did the partners all show up at the Week 4 weigh-in? Anyone? Bueller? Bah. Stupid producers. Can't even count. What bull.

Anyway, moving on...

Hearty congratulations to Jillian's team (yes, I'm being totally sarcastic) for destroying the unity and goodwill in the house. As Kristin interviewed, all Jillian's team had to do was be HONEST about the fact that they planned to vote for Damien. There's nothing wrong with that! Instead they betrayed Bob's team's trust, pissed them off royally, and set us all up for yet another team-vs.-team season of bitterness, all for no apparent reason. Anybody see the look Filipe gave Tara after her success at the weigh-in? So much for building up goodwill with that here-take-my-phone-call-home favour. Nice job, morons. Sigh.

Did that glazed rosemary chicken not look FANTASTIC?!? OMG, I want some right now. That "nature's skewer" thing is genius. I'm disappointed that the 2lb pass Dan won for Dave ended up being totally useless, but I'm delighted that Dave did manage to get some time with a chef to acquire some food skills. He DESPERATELY needs them.

Good for Joelle for stepping it up (sometimes literally!) - her breathy "No excuses" kind of stuff still gets on my nerves, but I'm so glad she seems to have had her breakthrough. Way to go.

Good for the show for sending Blaine home this week. Really, there was no excuse not to. You should never have to miss the birth of your child, even when doing something as important as getting healthy. What an absolute sweetie that baby was! Just when I was starting to think maybe I could be okay with not having a third child, along comes a gorgeous newborn on my television screen. Again, sigh. Blaine and his wife have some seriously gorgeous children. I so love that they're the centre of his world.

Anyhoo, back to the ranch...

Dane and Tara didn't have a hope in hell of winning that challenge. That kind of thing absolutely SCREWS anybody who's ever displayed strength in the past, and gives the people who fly under the radar a serious chance to win. But Helen should still feel great about her triumph. And it turns out that she needed it - if she hadn't won immunity, she would have been below the yellow line with Ron and Mike, and between Pink and Brown in the elimination room, I don't think Pink would have had a hope in hell.

I am totally sick of Shannon's whiny phone voice. Who's with me?

And we are shown another glorious moment of Dannish achievement in the gym. Which would have been way more genuinely moving, might I say, WITHOUT THE SHMALTZY CRESCENDO OF BACKGROUND MUSIC, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Could this show drip any more with manufactured cheeze? As if the lame product placements were not enough? Sheesh.

And now we see the at-home contestants return nine days earlier than expected. I think everybody looked pretty much the same, except for Sione, who I thought looked visibly smaller (WTG), and possibly Aubrey. Can't wait to see the weigh-in of these guys at the beginning of next week!

Fantastic week for weight loss for almost everybody on the ranch. First of all, Mandi is totally looking way, WAY smaller, there's a definite difference there. I'm happy that Joelle had success and was so delighted in it - that's going to motivate her to keep going. Dan's weigh-in was bittersweet. Losing 60 pounds in four weeks is terrific, and getting below 400 is terrific, and losing 12 pounds in one week is also terrific...and yet! Still below the yellow line. Bummer.

And so, we go back to the house for the pleas from the teams on the chopping block. Ron opens up a huge freakin' can of vorklemptness, as is his wont. By contrast, Dave royally screws himself and Dan by telling everyone they can do it at home, sure, why not, whatever. Way to go, Dave, you ass. As if the fried chicken binges at home were not self-destructive enough. Tara's recrimination to him in the elimination room was PERFECT and made me love her even more. (She's a total game player, but she's got so much heart and drive, I can't bring myself to despise her.)

All in all, faced with the shittiest decision ever - even worse than the Jerry/Dan fiasco, probably - I think the house made the right choice overall. Ron still really, really needs to be at the ranch, and I think Mike does too. But Dan's seen the light and has the motivation.

Finally, it was great to see Dan having made such a huge difference. The sad thing is, even after dropping 101 pounds and over 22% of his bodyweight, he is STILL SUPER-OBESE. (BMI of 53.7 - anything 50 or more qualifies as super-obese, which is even WORSE than morbidly obese.) He has such a long way to go...but he's GETTING there, and that's the important thing. Go, Dan. Even Dave is making small changes. It might actually be okay for those two...or at least, for Dan.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/01/20

As much as Joelle is whiny, childish, dependent, lazy, and BS-ing, I totally feel like she's getting far more of a bum rap here than she deserves. Carla ganged up on her and bullied her throughout the time at home, and with very little justification, as far as I'm concerned. Who was the person with the smallest percentage of weight loss in week one? Carla. Who consumed over 2700 calories at the temptation this week while her partner did a really good job of resisting? Carla. Who accused her partner of not sweating enough when there wasn't a drop of the salty stuff marring her own damn shirt? Carla. I mean, yes, there's a lot of justification for portraying Joelle as a wash-up, but NONE for portraying Carla as a righteous martyr. And Bob did NOTHING to stop the dysfunctional crap, and even backed it up a little! They are seriously too much for him to handle, he had no control there. Carla was spouting meaningless jibberish which was completely ineffectual because you could actually SEE Joelle shutting down and retreating into herself, stopping all listening entirely. (Which was really sad, because a few times she really started doing some mature communication - not that "I have vision" crap, but the calm "You're mad at me" bit. Carla just WAS NOT LISTENING, she just wanted to yell and rant and yell some more, not solving a single damn thing. Geez, even if Joelle had shouted her undying commitment from the rooftops I don't think Carla would have let up.) I mean, shit, how do you expect someone to react when you're dumping all over her like that ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME? Sir yes sir? The whole thing just made me mad. The both of them each think they're the centre of the universe.

Other things that made me unhappy:

• Dave. Like, seriously, what the HELL is he doing? Does he take this seriously at all? While Dan is working his ass off at the ranch, totally devoted to saving his life, inspiring the crap out of everybody else in the house? That boy needs to find some self-control. His weigh-in in three weeks is going to be painful.
  
  
• Jillian's team's duplicity. I mean, okay, there are two very good reasons for them to have voted for Damien. Firstly, compassion/bigger picture: Damien has Nicole at home, who is completely fired up about this process and so he's going to manage to do well, whereas Joelle needs so badly to stay in the program - partly so that Carla won't murder her if she goes back, and partly because she has such a serious need for a breakthrough, and she sure as hell isn't going to get it at home with her beeyotch of a partner. Secondly, voting off the stronger member of the opposing team is just good sense, gameplay-wise. HOWEVER...for them to make Bob's team THINK they were going to vote unanimously against Joelle and then turn it around in the elimination room? Not. Cool. It's only going to foster bad feelings between the two teams (did you see Ron's face when Blaine revealed the black team's vote?), which is the kind of crap I think I can safely say the viewing audience for this show is really sick of seeing. Ten bucks says this was the brainchild of Blaine and Tara.
  
  
• Mandi needs to suck it up. There are five other contestants on the ranch who are away from their kids, too (some with little ones - Blaine's going to miss his fourth child's BIRTH, for heaven's sakes and you don't see him wiping away tears every five minutes), and she's the only one who seems to be letting it drag her down.
  
  
• But Mandi breaking her styrofoam bar in the challenge was really sad. She was doing so well, looked fresher than anybody else, I really thought she was going to wipe the floor with the rest of them; she just messed up her timing. That sucked.
  
  
• Carla's! Utter! Agony! Every! Time! She! Presses! Weight! Oh, Jesus have mercy! She's a walking stereotype.
  
  
• If I hear ONE MORE CONTESTANT in the interviews talking about how it's not just about them, it's about their partner at home? Well, duh!!! We get it.
  
  
• Blaine, can we cut it out with the "don't wanna lose to a girl" crap? It's still a piss-off, even if you're kidding.

But, things that made me happy:

• How about Damien's reaction when Nicole showed up on the screen? Loved it! He was so totally into her! Which was really good to see, because up until this point he seemed pretty emotionless about a lot of stuff.
  
  
• How about that Kristin and the challenge? I was absolutely elated to see how well she did!!! Total surprise. She blew away all expectations. I really wish Tara had just let her take it. I'm convinced Tara waterloaded last week, so she knew she was going to post a good number this week, and could have just let Kristin have the glory. However, I guess you always have to do your very best in these things, so I guess it did have to go the way it did. (Although hearing that Tara kept hydrated by throwing up in her own mouth was way more information than I needed to know. And can we please stop showing Tara throwing up on the screen? I'd like to ditch the association between models and vomiting, thanks.) I'm sorry Kristin was so down about it though, she should be ferociously proud of her accomplishment. I think Cathy is going to completely plotz at how hard Kristin rocked the challenge when she sees this episode.
  
  
• How about that cute expression of surprise on Dan's face when he saw that 406 on the scale? I loved it. He could go below 400 next week - I'm so looking forward to it.
  
  
• We finally got to see a freakin' interview with Mike! He has been totally underprofiled in the show so far, and it's seemed like he's really in the shadow of his dad (who seems like a great guy, just with a big personality). It was really nice to start to get a sense of him.
  
  
• Blaine's and Ron's meetings with Dr. H. Nice to see. And sending the message that obesity hits you in the WALLET - that's a message America might actually listen to, especially now. Well done.
  
  
• I was totally cheering for Mike and Helen during the last chance workout. Way to go, guys.

All in all, though, the Week 3 show can't even hope to touch the Week 2 show for heartwarmingness and just plain old good TV. Hopefully next week will be an improvement.

The Biggest Loser Review, 2009/01/13

Y'know, I've been thinking about it, and I think I know what Joelle's problem is: she's not a grown-up. The only way she does something is if there's a parental figure standing there making her do it - yelling, if necessary. I mean, seriously, the way Bob was freaking out on her reminded me completely of the place I'm in when I'm angry at my older daughter. (Not that I behave towards my kid like that, of course, but the fury and loss of control is the same kind of headspace.) She lives with her mom. She has such a non-career that twenty-five thousand dollars represents a few YEARS worth of salary to her. She is so completely childlike in so much of her behaviour, such as during the votes in week 1 when Carla said, "This is a test of our friendship" and Joelle agreed - Joelle was so meeky and "yes, mummy" at that point it was quite sad to see. And the whole talking-and-talking-and-talking-instead-of-DOING thing is exactly what kids do a lot of.

I don't know why she's still in a child role/headspace, but she is. If she's going to succeed in ANY kind of way on this show (or life in general), she has to snap out of that. And OMG, cut it out with the trying to be deep chatter! "Yes sir, you want perfection, I know that"; "If I can beat myself, I will win"; blah blah blah blah bleepin'-BLAH!

It's really quite sad. When you think about it from that angle, she's one of the contestants who most needs to be on the ranch; at least until she grows the bleep up.

But aside from the Joelle fiasco, there were sooo many wonderful moments in last night's show. First off, Dan and his running on the treadmill? I totally got chills there. Tara handing off her phone call to Filipe. Blaine's phone conversation with his wife. And Ron's passionate plea for Dan to stay - he's so the house dad, I love it. I got more vorklempt in five minutes watching this show than I did all last season. That is the way to play Biggest Loser, people! Love. It.

Some downsides, though...watching David at home broke my heart. He really has NO idea how to make it happen (hot dogs and fries? are you freakin' KIDDING me?!?), and even worse, he has zero support from his family. LESS than zero support, actually. They're all huge, they all eat crap. No wonder he's huge. He needs to get back on the ranch ASAP.

One thing I am wondering is whether Tara did a teensy bit of water loading since she knew she had immunity? Just a thought there. It'd certainly be good strategy, since it'd parlay into a huge loss next week.

CI Review, 2007/07/17

Tip for everyone: If you sing to the audience in the balcony, you aren't connecting with the voting audience on the other side of the television cameras.

A very ho-hum evening for the most part. Very few people came to win.

Dwight

He came to win but I've come to the conclusion that he just doesn't sing very well, which is a shame. So it was pretty intelligent that his profile highlighted his muscles and rough, tough occupation. It is with a big red face that I must admit I voted once purely for the fisherman hotness.

Khalila

I was looking for a bit more angst during the performance, but generally I thought it was a smart song choice and that she sang it well. It's just that I agree with Zack that I'm not sure 'nice' and 'mature' - which the performance certainly was - is going to electrify people enough to vote.

Carly Rae

The band was too loud. I could barely hear her voice. And there was an essential clash of SOMETHING - her style and what she tried to do with the song, perhaps? I'm not sure. All I know is that I just didn't like her as much as I usually do. Plus her skirt was too short - seems like she's imitating Haley Scarnato's "if you can't wow 'em with your performance, show off your legs" strategy. (Ick.) I'm with Zack, I didn't get it. Also, she needs to trim her bangs.

Brian

How many takes do you think they had to do before they got him actually catching that football? ;) Anyway...I thought he sounded great, but he missed getting the right emotional connection with the song. (Hint: "permagrin" is not the correct emotional connection, dude.) But to my surprise, I found myself voting for him three times. Oh, and by the way, EVERY Idol in the history of Idolness should pay attention to Zack's advice about moving around the stage with an actual purpose. Thank heavens someone finally said it!

Mila

Again, the band was too loud. The arrangement didn't showcase her voice enough. As always, singling out one audience member was totally lame-o. Her outfit was bad. And generally it was very karaoke.

Jaydee

Why am I not surprised that the senior demographic loves him? On the other hand, I bet the tween girl demographic also goes gaga for Jaydee. At any rate, this was the closest thing to a star that we've seen up to this point in the evening. As cheezy as the oldie vibe was, I was definitely entertained. I am also seriously disturbed about how good-looking I'm finding someone who's less than half my age. Yeesh. I voted for him ten times.

Greg

Vote for the Worst is going to have a FIELD DAY with Greg's manic wiggles tonight, but I thought the performance was really good. Someone finally showed up to really win. I agree with Jake that the intensity was great. I voted for him ten times.

Martha

One painful note aside, damn, I actually had to vote for the voice three times. I also have to admit that her style/intensity is improving.

Tara

She really doesn't do a damn thing for me and frequently her voice goes right off. Ouch. I have no idea why she's still here.

Matt

He started out great and very groovy. This could have been a pretty spectacular performance, actually, but it felt like he kept getting distracted from his focus here and there. Also, it wasn't strong vocally at every moment. But it was a very smart choice and I was certainly entertained. I voted for him eight times.

CI Review, 2007/07/10

I think Zack was on crack when he said all the girls were 'in tough tonight'. Did he watch the same show I did? By and large - and especially compared to the guys - it was a very ho-hum evening. What I'd like to do is keep all the guys, or maybe just ditch Brian, and keep only three or four of the girls, because there are not many of them that belong in the top ten, I tell ya. Sheesh.

Annika

Ouch. Oh, my poor ears. Okay, yes, that performance may have been free and natural as per the judges' opinions, but MAN! Vocally it was a total train wreck. I can't believe the judges thought she sounded good. I thought she sounded painfully bad.

Khalila

I thought the buildup to the end was well done. She didn't completely nail the vocal gymnastics she was going for, but she was close enough that I still think she sounded great. She also has a maturity on stage that I find very appealing. I voted for her four times.

Carly Rae

Head and shoulders above the rest of the pack this week. I do cringe when she turns on the 'sexy' because it clashes so very, VERY badly with her ingenue, elfin vibe. But aside from that I thought she was great this week.

Tara

Argh, she is sooo fake and politicianish in the spontaneous banter! ARGH! Cannot. Stand. It. However, I must admit it was her best-sung and grooviest performance yet, although it lost momentum towards the end. I'd still love to see her gone off my television screen, though. And did she honestly call Ben BENNY at the end of her slot? Yeesh.

Montana

Okay, I love Montana, but this week - no. Bad song choice. Her voice sounded week and the performance didn't blast the way we've seen the past two weeks. I absolutely think she should be top ten, but not based on that performance. I'm kinda worried about what the voting public will do. But I voted for her twice anyway because of what she's shown in previous weeks.

Martha

Okay, Martha, 'showing your joy' does not equal 'smiling and never stopping'. The permagrin means nothing if there's nothing behind it. Admittedly, it did get more real as it went on. Plus, the juxtaposition of the song and her broadway style didn't work for me at the end. But the girl really can sing, so I voted for her once.

Mila

I still find her personally repelling, but unfortunately for me, that spilled over into her performance this week. She sounded fantastic, but the obnoxious aura turned me off and the soft porn rolling on the piano was icky. However, I love her voice and her soul so I voted for her four times anyway.

Conclusions

I am hoping against all hope that we say goodbye to Annika this week. I would LOVE it if Tara could join her, but that so ain't gonna happen. I think, to my sorrow, it's actually going to be Mila - the voting public seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that she is awesome and keeps putting her in the bottom three, so I think this week her ride will be over. Either that or Khalila.

CI Review, 2007/07/09

Crap, crap, crap. Woke up this morning to find that my computer had lost power overnight, and everything I'd written about the guys was gone. Crap. Oh, and again...crap.

Let's see what I feel like recreating...

Matt

Of course Matt is the powerhouse voice among the guys. He did go back a bit this week to overusing the vibrato, but it wasn't too bad. I thought the performance was sweet and classy. The boy doesn't have much 'voom', but his voice and style are unique among the competitors so I think he should be in the top ten. I suspect Canada will feel the same way, especially since he comes across as so goshdarn nice.

Greg

Very solid. Very real. Not hop-out-of-my-seat electrifying, but I can't imagine that he won't sail through.

Tyler

I wasn't sure whether I liked or disliked what he did this week. It started out without his usual totally cool Tyler vibe...but then got better later on. He ditched the melody of the song, which I love...but he sounded good anyway. It was too growly...but I think he made it work by dipping occasionally into his Elvis voice. So it definitely wasn't my favourite thing from Tyler, but I still really like him.

Liam

Great voice. Shallow performance.

Jaydee

I'm with Zack. This is so far away from the kind of stuff I like that I can hardly comment on it. But I have to admit that it did work for him, even though it seems no one ever listens to me when I tell them to stay the hell away from the audience! So cheezy! Augh!

Brian

You know, I like Brian's voice, but even though he's been sort of pegged as a 'rocker' in this competition, there's just something way too 'boy band' about him. And the 'trueness' of his voice is not always reliable.

Dwight

Zack finally hit the nail on the head as to what is missing from Dwight's performances: charisma. It's been driving me nuts trying to figure it out, but that's it. The guy can rock, the guy can sing...but he's missing that spark of rockstar charisma so essential to his style, and I don't think he's winning the country over as a result.

Predictions

Greg, Tyler and Jaydee aren't going anywhere this week. I think Brian is gonezo, and unfortunately I suspect Dwight won't be far behind.

CI Review, 2007/07/04

The guys outclassed the girls this week.

Martha

Okay, scads better song choice for her this week. Josh Grobin is much more up her alley than Aerosmith (I still can't believe she did that) and it made her far more accessible to people. And of course her voice is terrific. I voted for her once on the strength of her voice.

Tara

Her performance was slightly more meaningful than last week (not saying much, that), but still, it never really got off the ground until the end. Plus it was vocally iffy in spots. Meh.

Naomi-Joy

She really thinks she's all that, doesn't she? Like, every moment she's on stage, she exudes this feeling of "I am a PROFESSIONAL, people! I know what I'm DOING! All I need to do is get discovered and I will be UP there with the likes of Celine and Whitney! Now where's my trailer?" But the reality is that she drained everything out of that song that I love about it without even sounding all that good. And this is twice now that she's received that kiss of death, "You look great."

Carly Rae

I cannot believe that singling out an audience member actually kind of worked. (I am, incidentally, hoping that Andrew was allowed to go back stage to change his pants during the next commercial break.) I really like her. Her joy on stage is great and the performance was fun. Her voice is a little annoying because of its girly quality, but hopefully she'll choose songs that turn that into a plus. I voted for her eight times (I meant to do seven, but I accidentally pressed redial one too many times.)

Scarlett

Bland. This was a very bad song choice because the song didn't highlight the strengths of her voice at ALL. It did get a bit better towards the end, but all in all it fell kinda painfully flat.

Montana

Her moves are so ridiculously outlandish, I should be laughing my ass off at her. But I LOVE it! She ROCKS! I love how into it she gets. Rock ON, girl! She's so damn cool and so the real deal. I voted for her twelve times.

Mila

I admit, I cannot listen to this song anymore without laughing because of the images it conjures up for me of Donkey singing it in Shrek. But! That aside, I love having someone on this show with real soul. She owns that stage. She's a pleasure to watch and listen to. I cannot BELIEVE she was in the bottom three last week, I think the rest of the country must be on crack. I voted for her twelve times.

Annika

First off, she suffered tremendously in comparison to the performance that preceded her. Mila has soul (which is an absolute prerequisite to perform this song) oozing out of every pore. Whereas Annika has no freakin' clue. There was no soul whatsoever...but plenty of hairbrush-in-front-of-the-mirror vibes. Yeesh. But hey, at least she had fun up there.

Khalila

Well, the strut was cheezy but she sure can sing, and she does come out as a 'lead singer' type when she's up there. But I agree that the song choice didn't do much for her. Nevertheless, I voted for her five times.

Top of the pack: Montana and Mila
Very good: Carly Rae
Decent: Khalila and Martha
Kinda painful: Tara, Naomi-Joy, Scarlett and Annika

Personally, I'm gunning for Naomi-Joy to hit the skids this week.